Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35 years old and starting my second trimester. My SO and I have been happily together for 1.5 years. We met when I was 18, tried dating throughout the years but the timing was always off until recently. I lost my mother unexpectedly in August of 2024, so when I found out I was pregnant I was both elated and sad; very bittersweet. However, I knew the baby was a blessing and it was the most at peace I felt in years.

My SO is well off, a man of his word, reliable, works hard, and we get a long well, so although we’re not married I’m happy he’s the father. We had talked about marriage before the pregnancy, so we want to make sure we’re legally married. He asked for my father’s hand already. We told my dad about me pregnant and he was not happy. Neither was my older brother. My dad, who I guess up until this point absolutely adored my SO. He said he wished I was married beforehand, which I assured him we planned on being legally married before giving birth. That wasn’t good enough I guess because he said it would be a “rushed job” and that he’s worried that he just wants to marry me because of the baby. My brother said I’m rushing things. Great.

We announced my pregnancy to our families on Thanksgiving. His family was so excited, my on the other hand, not so much. My mom’s sisters were happy but everyone else, mainly my uncles didn’t say a word. In fact, one of them sat next to me after we announced and asked if I was okay. I told him I was and asked if he was. Then, he asked if I was happy and I told him yes. He slow nodded and said, “Okay. I’m happy if you’re happy”. The crazy thing is, this uncle grew up with my SO’s family and they’ve been close since he was a boy! Even my aunt said the family’s reaction was lukewarm. She chalked it up to the family not knowing my SO very well since he’s only been around the family a handful of times. That’s when I told her it would’ve been different if I was married first.

Today, my father wanted to chit chat. I figured it was about his will since he’s been working on it. Nope. It was to talk about us getting married. The first thing out of his mouth was, “So when is the wedding?”. I was confused because I’m in no shape to plan a wedding for 100+ people right now. I told him there’s no date for that. He said he was confused because he asked for his blessing and said again, that he wished that I was married beforehand. That he doesn’t want him marrying me just because I’m pregnant and to leave me high and dry as a single mother. I reminded him that we planned on being legally married before the baby gets here. Then he wanted to know the date for that. I told him we hadn’t picked a date and we just planned on a no muss, no fuss getting the license and before an officiant just the two of us then a year after the baby we’d having an actual wedding. He said that he and my brother need to be there because he wants to see his daughter get married. I was speaking with my aunt and she said it’s normal for someone to wonder if we’re getting married just because of the baby. Is it at my age?

This whole thing feels like a cluster-f. I’m sure a part of this is due to my hormones but it’s all making me sad and feeling lonely. Most of my family isn’t happy, and my mom not being here makes it feel even lonelier. I was happier before other people knew. None of this would be happening if I was married first…

You aren't married and pregnant. You don't need a wedding all dressed in virginal white with a modest veil to hide your virginal face. Get married so this child isn't thought of as illegitimate and have a party after child is born.

Illegitimate? What weird Victorian novel are you writing from. No one gives a shit about whether a kid's parents are married or not. I'd recommend getting married for the legal benefits and so your partner can make medical decisions but these comments are nuts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh. "Unwed." That word belongs back in 1951.

OK, let's just say she got knocked up.
Whatever term is used to describe her situation, the facts remain the same. She and the child have no legal status in a union with a prescribed financial format. She is on her own but dreaming of some media influenced scenario. She is oblivious to the precarious situation she is in.
Get to the freaking courthouse already - do it for the kid.

THIS. Plus no one has said it but OP needs to be concerned about pre atal care and how she’s going to pay for delivery. Does she have healthcare? Does the boyfriend? Can he put her on his policy? If so, get married tomorrow- instead OP is fussing about a piece of metal. Babies are expensive!

Huh what 35 yr old women doesn't have their own health care? And presumably by 14 weeks she's already gone to obgyn. I can think of 5 women I know who are single moms by choice... this isn't a teen pregnancy.

Seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35 years old and starting my second trimester. My SO and I have been happily together for 1.5 years. We met when I was 18, tried dating throughout the years but the timing was always off until recently. I lost my mother unexpectedly in August of 2024, so when I found out I was pregnant I was both elated and sad; very bittersweet. However, I knew the baby was a blessing and it was the most at peace I felt in years.

My SO is well off, a man of his word, reliable, works hard, and we get a long well, so although we’re not married I’m happy he’s the father. We had talked about marriage before the pregnancy, so we want to make sure we’re legally married. He asked for my father’s hand already. We told my dad about me pregnant and he was not happy. Neither was my older brother. My dad, who I guess up until this point absolutely adored my SO. He said he wished I was married beforehand, which I assured him we planned on being legally married before giving birth. That wasn’t good enough I guess because he said it would be a “rushed job” and that he’s worried that he just wants to marry me because of the baby. My brother said I’m rushing things. Great.

