Id probably bring it up later casually, like "oh by the way did you ever find out if there was a story behind that water bottle gift being used?"

And then if there are any follow up questions, make them more curious than prescriptive, like "huh, how do you feel about that?"

Kind of raising the issue that it's sort of a thoughtless gift but not telling her outright that her bf is horrible.

I'd also look for any signs that dd could be raising expectations that she wants expensive gifts.

maybe she had noticed one and liked it, maybe it was his moms and he asked if he could give it to her etc. Who knows.

I think jumping to the conclusion of bad intent or bad character is a pretty sexist view. That males shouldn't be understood or given the benefit of the doubt - but should just be assumed to be bad people with bad intentions without even exploring the situation.

If OPs daughter had seen something used that she thought her boyfriend had really liked and gave it to him, I doubt the thread would be people accusing her immediately of being a horrible person with bad intent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Id ask if she knows why she received a wet water bottle.

Maybe she noticed his bottle and commented that it’s nice. He then gave it to her, and rinsed it beforehand.

Fine to say "do you want it? I don't really use it." It's not a birthday present.

They’ve been dating like 30 seconds, it seems fine.

Stickers from the dollar store would even be a better gift than used dirty stuff. OP hasn't mentioned any mitigating circumstances, like he's desperately poor or neurodivergent.

OP’s DD seemed fine with it.

Anyway, this thread reminds me to check in with DS about his plans for a Christmas gift for his GF. I wonder if this kid’s mom even knows he is dating…I figured one of my tasks as mom was to train him to buy proper gifts.

The fact that the DD is fine with it a problem. Parents, teach your daughters to have higher standards! Come on!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Id ask if she knows why she received a wet water bottle.

Maybe she noticed his bottle and commented that it’s nice. He then gave it to her, and rinsed it beforehand.

Fine to say "do you want it? I don't really use it." It's not a birthday present.

They’ve been dating like 30 seconds, it seems fine.

Stickers from the dollar store would even be a better gift than used dirty stuff. OP hasn't mentioned any mitigating circumstances, like he's desperately poor or neurodivergent.

Because neurodivergent immediately means rude/not smart/incapable of making good decisions? People like you are the scourge of society.

What?! No. Not what I meant at all. I can just see how a neurodivergent person might think that if they have seen people gift (new) water bottles before, and seen people give away used stuff they no longer use to friends, that in their mind they may think it is appropriate to give a used water bottle as a birthday present, losing the social nuance that birthday gifts are supposed to be clean and unused.

Why would you think a neurodivergent person would do this?

I would just keep lines of communication very open with your daughter so that if there are more issues with this guy, you hear about them.

Agreed. I do see the point of the people saying if she's happy, let it be, but I would definitely keep ears open and try to suss out if she's "happy" because she's a people pleaser and doesn't think she should ask for more. I'm actually a little weirded out by people saying accepting this gift makes her a "good person." The daughter mentioned to her mother that she found liquid inside, so she understood it was unusual enough to comment.

Also, a 3 month relationship is a big deal for HS students. That’s a pretty long relationship, equivalent to like almost a year in adult dating time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should have specified that the water bottle had something like tea or juice in it. Definitely not water.

I will stay out of it and not say anything to her. I’ll keep my judgmental thoughts to myself!

Yeah, this is trashy. Cannot believe people are defending this. As a mom, I’d keep my comments to myself- and hope this is a short lived relationship. Even for a teen- this is a bad move and shows he is an idiot

+100

She's not entitled to a gift, but if he chooses to give one, it has to be a reasonable gift... not a used, unwashed water bottle, good grief. Or even a used washed one. Come on.

He's still learning, but he won't learn unless she tells him this isn't acceptable to give your girlfriend essentially a piece of trash (I know, I know, someone will reply and say "Oh, people on my buy nothing group grab these all the time!). And I wouldn't want DD to learn that she must accept any piece of crap because it's from a guy and he's just trying. It sounds like he didn't know what to give her so just grabbed his mom's water bottle!

Agree. But I don’t think he was trying. He had to know he was giving her used water bottle isn’t appropriate for a birthday present. I almost would question if he did it intentionally as a way to devalue her and mess with her psychologically.

Yes! This is such a bizarre out of left field "gift" that I'd assume some weird power play as well.

I agree with this too. It’s really really weird and suggests either a weird power play, a guy who steals, or (at best) a guy who doesn’t really think they are in a relationship and isn’t really into her, so just grabbed something out of the lost and found bin.

I have a 17 year old son. When he was first dating his girlfriend and it was her birthday he got her a box of chocolates. It was not super expensive or snythkng and I think he got it at cvs but he didn’t give her trash. (It was one of the nicer boxes of gift chocolates from cvs if that matters.) His girlfriend doesn’t have a ton of money and often gives him homemade gifts, which he loves.

