Anonymous wrote:Some of you are really lucky that you have a very high paying job and leaving at 5 pm is the norm rather than than exception.

If you wanted to adopt a dog and said you worked 60 hours a week and had zero plans on how the dog would get fed, go for walks and spend time socializing/with someone most reputable places wouldn’t let you adopt the dog. Why is it okay to work long hours with no plan on how your kids will get fed or cared for other than assuming the other person in the household will take care of it? Working past 5pm isn’t an issue as long as you have an agreed upon plan on how responsibilities for the kids will be met. I’ve known people to come up with lots of different ways to make it work with kids and demanding jobs that ranges from being on different shifts, moving away to an area where it’s typically more 9-5 with shorter commute times, asking family to help out, or if financially able hiring help.

No. I consider 7 or earlier normal. 9 is late.

Before kids, 7pm was our cut off time to tell the other person what they were doing as far as working later, going to happy hour, coming home for dinner, etc.

If you have children, yes. If not, no.

Anonymous wrote:Or normal? Would you expect to receive notice from your spouse if they were staying at work until 7pm?

Depends on the line of work.

I work until 7 daily, so not late.

In DC and most other places, yes.

In NYC, London, maybe SF? Not really. Some cities just have later hours and even families adjust to it. When I lived in NYC, a normal workday was 10am to 7 or 8pm. My spouse and I had dinner around 8 or 9. In bed at 11 or 12.

Working late in a place like that means you're there until 9 or 10 at least, maybe later.

I think it can depend on the industry, too.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It’s nothing nefarious he’s just a workaholic. I often feel like I’m being gaslight that it’s a totally normal time for someone to work until and that it’s totally normal to just assume your spouse will make dinner and drive your children wherever they need to go.

Lots of people adjust their work hours once they have kids. It sounds like he never agreed to do that, and that your kids are old enough that this has been going on for years. It sounds like you are battling a years-long pattern.

Did you have to adjust your work hours for kids?

DH and I both work in industries that demand a lot; however, cultures have changed. Unless we have a client-facing event or dinner, we can both leave whenever we want, and rarely, either of us is home after 5 pm, other than for work travel or events. DH is often on work calls from our home office until late, which is annoying, but that's a different story.

Ya, it happens, but we don't spring it on each other because we have dependent, minor children who need to be picked up, fed, and put to bed. The assumption is that we'll both be home by 6; if either needs to be out later, we ask.

Some of you are really lucky that you have a very high paying job and leaving at 5 pm is the norm rather than than exception.