Anonymous
Post 11/15/2025 14:37     Subject: Child is severely left out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The best thing you can do is be proactive about supporting new friendships. Drive DD and friend of her choice to a fun activity, host hangouts etc.


The friend who has been excluding her got the rest of my DD’s friends on her side. It used to be only 1 person, but it seems the whole group is now excluding her. They make it very obvious as well.


Your certainty that you have a full picture of what is going on is naive. You are hearing one version from a biased participant. No one is entitled to be invited to everything in an undefined group of friends. Friends evolve over time and perhaps some reflection about why your daughter isn't getting invited is in order.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2025 13:36     Subject: Child is severely left out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The quiet part no one says is that all the “popular” kids are first and foremost worried about themselves and maintaining their own status. They only keep “friends” that they feel in the moment can aid that status. They are not true or loyal friends because they will drop you the moment you are no longer useful, or worse, a detriment to them.


Exactly. But I can tell you that it's not just the "popular" kids. It's those that want to be "popular" and view everyone else as stepping stones or rivals along the social ladder.

Those personality types I can understand. It's the accessories I'll never get. Don't they realize that they'll either inevitably succomb to the same fate or damn themselves to permanent second tier status?


Yes, exactly. As PP said, they only keep you around if it helps their status. My kid went through the exact same thing. There was a time where her “friend” was extremely close with her. Soon, that “friend” made other friends because she wanted to become “popular.” Once my kid was not the same level of “status” as her “friend”, the “friend” started excluding my daughter, and bragging about certain hangouts (like you said, OP) Their friendship drifted. Now, my child has found her right people (10th grade) It was a tough year… I’m happy it happened sooner than later (obviously, I didn’t want it to happen at all, but with this friend if it was bound to happen it’s better to happen before high school)
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2025 13:24     Subject: Child is severely left out
Anonymous wrote:The quiet part no one says is that all the “popular” kids are first and foremost worried about themselves and maintaining their own status. They only keep “friends” that they feel in the moment can aid that status. They are not true or loyal friends because they will drop you the moment you are no longer useful, or worse, a detriment to them.


Exactly. But I can tell you that it's not just the "popular" kids. It's those that want to be "popular" and view everyone else as stepping stones or rivals along the social ladder.

Those personality types I can understand. It's the accessories I'll never get. Don't they realize that they'll either inevitably succomb to the same fate or damn themselves to permanent second tier status?
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2025 10:36     Subject: Child is severely left out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hey guys, thank you for all your feedback. DD talked to “friend” last night, and “friend” said she had no problem with DD. Although, today it seemed to have gotten worse as “friend” has completely disregarded her. DD came home crying. Planning on having a movie night today with the recommended shows you all have given. What are the next steps possible to take? Should I do something or let her handle it?


That sounds like such a pick me. What does it mean the friend has completely disregarded her? It’s sounds like such a needy interaction to discuss if anyone has a problem with her. That’s not a reason to come home trying. You getting so involved in her teen relationships is not a good thing.


I’m OP, and by disregard I meant ignored DD all day after both of them agreeing they did not have problems. Then, proceeded to invite the whole friend group to watch a movie tonight in front of DD. Say what you want, but I do not think being left out in your face is being a pick me.


I absolutely disagree with PP. your daughter did the mature thing by adtesssing it head on in a respectful way — if you have a problem with me, let’s discuss it. The other girl denied there is a problem and then doubled down on the exclusion, showing that she’s super immature. It may be that she can’t hold the center of his friend group. I would not be surprised if other girls start recognizing this girl is toxic and dropping off from the group, in which case they may become friendly with your daughter again. I think it’s important for your daughter to take the high road. Be friendly to the other girls but don’t chase them. Don’t feed the drama. If anyone asks her she can say something like “I have no idea what her issue is with me. But whatever — she can live her life and I’ll live mine.”
I agree with others about encouraging her to find new friends in different groups and activities. But also take advantage of this lull in peer relationships to spend more time with her, watching movies, going shopping or out for a special meal, etc. it’s totally okay to have a period in life where you spend more time with your mom than your peers. Don’t hyper focus on finding her friends or talking about it too much because then she’ll feel like a loser about it.


