I think sleep divorces are pretty common after kids when intimacy is less of a priority.

Not separate rooms, but separate mattresses + earplugs and sleep masks. I'm really over being jostled every time DH turns over or gets up, so we each got a twin memory foam and pushed them together. We have separate blankets, too.

^ oh and now I’m in menopause and want to sleep with the window wide open in the middle of the winter because I’m always so hot and the fans on…

Probably about 15 years now, after our second kid was born. It works out well because we also have drastically different work schedules and he snores terribly. This way we both can restful nights of sleep.

Before that it was hard because he would get in late and want to watch tv in bed, but I have to get up extremely early for work. Now we can both do whatever. Two bathrooms are also fantastic.

Have any men responded?

Anonymous wrote:I tried to gently suggest this, telling DH his folks did this. His come back eas, “ Yeah. When they were okd.” We’re old, 63. He keeps vetoing thus. I wonder hos manu coupkes do sleep/have separate rooms. Gwenth Paltrow has a separate house from her husband!

We have an older house, with adjoining bedrooms and our own bathrooms. We slept in separate beds since we got together (in college!) and once we had a bigger house we wanted separate bedrooms. This one suited us perfectly, with a door connecting the rooms. We are late 30s. When the babies were little, we alternated the nights and this allowed us to sleep soundly. Now when I’m a general insomniac, or turn in early or he is on call etc, we still sleep well.

And we have sex about 5 times a week. I blame that # on having kids, and think it wld be lower if I slept less well!
prot

2 rooms. 2 bathrooms.

Yes PMS and flus

49 and 50 here... yes separate bedrooms. Started due to him snoring. Now I just have so much anxiety around sleep, that I get so stressed if I have to sleep next to him, anticipating the snoring... so it's better to just sleep alone. He complains sometimes, but the truth is I get up to pee 4x and toss and turn, so he's probably happier too. I honestly don't understand how people share blankets and beds and can sleep through them getting up to use bathroom or get ready in the morning! How do you do it?!?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been married 30 years and have had separate rooms for about a decade, maybe longer. It started with my husband’s horrific snoring. Now that he uses a CPAP, he’s welcome to move back whenever he wants, but I think he likes the luxury of having an entire double bed to himself (plus, I move around a lot in my sleep).

It distresses my MIL because she worries about the state of our marriage, but it’s really made things better, not worse.

It would irritate me so much if I thought my MIL was jdudging this of me to the point where I would hide it

She doesn’t judge really, she worries - she is a very kind person and wants us to be happy. We are! but sleeping separately is just not something she gets.

We sleep in the same bed but we got a King and it really helped - we can snuggle in the middle together but we then go to our own sides and sleep quite well. Well, he sleeps, I have insomnia so I'm awake a lot but it's not because of him kicking me, etc.

I had knee replacement surgery and did sleep in a guest room for a few months because I was in so much pain that I didn't want to wake him up when I was up taking meds. AND he occasionally will fight (kick out, punch) when he has nightmares - I usually rouse him a bit and it stops, but I was so nervous he's kick my knee while sleeping! After about 4 or 5 months I moved back when I felt less pain and wasn't taking meds in the middle of the night, etc.

40s and yes. We both struggle with sleep more now due to stress and hormones. Plus we both snore. Whoever is up the latest typically ends up in the guest room.

Anonymous wrote:It is so interesting to me how many women prefer this and how many men feel sad! I am in the same position. Why is that? I feel like it must be an ego thing or power play, but maybe it's just that middle age women need and value sleep more.

In general, I think that men are more romantic than women are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so interesting to me how many women prefer this and how many men feel sad! I am in the same position. Why is that? I feel like it must be an ego thing or power play, but maybe its just that middle age women need and value sleep more.

Men still holding out hope for more sex vs women more likely to have sleep disturbed by men.

Rubbish. Both DH and I go to the each other's bed if we want sex. And I value the sex that requires my DH to come to my bed to have sex, instead of just roll towards me and be instantly horny.

DH is at home 24/7 except for errands. If I did not have my own room to retreat to, I think I would go insane. The kitchen, den, etc. are always full of his presence and energy. I also sleep better alone.