I don’t think it’s weird for a mom to care about how her daughter’s bf treats her. Arguably, this is more important than stuff like grades and what sports team they try out for, given how many women have their lives ruined by men who don’t treat them well. I would care just as I care about how my son treats his girlfriend.

I would just keep lines of communication very open with your daughter so that if there are more issues with this guy, you hear about them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Id ask if she knows why she received a wet water bottle.

Maybe she noticed his bottle and commented that it’s nice. He then gave it to her, and rinsed it beforehand.

Fine to say "do you want it? I don't really use it." It's not a birthday present.

They’ve been dating like 30 seconds, it seems fine.

Stickers from the dollar store would even be a better gift than used dirty stuff. OP hasn't mentioned any mitigating circumstances, like he's desperately poor or neurodivergent.

Because neurodivergent immediately means rude/not smart/incapable of making good decisions? People like you are the scourge of society.

What?! No. Not what I meant at all. I can just see how a neurodivergent person might think that if they have seen people gift (new) water bottles before, and seen people give away used stuff they no longer use to friends, that in their mind they may think it is appropriate to give a used water bottle as a birthday present, losing the social nuance that birthday gifts are supposed to be clean and unused.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Id ask if she knows why she received a wet water bottle.

Maybe she noticed his bottle and commented that it’s nice. He then gave it to her, and rinsed it beforehand.

Fine to say "do you want it? I don't really use it." It's not a birthday present.

They’ve been dating like 30 seconds, it seems fine.

Stickers from the dollar store would even be a better gift than used dirty stuff. OP hasn't mentioned any mitigating circumstances, like he's desperately poor or neurodivergent.

OP’s DD seemed fine with it.

Anyway, this thread reminds me to check in with DS about his plans for a Christmas gift for his GF. I wonder if this kid’s mom even knows he is dating…I figured one of my tasks as mom was to train him to buy proper gifts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's kind to her and treats her well, who the freak cares about an inapt gift?

Because this is the opposite of “is kind to her and treats her well.” The best he could think to do for her birthday was giving her a used water bottle that still had juice/tea in it! Did he take it from his sister? Find it in the lost and found at school? What the h*ll…there is nothing normal, nice, or treating her well about this.

Did you forget we are talking about children here? He is likely 17 and may or may not have a job and money. While a used water bottle is not great, it's hardly the end of the world for a bunch of kids who have been dating for 3 months. Get a grip!!!

It’s beyond bizarre. A normal person of any age would know better

Not nearly as bizarre as a bunch of grown women caring THIS much about a dumn teenage gift.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Id ask if she knows why she received a wet water bottle.

Maybe she noticed his bottle and commented that it’s nice. He then gave it to her, and rinsed it beforehand.

Fine to say "do you want it? I don't really use it." It's not a birthday present.

They’ve been dating like 30 seconds, it seems fine.

Stickers from the dollar store would even be a better gift than used dirty stuff. OP hasn't mentioned any mitigating circumstances, like he's desperately poor or neurodivergent.

Because neurodivergent immediately means rude/not smart/incapable of making good decisions? People like you are the scourge of society.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's kind to her and treats her well, who the freak cares about an inapt gift?

Because this is the opposite of “is kind to her and treats her well.” The best he could think to do for her birthday was giving her a used water bottle that still had juice/tea in it! Did he take it from his sister? Find it in the lost and found at school? What the h*ll…there is nothing normal, nice, or treating her well about this.

Did you forget we are talking about children here? He is likely 17 and may or may not have a job and money. While a used water bottle is not great, it's hardly the end of the world for a bunch of kids who have been dating for 3 months. Get a grip!!!

It’s beyond bizarre. A normal person of any age would know better

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he's kind to her and treats her well, who the freak cares about an inapt gift?

Because this is the opposite of “is kind to her and treats her well.” The best he could think to do for her birthday was giving her a used water bottle that still had juice/tea in it! Did he take it from his sister? Find it in the lost and found at school? What the h*ll…there is nothing normal, nice, or treating her well about this.

Did you forget we are talking about children here? He is likely 17 and may or may not have a job and money. While a used water bottle is not great, it's hardly the end of the world for a bunch of kids who have been dating for 3 months. Get a grip!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Id ask if she knows why she received a wet water bottle.

Maybe she noticed his bottle and commented that it’s nice. He then gave it to her, and rinsed it beforehand.

Fine to say "do you want it? I don't really use it." It's not a birthday present.

They’ve been dating like 30 seconds, it seems fine.

Stickers from the dollar store would even be a better gift than used dirty stuff. OP hasn't mentioned any mitigating circumstances, like he's desperately poor or neurodivergent.

Anonymous wrote:If he's kind to her and treats her well, who the freak cares about an inapt gift?

Because this is the opposite of “is kind to her and treats her well.” The best he could think to do for her birthday was giving her a used water bottle that still had juice/tea in it! Did he take it from his sister? Find it in the lost and found at school? What the h*ll…there is nothing normal, nice, or treating her well about this.