+1. OP- you have mentioned majority of this friend group is going elsewhere, so this “friend” will probably do this same thing to someone else, which is not okay. But, it will be a matter of time before people start realizing that this girl is toxic. Someone will eventually speak up, and everyone will go their own ways. Tell your daughter this is a part of life, losing people no matter if it’s good or bad. In fact, this is very good for your DD, because she realized that this friend group was toxic early on instead of in high school or later. She WILL make new friends, it may not be now, but eventually she will. Just spend time with her, and don’t make it seem so serious. In her world, it seems like everything has gone to shit. You want to counter that, calm her down, and distract.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2025 09:15     Subject: Child is severely left out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hey guys, thank you for all your feedback. DD talked to “friend” last night, and “friend” said she had no problem with DD. Although, today it seemed to have gotten worse as “friend” has completely disregarded her. DD came home crying. Planning on having a movie night today with the recommended shows you all have given. What are the next steps possible to take? Should I do something or let her handle it?


That sounds like such a pick me. What does it mean the friend has completely disregarded her? It’s sounds like such a needy interaction to discuss if anyone has a problem with her. That’s not a reason to come home trying. You getting so involved in her teen relationships is not a good thing.


I’m OP, and by disregard I meant ignored DD all day after both of them agreeing they did not have problems. Then, proceeded to invite the whole friend group to watch a movie tonight in front of DD. Say what you want, but I do not think being left out in your face is being a pick me.


I absolutely disagree with PP. your daughter did the mature thing by adtesssing it head on in a respectful way — if you have a problem with me, let’s discuss it. The other girl denied there is a problem and then doubled down on the exclusion, showing that she’s super immature. It may be that she can’t hold the center of his friend group. I would not be surprised if other girls start recognizing this girl is toxic and dropping off from the group, in which case they may become friendly with your daughter again. I think it’s important for your daughter to take the high road. Be friendly to the other girls but don’t chase them. Don’t feed the drama. If anyone asks her she can say something like “I have no idea what her issue is with me. But whatever — she can live her life and I’ll live mine.”
I agree with others about encouraging her to find new friends in different groups and activities. But also take advantage of this lull in peer relationships to spend more time with her, watching movies, going shopping or out for a special meal, etc. it’s totally okay to have a period in life where you spend more time with your mom than your peers. Don’t hyper focus on finding her friends or talking about it too much because then she’ll feel like a loser about it.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2025 08:51     Subject: Child is severely left out
I could have written this post. Sane exact thing happening to my daughter in 8th grade. It is terrible. Some good responses here. My daughter has thrown herself into her outside interests, but it is still extremely painful. If your daughters do this, shame on them.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2025 08:48     Subject: Child is severely left out
The quiet part no one says is that all the “popular” kids are first and foremost worried about themselves and maintaining their own status. They only keep “friends” that they feel in the moment can aid that status. They are not true or loyal friends because they will drop you the moment you are no longer useful, or worse, a detriment to them.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2025 08:37     Subject: Child is severely left out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Teach her poportional insults and encourage her to not waste her time on these losers. Self-respect is important and High School is a different game.


The op daughter was not insulted.


Yes they were. That's what the other kid is doing. That kid knows what they are doing and means it as an insult.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 21:24     Subject: Child is severely left out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hey guys, thank you for all your feedback. DD talked to “friend” last night, and “friend” said she had no problem with DD. Although, today it seemed to have gotten worse as “friend” has completely disregarded her. DD came home crying. Planning on having a movie night today with the recommended shows you all have given. What are the next steps possible to take? Should I do something or let her handle it?


That sounds like such a pick me. What does it mean the friend has completely disregarded her? It’s sounds like such a needy interaction to discuss if anyone has a problem with her. That’s not a reason to come home trying. You getting so involved in her teen relationships is not a good thing.


I’m OP, and by disregard I meant ignored DD all day after both of them agreeing they did not have problems. Then, proceeded to invite the whole friend group to watch a movie tonight in front of DD. Say what you want, but I do not think being left out in your face is being a pick me.


Both you and your daughter need to understand that nobody owes her anything. Having a conversation the night before, doesn’t mean the girl is obligated to hang out with your daughter if she doesn’t want to.

If they make plan in front of the daughter either she should ask if she can join, or read the room, maybe she lingering too much where she’s not wanted.

Friendships change, especially in middle school, the other girls are not “bad” they don’t like her. Regardless, she needs to move on and find friends that she connects with.


