Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are the WORST kind a person. A total POS. If his sister wants help for the love of g-d help her!

We can not afford it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.

SIL’s college was paid for by her parents. No one, including DH, knows whether she actually graduated with a degree. She did not work full-time before the accident either.

Why do you assume she is lazy? Sounds like more going on here if she was unable to graduate or work full-time.

She has no proof sister didn't graduate, just because her DH is a dumbass who never bothered to ask.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.

SIL’s college was paid for by her parents. No one, including DH, knows whether she actually graduated with a degree. She did not work full-time before the accident either.

Why do you assume she is lazy? Sounds like more going on here if she was unable to graduate or work full-time.

She has no proof sister didn't graduate, just because her DH is a dumbass who never bothered to ask.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you and DH have one meeting with an addiction counselor or whoever advises on the roadmap for this kind of issue? Maybe she needs to be evicted/hit rock bottom before agreeing to go to rehab.

And yes- the mom needs to be financially responsible to the point that she can; or at the very least change her estate plans to reimburse your family for any expenses related to the sister.

MIL should be encouraged to change her will to leave everything to her daughter in a special needs trust so the burden of supporting her does not fall to OP and her son.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you and DH have one meeting with an addiction counselor or whoever advises on the roadmap for this kind of issue? Maybe she needs to be evicted/hit rock bottom before agreeing to go to rehab.

And yes- the mom needs to be financially responsible to the point that she can; or at the very least change her estate plans to reimburse your family for any expenses related to the sister.

MIL should be encouraged to change her will to leave everything to her daughter in a special needs trust so the burden of supporting her does not fall to OP and her son.

Anonymous wrote:Can you and DH have one meeting with an addiction counselor or whoever advises on the roadmap for this kind of issue? Maybe she needs to be evicted/hit rock bottom before agreeing to go to rehab.

And yes- the mom needs to be financially responsible to the point that she can; or at the very least change her estate plans to reimburse your family for any expenses related to the sister.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.

SIL’s college was paid for by her parents. No one, including DH, knows whether she actually graduated with a degree. She did not work full-time before the accident either.

Why do you assume she is lazy? Sounds like more going on here if she was unable to graduate or work full-time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may not be capable of working. You say she was in an accident with a significant settlement and that it occurred awhile ago. Significant sums are not given for minor non disabling accidents. To also say she’s addicted to opioids. Add to that, she’s been out of the workforce for awhile.

Not sure what you’re looking for here other than to complain. But honestly if my sibling would benefit from an intervention and rehab I’d do what I could to pay for it. It’s better than a dead sibling. But you’re not the sibling and you clearly despise your SIL.

Same. You guys are headed for divorce.

And maybe that is the answer. DH may divorce DW because she hates his family. And once it is just his income contributing (after splitting assets), he might think twice about paying for his sister. It's all very sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.

SIL’s college was paid for by her parents. No one, including DH, knows whether she actually graduated with a degree. She did not work full-time before the accident either.

Why do you assume she is lazy? Sounds like more going on here if she was unable to graduate or work full-time.

Anonymous wrote:1. Work is not happening, OP. I don't know if there's addiction or a mental health issue or both, but it's hard to find a job these days, especially if you don't have a work history and are on the older side.

Yes, that’s a shame, but not my problem.

2. It's useless to pay for rehab or whatever your husband is talking about. She's not getting better. That's money down the drain! Put your foot down.

I agree.

3. What you two need to do is TALK to the sister. Does she even want your help?

DH talked to her. She did not want his help. Hence why he is trying to go the intervention route.

4. You can perhaps agree to paying a modest rent on a studio, and her mother is responsible for food support or medical appointments or whatever else she needs.

No, we can not afford to support another adult.

5. PAY THE BILL DIRECTLY. Do not give SIL the money.

I will not be paying any bills for SIL. She should find another means to take care of herself. If not, an overdose is probably the best option for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it and am sorry you are being put in this position. It is simply not fair to you to have to be "the bad guy" in not instantly and fully supporting your husband in supporting his sister.

Yes, it is sad that OP's SIL has such a terrible addiction. Yes, it may be true that due to a past accident the SIL has major struggles to no fault of her own. Yes, OP's husband is amazing in wanting to help his sibling. But what of OP? How is this awful situation at all fair to OP? Why must the OP be the one to sacrifice so greatly and to do so especially when she has no control over the situation.

The OP here has worked hard, saved hard and has certain goals for her and her immediate family's future. OP has made good choices in life and while it is not for us to judge whether SIL has made good choices (as SIL could have had some tough breaks), it is simply not fair for the OP to have to sidetrack or not reach any of her life goals in the service of the SIL. And it is certainly not fair of OP's husband to put her in this position. I am very sorry OP for this situation that you are now dealing with.

SIL’s college was paid for by her parents. No one, including DH, knows whether she actually graduated with a degree. She did not work full-time before the accident either.