If you really can be home for 3-4 days per week, it’s not that much different than some of my friends who are consultants.

Option 3 for a year.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Middle school is not great for him. Academically he is fine. But he was zoned for a middle school that is not where most of his elementary school friends went, so it has been very rough on him socially and there has been bullying that the school won’t address.

In that case, why not consider option 4, which you don't mention. Move with your son to the new city while your husband stays in DC during the week and joins you on weekends. Your husband can job hunt for the new locale if your family does love the area, or perhaps he might have some opportunity for remote work in the future.

Your son could either interrupt the school year (since you mention the bullying, etc.) or opt to finish up the school year in the DMV area while staying with dad, and move over the summer to start 8th grade there. It would still be tough, but less impossible to imagine than being away M-F for years on end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How close is husband to being able to get early retirement? If he is within a few years, maybe do 3 until then. Lifetime federal health benefits are a big deal.

OP here. DH could early-retire in two years, assuming his agency still offers early retirement then. So that is a consideration. DH really likes the potential new city. He just does not like the thought of looking for a new job.

Do 3 and then, assuming you still like the job and new city, kid moves the year after next for high school, and husband moves when he retires a few months later.

At 40, I no longer believe in dream jobs. The role may sound great, but may have a toxic manager, horrible clients, etc. Stuff that you can’t always assess during interviews but which can make you miserable.

I would take the job if you want to leave DC generally, and not just because of what you think this job might be.

Anonymous wrote:How solid is your marriage?

Very solid. Married for 25 years.

How solid is your marriage?

If husband is a real superstar, there is the slight possibility that his agency would let him work remotely. Yes, this is unlikely with the new rules. But agencies can make exceptions. My agency just did for a coworker who we couldn’t afford to lose.

Anonymous wrote:You are just trading your misery with his misery.

Pass on the job.

Agreed. At 52 the trailing spouse will most likely not get a job anything close in responsibility or pay to their current job. In most cases, a move only works in middle age if the trailing spouse is willing to stay at home or takes a hobby job (or can move and continue working remotely). I wouldn't move unless you can fully support the family and your DH is okay with an early retirement, even though that may involve some sort of part-time or underemployment. I am a trailing spouse and made clear that if we moved for DH's job, I would not be expected to earn a professional salary again.

Anonymous wrote:You are just trading your misery with his misery.

Pass on the job.

It also depends on where the job is. If it’s in a livable and affordable area like Denver, there is less chance of misery than, say, Dayton or San Francisco.

You are just trading your misery with his misery.

Pass on the job.

Make the move now. All of you. At 52, your husband won’t face the worst types of age discrimination because he realistically could be in his job for another 10-15 years. But if he waits a few years, it will be more of a problem.

Husband has just looked online for jobs in the new city and there definitely are some private sector postings that he'd be qualified for, but no way to tell how they'd view his application as he is a lifelong fed.

My new opportunity is very stable. Most of the people with similar roles have been there for well over a decade (and many far longer than that). There have never been layoffs, though of course there is a first time for everything.

I'm 48 and DH is 52 (so he also is worried about age discrimination when he applies for new jobs).

My misery mainly comes from what the administration did to my agency and what it continues to do. But even after this administration, I don't see how the agency recovers to anything like it had been, as so many people have left. I try not to panic about these sorts of things, but I don't see how it would be a place I want to work in the next decade.

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband looked at what job opportunities there might be for him in the new city? How stable is the new opportunity for you, including how well will it weather problems with the economy that everyone is saying are coming?

How well will your child tolerate you not being around half the time?

How old are you and your husband, which will give us an idea of how many more years of working you are talking about?

Is the misery in your current job because of the current administration, because you don’t like the actual work, or some other reason?

Has your husband looked at what job opportunities there might be for him in the new city? How stable is the new opportunity for you, including how well will it weather problems with the economy that everyone is saying are coming?

How well will your child tolerate you not being around half the time?

How old are you and your husband, which will give us an idea of how many more years of working you are talking about?

Is the misery in your current job because of the current administration, because you don’t like the actual work, or some other reason?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Middle school is not great for him. Academically he is fine. But he was zoned for a middle school that is not where most of his elementary school friends went, so it has been very rough on him socially and there has been bullying that the school won’t address.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go with #3 if the possibility of a fair amount of remote work was really going to happen. I would never make my child leave his school if he was happy and had a good group of friends. That would be my primary concern. Plus, you say it's your dream job but quite frankly until you're actually in the job and you figure out who you're working with you don't yet know if you're really gonna be happ. all it takes is one a-hole, one passive aggressive micromanager to make your dream job turn into hell. Or maybe you will learn that you hate the new city.

Children can adjust for moves. Best to do it before high school when they are involved in sports teams and other things.

We can agree to disagree. If my middle school son was happy with a good group of friends there is no way I would move him out of that situation and environment. The risk is too great (hard or lonely adjustment at new school, possible bullying, exposure to negative influences). It all depends on the kid along with all the external factors, of course, but as a mother I would prioritize making sure my child is in a good situation over the job change. Conversely, if my son was currently unhappy, friendless, bullied I would jump at the chance to move him (bonus, I get my dream job).

Ok this is PP who said priorotize your kid's needs. Op, I thought you said your son was doing well in MS. Now he's not? Ok. Wish you had been honest about that in your OP. With this new info my vote is to def move and give him a fresh start.