Stop with this "nobody owes you" crap. It's just not how relationships work. It's a tired phrase, put it to rest.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 21:19     Subject: Child is severely left out
Anonymous wrote:Teach her poportional insults and encourage her to not waste her time on these losers. Self-respect is important and High School is a different game.


The op daughter was not insulted.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 20:19     Subject: Child is severely left out
Teach her poportional insults and encourage her to not waste her time on these losers. Self-respect is important and High School is a different game.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 18:49     Subject: Child is severely left out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hey guys, thank you for all your feedback. DD talked to “friend” last night, and “friend” said she had no problem with DD. Although, today it seemed to have gotten worse as “friend” has completely disregarded her. DD came home crying. Planning on having a movie night today with the recommended shows you all have given. What are the next steps possible to take? Should I do something or let her handle it?


That sounds like such a pick me. What does it mean the friend has completely disregarded her? It’s sounds like such a needy interaction to discuss if anyone has a problem with her. That’s not a reason to come home trying. You getting so involved in her teen relationships is not a good thing.


I’m OP, and by disregard I meant ignored DD all day after both of them agreeing they did not have problems. Then, proceeded to invite the whole friend group to watch a movie tonight in front of DD. Say what you want, but I do not think being left out in your face is being a pick me.


Both you and your daughter need to understand that nobody owes her anything. Having a conversation the night before, doesn’t mean the girl is obligated to hang out with your daughter if she doesn’t want to.

If they make plan in front of the daughter either she should ask if she can join, or read the room, maybe she lingering too much where she’s not wanted.

Friendships change, especially in middle school, the other girls are not “bad” they don’t like her. Regardless, she needs to move on and find friends that she connects with.



Dosn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt to be not wanted somewhere. It’s not that easy to get up and move along with people that have been your friend since kindergarten, and out of nowhere don’t talk to you. I get your point, but the point of this post isn’t to help DD linger on to these “friends”, it’s to help find ways for her to cope.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 18:44     Subject: Child is severely left out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hey guys, thank you for all your feedback. DD talked to “friend” last night, and “friend” said she had no problem with DD. Although, today it seemed to have gotten worse as “friend” has completely disregarded her. DD came home crying. Planning on having a movie night today with the recommended shows you all have given. What are the next steps possible to take? Should I do something or let her handle it?


That sounds like such a pick me. What does it mean the friend has completely disregarded her? It’s sounds like such a needy interaction to discuss if anyone has a problem with her. That’s not a reason to come home trying. You getting so involved in her teen relationships is not a good thing.


I’m OP, and by disregard I meant ignored DD all day after both of them agreeing they did not have problems. Then, proceeded to invite the whole friend group to watch a movie tonight in front of DD. Say what you want, but I do not think being left out in your face is being a pick me.


Both you and your daughter need to understand that nobody owes her anything. Having a conversation the night before, doesn’t mean the girl is obligated to hang out with your daughter if she doesn’t want to.

If they make plan in front of the daughter either she should ask if she can join, or read the room, maybe she lingering too much where she’s not wanted.

Friendships change, especially in middle school, the other girls are not “bad” they don’t like her. Regardless, she needs to move on and find friends that she connects with.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 18:12     Subject: Child is severely left out
Thanks for all the previous posts everyone. I am talking to my DD about making new friends, and not hanging on to these ones. They may be the right fit for someone else, but are simply just not for her. It may take some time to get her out of the “popular” mindset, because she really cares what others think. If anyone has any other suggestions i’d be pleased to look through them. Thankfully, this is her last year in middle school, and majority of her group (including “friend”) is going elsewhere for hs.
Anonymous
Post 11/14/2025 18:09     Subject: Child is severely left out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hey guys, thank you for all your feedback. DD talked to “friend” last night, and “friend” said she had no problem with DD. Although, today it seemed to have gotten worse as “friend” has completely disregarded her. DD came home crying. Planning on having a movie night today with the recommended shows you all have given. What are the next steps possible to take? Should I do something or let her handle it?


That sounds like such a pick me. What does it mean the friend has completely disregarded her? It’s sounds like such a needy interaction to discuss if anyone has a problem with her. That’s not a reason to come home trying. You getting so involved in her teen relationships is not a good thing.


I’m OP, and by disregard I meant ignored DD all day after both of them agreeing they did not have problems. Then, proceeded to invite the whole friend group to watch a movie tonight in front of DD. Say what you want, but I do not think being left out in your face is being a pick me.