Anonymous wrote:People really think it is unreasonable for a family with a nine-figure trust to request a prenup, and for the counterparty to that prenup to make sure his interests are protected?

The amount of idiocy and envy on this thread is really astounding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

How does child support work? I would think a prenup needs to stipulate that the one with the trust covers college and won’t get child support.

You can’t waive child support as that’s an entitlement to the child. If golden boys mommy is right about his future earnings, he should be able to cover half of tuition without his ex-ILs money.

I’m not sure that’s true. There should be a way to ensure that the future children get substantial enough support from the trust that OP doesn’t have to contribute.

You can’t write a prenup that obligated a trust to do something. The prenup obligates the people signing it. Personally I think the prenup makes sense given OP/her son isn’t making any money right now— the future in laws don’t want a freeloader.

Well if nothing can obligate the trust to do anything then why sign a prenup?

Sorry Richie riches, you cannot have it both ways. If you insist on a prenup then the other party needs to be financially protected.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You definitely need a lawyer. Maybe look at total assets so as you earn more each year and her trust builds you remain financial equals in the marriage. Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary.

No matter what you do your high six figure to seven figure salary will be a marital asset so you will have 99% of the family income and HHI. Her money is all locked away and won't be considered family assets - yours isn't.

You need a lawyer to help you figure out how to remain financial equals in the marriage.

"Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary." You clearly know nothing about trusts. First of all, she might not even be the trustee. There might be a corporate trustee who has to follow the rules of the trust. And the rules of the trust are unlikely to allow her to pull high six figures out. Most trusts require you to consider other assets - meaning his salary.

It would be better for OP to marry someone who does not have a trust fund and who has similar earning potential and work ethic. They could build their own wealth together. The current situation seems to involve a control and power imbalance, which is unfair. His spouse’s trust disincentivizes her to work hard and contribute to the marital pot because we she has enough in her own pot that he’ll never get. Just don’t make the same mistake I did by marrying someone whose parents are financially irresponsible and end up taking all your money. It's even worse than dealing with wealthy, controlling in-laws. At least they don't take.

+1
I'm telling my kids this

A shared work ethic is important even if one scales back to take care of kids. This lady doesn't have it. Im sure she's pretty, though

Also, that the male in the relationship is financially lower than the woman will be a problem in this relationship eventually. He already can't take it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair is
-She keeps all family trust money BUT
-Both parties give up claim to alimony as both can’t fully support themselves(she with her trust he with his career)
-AND she needs to withdraw an amount from family trust annually to match his salary to contribute to the marital assets/expenses.

How does child support work? I would think a prenup needs to stipulate that the one with the trust covers college and won’t get child support.

You can’t waive child support as that’s an entitlement to the child. If golden boys mommy is right about his future earnings, he should be able to cover half of tuition without his ex-ILs money.

I’m not sure that’s true. There should be a way to ensure that the future children get substantial enough support from the trust that OP doesn’t have to contribute.

You can’t write a prenup that obligated a trust to do something. The prenup obligates the people signing it. Personally I think the prenup makes sense given OP/her son isn’t making any money right now— the future in laws don’t want a freeloader.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.

Not everyone's self esteem is tied to how much they make. There are many respectable and essential careers that don't pay much. Nurses, garbage men, teachers, post offic endeavors, nannies, pharmacy techs, etc. Thank goodness this woman's family can support her in her endeavor.

No way this woman is a nurse or pharmacy tech. I'd even throw in teacher. Not with a family who interferes in her life as much as these future in laws seem to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You definitely need a lawyer. Maybe look at total assets so as you earn more each year and her trust builds you remain financial equals in the marriage. Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary.

No matter what you do your high six figure to seven figure salary will be a marital asset so you will have 99% of the family income and HHI. Her money is all locked away and won't be considered family assets - yours isn't.

You need a lawyer to help you figure out how to remain financial equals in the marriage.

"Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary." You clearly know nothing about trusts. First of all, she might not even be the trustee. There might be a corporate trustee who has to follow the rules of the trust. And the rules of the trust are unlikely to allow her to pull high six figures out. Most trusts require you to consider other assets - meaning his salary.

It would be better for OP to marry someone who does not have a trust fund and who has similar earning potential and work ethic. They could build their own wealth together. The current situation seems to involve a control and power imbalance, which is unfair. His spouse’s trust disincentivizes her to work hard and contribute to the marital pot because we she has enough in her own pot that he’ll never get. Just don’t make the same mistake I did by marrying someone whose parents are financially irresponsible and end up taking all your money. It's even worse than dealing with wealthy, controlling in-laws. At least they don't take.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.

Not everyone's self esteem is tied to how much they make. There are many respectable and essential careers that don't pay much. Nurses, garbage men, teachers, post offic endeavors, nannies, pharmacy techs, etc. Thank goodness this woman's family can support her in her endeavor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.

Oof. My spouse makes 5x what I do. My job has little impact on our finances. But it's meaningful and I essentially serve first generation college students. I don't have a trust but will probably inherit several million, which is a back-of-mind comfort sometimes I guess, and probably makes me less motivated to work for the most money possible. So if thats an unattractive core feature, I think I'm OK with that!

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.

Anonymous wrote:Mid 30s male is engaged to early 30s female. She is a from a very well to do family and will be anticipating a high eight figure to low nine figure inheritance. She already has a substantial amount in a trust. Her personal income is in the high five figures. He will be completing his medical fellowship next year and will be make in the high six figures to start and will likely make low seven figures once he becomes a shareholder at the practice he is joining in two years.

Her family has proposed a prenup which shelters any premarital/trust assets that she has while his income would be considered marital/community property. He is concerned over this for several reasons as they met after he had already graduated from medical school so she was not a significant support during this time. He is also concerned that he may end up paying alimony to a far wealthier ex-wife in the event of divorce. Furthermore, he is concerned he will be expected to fund an expensive lifestyle with his income while her trust is untouched - thus limiting his ability to save.

What is a fair way to structure a prenup in these circumstance to respect his hard work and long term financial security while doing the same for her family wealth?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You definitely need a lawyer. Maybe look at total assets so as you earn more each year and her trust builds you remain financial equals in the marriage. Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary.

No matter what you do your high six figure to seven figure salary will be a marital asset so you will have 99% of the family income and HHI. Her money is all locked away and won't be considered family assets - yours isn't.

You need a lawyer to help you figure out how to remain financial equals in the marriage.

"Maybe she pulls out of the trust the equivalent of your salary." You clearly know nothing about trusts. First of all, she might not even be the trustee. There might be a corporate trustee who has to follow the rules of the trust. And the rules of the trust are unlikely to allow her to pull high six figures out. Most trusts require you to consider other assets - meaning his salary.

It would be better for OP to marry someone who does not have a trust fund and who has similar earning potential and work ethic. They could build their own wealth together. The current situation seems to involve a control and power imbalance, which is unfair. His spouse’s trust disincentivizes her to work hard and contribute to the marital pot because we she has enough in her own pot that he’ll never get. Just don’t make the same mistake I did by marrying someone whose parents are financially irresponsible and end up taking all your money. It's even worse than dealing with wealthy, controlling in-laws. At least they don't take.

Anonymous wrote:I have never understood how a man who clearly values hard work can be attracted to a woman who is happy making less than secretary wages while living off her mommy and daddy. It's such an unattractive core feature of who she is.