What does "spend my life savings" mean? Your retirement savings? Or do you have substantial investments outside of retirement? No, you shouldn't spend your retirement money on college, but yes, if you have other savings, you need to pay for college. How much do you have saved specifically for your daughter for college?

I have trouble feeling sympathy for posts like this when I'm a single mom making $70k per year and have put money into a 529 for my child. If I can do it, you certainly can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

How did you spend your money OP? We didn't go on fancy international vacations. We watched others do this with some envy but guess what, now they can't afford out of state private colleges and we can.

Hey, Smuggie McSmuggikins, a lot of us donut hole families are here not because we didn’t save on our huuuuge salaries, but because those salaries are very recent. If I’ve had anywhere near my current salary for 18 years, it wouldn’t be an issue. But we were a low earners (sub 100k combined) for so many years now our retirement accounts will be strictly cat-food level if we don’t save most of what we’re making now. It is what it is, but I completely understand OP’s sadness and frustration.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ROTC

Ok ROTC does not work that way (speaking as someone with a kid in ROTC and no money at the moment). Getting a scholarship is incredibly competitive - somewhat easier once you hit your junior year and potentially commission, but still far from a sure thing.

I just hear this casually mentioned here all the time and I wanted to correct the record.

Did ROTC. Husband did ROTC. 2 kids already commissioned through ROTC. Next is a Junior in ROTC. All with 4 year scholarships. This is not mentioned casually. People are encouraging the student to apply to selective schools. This is an additional selective way to pay for college.

Bonus is that most can go active duty upon commissioning and have a job.

Honored to have served our nation. It is a wonderful program.

I respect that, but no way on h&ll would I want one of my kids in the military with who we have in Office and the way the world is going. It’s not 1940s go fight for democracy and get the bad guys anymore—it’s the opposite.

Let’s face it, you are too much of a flower to have anything to do with the military no matter who was president.

There’s a selingo spreadsheet out there of buyers and sellers. Apply to the extreme buyers.

This is a lot like buying a car. The new Mercedes might make you proud for a couple days. But the $1000 72 month payment is the gift that keeps on giving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

We were in the exact same situation as you last year ... kids friends DID get into T20s... coming from a public magnet with a lot of very, very low income but high achieving students. Many are there for very little $ (think $4k a year at Duke).

Everyone loves to say ... apply, meets need to schools give $ up to X income. That's great but at a high(er) income level you're getting maybe 25k-30k off a 90k school at the very most, if you have no assets. Which is still 60k+/year. The NPCs are accurate.

I will say...in the fall as the early acceptances come in there were lot of kids saying they are committed to Michigan, Cornell, etc...but by the spring, when the financial aid packages come out it's time to commit and the reality of the cost sets in, some of those kids ended up at our in-state flagship, or less expensive, less prestigious schools.

The GREAT news is that if you have ivy level stats, there are a LOT of places you can probably go almost for free. If it's a school that gives great merit money to super high achievers...there will be a LOT of super high achievers there. My kids school is very low ranked but has a TON of Ivy level kids (kids that turned down T10 acceptances) and followed the money...

The issue isn’t the stats- it’s the acceptances. kids at your kid’s school had a hook (high achieving at a very low ranked school). Without a hook, the likelihood is low.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

First, recognize it's never worth going into massive debt for college.

Second, of course T20 schools don't really offer merit, so if you won't get FA, know that going in. Find a great list of schools in the 25-100 range that will offer merit and apply widely and search for merit. There are plenty of privates that will give kids qualified for T20 schools excellent merit.

Most people are in this situation. If you didn't/weren't able to save you dont' pay 90K/year and trash your retirement and/or you and your kid's future. You go somewhere that costs only $30-35K and call it a day.

Out of the kids who got into Ivies we know (5), only one is going because she got full financial aid. The others ended up at flagships and places with lots of merit aid. It's just not a sound financial decision for most people aside from poor/rich, even if you were able to save because you can get a very good education for much cheaper and save that money for other needs. It's not wrong not to be willing to put yourself in a bad position financially. Responsibility should trump guilt.

Feel good about what you CAN afford.

Your feelings will spill over and be felt by your daughter. It’s time to reframe your thinking around this. It’s not a tragedy you can’t buy the Louis Vuitton purse…

I was your dd, but we were poor and it was before they were need blind. I actually did get into an ivy early and couldn't go. It took me longer than I care to admit to get over it (am I even over it?). Life is not fair. That's just how it goes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it makes you feel any better, many MC/UMC families are in the exact same situation. Public flagships are filled with upper middle class kids who can’t afford $90k a year Private schools.

She will get a good education and have a blast! Emphasize the positives.

+1 my UMC super high stats kid is at the state flagship. DC has had some wonderful internships and is having a blast. They also got merit aid, and the school took most of DC's AP/IB scores. We saved so much money.

DC will have money leftover from their college fund.

Yep. The $90k private schools are filled with wealthy and low-income students, and the social divide between them is stark (see other DCUM thread).

Flagships are great because of the enormous range of students, especially a huge concentration of middle class and UMC students.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

You mean you can afford but just don't want to spend on kid's college education, sad.

Anonymous wrote:If it makes you feel any better, many MC/UMC families are in the exact same situation. Public flagships are filled with upper middle class kids who can’t afford $90k a year Private schools.

She will get a good education and have a blast! Emphasize the positives.

+1 my UMC super high stats kid is at the state flagship. DC has had some wonderful internships and is having a blast. They also got merit aid, and the school took most of DC's AP/IB scores. We saved so much money.

DC will have money leftover from their college fund.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t afford a top school for DD unless I spend my life savings, which I’m not willing to do.
But I’m sad that she worked hard in high school and can’t apply to anything that will cost more than in state.
Her friends are applying to ivy schools because they qualify for financial aid and they can afford to go there if they get in.
DD could likely get into a top 20 school but wouldn’t get merit aid there.
Just a vent.

We were in the exact same situation as you last year ... kids friends DID get into T20s... coming from a public magnet with a lot of very, very low income but high achieving students. Many are there for very little $ (think $4k a year at Duke).

Everyone loves to say ... apply, meets need to schools give $ up to X income. That's great but at a high(er) income level you're getting maybe 25k-30k off a 90k school at the very most, if you have no assets. Which is still 60k+/year. The NPCs are accurate.

I will say...in the fall as the early acceptances come in there were lot of kids saying they are committed to Michigan, Cornell, etc...but by the spring, when the financial aid packages come out it's time to commit and the reality of the cost sets in, some of those kids ended up at our in-state flagship, or less expensive, less prestigious schools.

The GREAT news is that if you have ivy level stats, there are a LOT of places you can probably go almost for free. If it's a school that gives great merit money to super high achievers...there will be a LOT of super high achievers there. My kids school is very low ranked but has a TON of Ivy level kids (kids that turned down T10 acceptances) and followed the money...

Are you poor or what? If you were poor kid would get a free ride to Harvard.
So you probably make 6 figures.
Some kids would love to get into a flagship state school.

Frankly, it’s on your dd to work hard and get a scholarship. It’s not on you.