Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

It sounds like you are saying that the things women do to put men in the mood for sex are sexy, but the things that men do to put women in the mood for sex are transactional.

I mean, in what world is taking a bath kind of like taking out a bank loan?

The man isn't the one taking the bath. If the wife wants the husband to take a bath before sex, I can totally understand that.

But having him tend to the electronics, the linens, the refreshments, and the bathroom conditions before she can be bothered with sex starts to look a little transactional.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

It sounds like you are saying that the things women do to put men in the mood for sex are sexy, but the things that men do to put women in the mood for sex are transactional.

I mean, in what world is taking a bath kind of like taking out a bank loan?

The man isn't the one taking the bath. If the wife wants the husband to take a bath before sex, I can totally understand that.

But having him tend to the electronics, the linens, the refreshments, and the bathroom conditions before she can be bothered with sex starts to look a little transactional.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

It sounds like you are saying that the things women do to put men in the mood for sex are sexy, but the things that men do to put women in the mood for sex are transactional.

I mean, in what world is taking a bath kind of like taking out a bank loan?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

Anonymous wrote:We have a good sex life but I can’t imagine wanting sex on Christmas. Christmas is effing exhausting.

Anonymous wrote:I have always found this super weird and makes me think that a couple must not be having regular sex if it’s important to have it on holidays etc…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas. Does this happen in your relationship or you don’t worry about it?

That is silly to put additional pressure on events like that.

Sex should be spontanious not planned.

Female here. I’d be PISSED to not get sex on such important dates. I’m dressed up, looking nice, feeling festive, and … nothing?? The spontaneity can be which positions. lol.

I actually have a close friend who marks sex on her calendar. It lets her get herself feeling sexy and hot. She likes it planned. Wouldn’t work for me, but it does for her marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH has long figured out the key to sex is to not make it an expectation. His “game” is to run me a hot bath. He will usually put in epson salts and top it off with bubbles. He makes sure my AirPods are charged. He then brings me a bottle of water and a glass of wine. He turns out the lights in the bathroom and walks away.

When I’m done he has changed the sheets on the bed. I climb into crisp cool sheets. He puts on one of my favorite shows and invites me to snuggle up to him. Sometimes I just crash but usually cuddling leads to kissing which leads to his end game.

You sound exhausting. No man should have to put in that work just to have sex. I'd go get it elsewhere for a hell of a lot less effort.

I’m not that poster, but how are you “getting it elsewhere” for less effort than this? It’s literally changing your own sheets, running a bath, and getting a glass of wine from the refrigerator in your own home.

What’s your normal move if bathing, changing your sheets, and getting your partner a drink is too much effort?

I think what people don't get is the idea that you need to be cajoled into having sex with your husband.
It makes it seem like you view sex as a reward for your husband and something you tolerate if he's been a * good boy" vs something you enjoy it's a good time for both of you.

And I guess I can't relate to that mentality. But I also can't relate to relegating sex to obligatory days I will tolerate it. So this thread probably is for me or others who actually like sex with their spouse.

It made me think that she is more interested in sex when she is relaxed, and her husband knows how to get her to that state.
Every woman knows how to get a man thinking about sex. Or are you going to tell me that if I put on lingerie or whisper dirty things, then I am cajoling my husband into having sex with me because I’m a “good girl?” Or that he doesn’t actually like having sex with me?
It’s nice to know that there is at least one man out there who knows how to get his wife interested in sex.

I think the difference is that when you're putting on lingerie and whispering dirty things; you're doing sexy things to make him sexually interested.

Charging airpods and all the other stuff she mentioned is like two steps removed from sex; making it seem transactional. If you're giving good sex to get good sex, that's awesome. If you're giving someone a better rate on their loan to get sex, that's gross. In between those extremes, there's a spectrum.

DP. You sound limited and boring. Lingerie is sexy but a bath and clean sheets are only transactional?

Nothing that poster posted would do it for me (a woman), but it’s great that she and her husband know what gets her relaxed and in the mood.

You missed the part where I said it was a spectrum. Charging airpods, delivering wine, and tending to the linens is further along the line toward transactional than is talking dirty.

Back in the early days of dating, music, pouring wine, and having clean sheets was part of wooing someone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Turning on a bathroom tap is...free. Add in dumping in some bath salts and it adds up to about 30 seconds of effort. I had no idea asking your husband to take 30 seconds out of his day so you can feel comfortable and relaxed was such an insurmountable task for so many men on this board.

It’s not that it’s hard to turn on a tap, it’s that you require your husband to jump through all these hoops in order to maybe have sex with him. Other people just go ahead and f—k, because they’re into it and attracted to one another. That’s probably the part you’re getting confused by.

We expect so little of men and so much of women.

DP. Yes expecting women to be in to sex and attraction to their spouse is way too much! This is why there is so much dead bed.

Anonymous wrote:We have a good sex life but I can’t imagine wanting sex on Christmas. Christmas is effing exhausting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Turning on a bathroom tap is...free. Add in dumping in some bath salts and it adds up to about 30 seconds of effort. I had no idea asking your husband to take 30 seconds out of his day so you can feel comfortable and relaxed was such an insurmountable task for so many men on this board.

It’s not that it’s hard to turn on a tap, it’s that you require your husband to jump through all these hoops in order to maybe have sex with him. Other people just go ahead and f—k, because they’re into it and attracted to one another. That’s probably the part you’re getting confused by.

We expect so little of men and so much of women.

Anonymous wrote:Anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas. Does this happen in your relationship or you don’t worry about it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Turning on a bathroom tap is...free. Add in dumping in some bath salts and it adds up to about 30 seconds of effort. I had no idea asking your husband to take 30 seconds out of his day so you can feel comfortable and relaxed was such an insurmountable task for so many men on this board.

It’s not that it’s hard to turn on a tap, it’s that you require your husband to jump through all these hoops in order to maybe have sex with him. Other people just go ahead and f—k, because they’re into it and attracted to one another. That’s probably the part you’re getting confused by.

We expect so little of men and so much of women.