We announced my pregnancy to our families on Thanksgiving. His family was so excited, my on the other hand, not so much. My mom’s sisters were happy but everyone else, mainly my uncles didn’t say a word. In fact, one of them sat next to me after we announced and asked if I was okay. I told him I was and asked if he was. Then, he asked if I was happy and I told him yes. He slow nodded and said, “Okay. I’m happy if you’re happy”. The crazy thing is, this uncle grew up with my SO’s family and they’ve been close since he was a boy! Even my aunt said the family’s reaction was lukewarm. She chalked it up to the family not knowing my SO very well since he’s only been around the family a handful of times. That’s when I told her it would’ve been different if I was married first.

Today, my father wanted to chit chat. I figured it was about his will since he’s been working on it. Nope. It was to talk about us getting married. The first thing out of his mouth was, “So when is the wedding?”. I was confused because I’m in no shape to plan a wedding for 100+ people right now. I told him there’s no date for that. He said he was confused because he asked for his blessing and said again, that he wished that I was married beforehand. That he doesn’t want him marrying me just because I’m pregnant and to leave me high and dry as a single mother. I reminded him that we planned on being legally married before the baby gets here. Then he wanted to know the date for that. I told him we hadn’t picked a date and we just planned on a no muss, no fuss getting the license and before an officiant just the two of us then a year after the baby we’d having an actual wedding. He said that he and my brother need to be there because he wants to see his daughter get married. I was speaking with my aunt and she said it’s normal for someone to wonder if we’re getting married just because of the baby. Is it at my age?

This whole thing feels like a cluster-f. I’m sure a part of this is due to my hormones but it’s all making me sad and feeling lonely. Most of my family isn’t happy, and my mom not being here makes it feel even lonelier. I was happier before other people knew. None of this would be happening if I was married first…

Aww honey hugs and kisses. The hormones have you reeling. You are 35 not 15 or 25. This baby is a blessing and your plan to marry then have a wedding when you are back in shape is perfectly ok. [i]This isn’t some guy you just met, you’ve known him over a decade.[b] Even if he was you are old enough to take care of yourself and a child

Anonymous wrote:What kind of employment does she have? Will she get to keep her insurance or not? If something goes wrong, who can make medical decisions for her or for the newborn? Will child support be ensured in the future or need a court order?

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35 years old and starting my second trimester. My SO and I have been happily together for 1.5 years. We met when I was 18, tried dating throughout the years but the timing was always off until recently. I lost my mother unexpectedly in August of 2024, so when I found out I was pregnant I was both elated and sad; very bittersweet. However, I knew the baby was a blessing and it was the most at peace I felt in years.

My SO is well off, a man of his word, reliable, works hard, and we get a long well, so although we’re not married I’m happy he’s the father. We had talked about marriage before the pregnancy, so we want to make sure we’re legally married. He asked for my father’s hand already. We told my dad about me pregnant and he was not happy. Neither was my older brother. My dad, who I guess up until this point absolutely adored my SO. He said he wished I was married beforehand, which I assured him we planned on being legally married before giving birth. That wasn’t good enough I guess because he said it would be a “rushed job” and that he’s worried that he just wants to marry me because of the baby. My brother said I’m rushing things. Great.

We announced my pregnancy to our families on Thanksgiving. His family was so excited, my on the other hand, not so much. My mom’s sisters were happy but everyone else, mainly my uncles didn’t say a word. In fact, one of them sat next to me after we announced and asked if I was okay. I told him I was and asked if he was. Then, he asked if I was happy and I told him yes. He slow nodded and said, “Okay. I’m happy if you’re happy”. The crazy thing is, this uncle grew up with my SO’s family and they’ve been close since he was a boy! Even my aunt said the family’s reaction was lukewarm. She chalked it up to the family not knowing my SO very well since he’s only been around the family a handful of times. That’s when I told her it would’ve been different if I was married first.

Today, my father wanted to chit chat. I figured it was about his will since he’s been working on it. Nope. It was to talk about us getting married. The first thing out of his mouth was, “So when is the wedding?”. I was confused because I’m in no shape to plan a wedding for 100+ people right now. I told him there’s no date for that. He said he was confused because he asked for his blessing and said again, that he wished that I was married beforehand. That he doesn’t want him marrying me just because I’m pregnant and to leave me high and dry as a single mother. I reminded him that we planned on being legally married before the baby gets here. Then he wanted to know the date for that. I told him we hadn’t picked a date and we just planned on a no muss, no fuss getting the license and before an officiant just the two of us then a year after the baby we’d having an actual wedding. He said that he and my brother need to be there because he wants to see his daughter get married. I was speaking with my aunt and she said it’s normal for someone to wonder if we’re getting married just because of the baby. Is it at my age?

This whole thing feels like a cluster-f. I’m sure a part of this is due to my hormones but it’s all making me sad and feeling lonely. Most of my family isn’t happy, and my mom not being here makes it feel even lonelier. I was happier before other people knew. None of this would be happening if I was married first…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh. "Unwed." That word belongs back in 1951.

OK, let's just say she got knocked up.
Whatever term is used to describe her situation, the facts remain the same. She and the child have no legal status in a union with a prescribed financial format. She is on her own but dreaming of some media influenced scenario. She is oblivious to the precarious situation she is in.
Get to the freaking courthouse already - do it for the kid.

THIS. Plus no one has said it but OP needs to be concerned about pre atal care and how she’s going to pay for delivery. Does she have healthcare? Does the boyfriend? Can he put her on his policy? If so, get married tomorrow- instead OP is fussing about a piece of metal. Babies are expensive!

Huh what 35 yr old women doesn't have their own health care? And presumably by 14 weeks she's already gone to obgyn. I can think of 5 women I know who are single moms by choice... this isn't a teen pregnancy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh. "Unwed." That word belongs back in 1951.

OK, let's just say she got knocked up.
Whatever term is used to describe her situation, the facts remain the same. She and the child have no legal status in a union with a prescribed financial format. She is on her own but dreaming of some media influenced scenario. She is oblivious to the precarious situation she is in.
Get to the freaking courthouse already - do it for the kid.

THIS. Plus no one has said it but OP needs to be concerned about pre atal care and how she’s going to pay for delivery. Does she have healthcare? Does the boyfriend? Can he put her on his policy? If so, get married tomorrow- instead OP is fussing about a piece of metal. Babies are expensive!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh. "Unwed." That word belongs back in 1951.

OK, let's just say she got knocked up.
Whatever term is used to describe her situation, the facts remain the same. She and the child have no legal status in a union with a prescribed financial format. She is on her own but dreaming of some media influenced scenario. She is oblivious to the precarious situation she is in.
Get to the freaking courthouse already - do it for the kid.

Anonymous wrote:Oh gosh. "Unwed." That word belongs back in 1951.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 35 years old and starting my second trimester. My SO and I have been happily together for 1.5 years. We met when I was 18, tried dating throughout the years but the timing was always off until recently. I lost my mother unexpectedly in August of 2024, so when I found out I was pregnant I was both elated and sad; very bittersweet. However, I knew the baby was a blessing and it was the most at peace I felt in years.

My SO is well off, a man of his word, reliable, works hard, and we get a long well, so although we’re not married I’m happy he’s the father. We had talked about marriage before the pregnancy, so we want to make sure we’re legally married. He asked for my father’s hand already. We told my dad about me pregnant and he was not happy. Neither was my older brother. My dad, who I guess up until this point absolutely adored my SO. He said he wished I was married beforehand, which I assured him we planned on being legally married before giving birth. That wasn’t good enough I guess because he said it would be a “rushed job” and that he’s worried that he just wants to marry me because of the baby. My brother said I’m rushing things. Great.

We announced my pregnancy to our families on Thanksgiving. His family was so excited, my on the other hand, not so much. My mom’s sisters were happy but everyone else, mainly my uncles didn’t say a word. In fact, one of them sat next to me after we announced and asked if I was okay. I told him I was and asked if he was. Then, he asked if I was happy and I told him yes. He slow nodded and said, “Okay. I’m happy if you’re happy”. The crazy thing is, this uncle grew up with my SO’s family and they’ve been close since he was a boy! Even my aunt said the family’s reaction was lukewarm. She chalked it up to the family not knowing my SO very well since he’s only been around the family a handful of times. That’s when I told her it would’ve been different if I was married first.

Today, my father wanted to chit chat. I figured it was about his will since he’s been working on it. Nope. It was to talk about us getting married. The first thing out of his mouth was, “So when is the wedding?”. I was confused because I’m in no shape to plan a wedding for 100+ people right now. I told him there’s no date for that. He said he was confused because he asked for his blessing and said again, that he wished that I was married beforehand. That he doesn’t want him marrying me just because I’m pregnant and to leave me high and dry as a single mother. I reminded him that we planned on being legally married before the baby gets here. Then he wanted to know the date for that. I told him we hadn’t picked a date and we just planned on a no muss, no fuss getting the license and before an officiant just the two of us then a year after the baby we’d having an actual wedding. He said that he and my brother need to be there because he wants to see his daughter get married. I was speaking with my aunt and she said it’s normal for someone to wonder if we’re getting married just because of the baby. Is it at my age?

This whole thing feels like a cluster-f. I’m sure a part of this is due to my hormones but it’s all making me sad and feeling lonely. Most of my family isn’t happy, and my mom not being here makes it feel even lonelier. I was happier before other people knew. None of this would be happening if I was married first…

You aren't married and pregnant. You don't need a wedding all dressed in virginal white with a modest veil to hide your virginal face. Get married so this child isn't thought of as illegitimate and have a party after child is born.