Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok, since the answers seem to mostly align, I will add a bit more color. My partner expects that our two under two will travel with her on every work trip because she will otherwise miss them, which means that I would likely have to accompany on most of those trips.

She has not had any work trips so far, but I have been trying to get ahead of the issue and manage expectations, as some might be forthcoming after the holidays. In discussions right now, she is saying that we just have different preferences regarding the reasonableness of work travel with kids and there is no reason why my standard or preference should matter more than hers. No perspective is more valid than the other; they're just different.

Any suggestions on how to approach this? I have no problem at all watching the kids while she is away on work trips, but this solution does not seem to satisfy her so far.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is super unrealistic, and I've never heard of someone taking their kids along for a work trip outside of a brand newborn for a super high powered CEO type (ie, one of the very few people who would need to attend to work travel just a few weeks postpartum) and situations where the work travel is somewhere fun, like New Orleans, and spouse and kids came along and made a vacation out of it (but this is usually older kids).

I agree with previous posters that work travel doesn't sound like a good option for her right now.

Tough as the spouse in this situation, though. She wants what she wants. Has she done a work trip since the kids have been born? I would think if she's a frequent work traveler, that would have happened at least with the oldest (since presumably they're almost two). If so, how did you guys handle it and how did it go? Or is work travel new for her? How frequently is it expected?

You say your job is flexible - do you have regular childcare (daycare or nanny during standard business hours)? If so, that's a good reason to say no, as she's essentially asking you to take vacation days and this may not be a good use of your time off.

Assuming this is new, here's how I would handle as a spouse: Tell her you'll make her a deal. The first trip, she goes solo, the second trip, you will take the kids and go with her. So, you each get a turn to try out your preferred method, and see how it goes.

Then you promise, after trip #2 once you've got some data on how this actually goes, to sit down the two of you and figure out what makes the most sense for your family. How did the two trips go? What was everyone's stress level? How did it impact both of your jobs? How did the kids handle it? What were the benefits and drawbacks? Then you can decide, together, whether the kids should stay home, the kids should go, you should keep a balance (and is that 50/50 or something different) or she changes her job situation for less travel.

The other advantage of this suggestion is that this might just be new mom/new business traveler jitters/guilt, and once she does the first trip, she realizes that it's doable, and that having the kids there would actually have sucked, and she decides she doesn't even want you to bring them on trip #2.

Thank you for this; very thoughtful. I will give it some thought.

Don't follow this advice. This PP and you are trying to be kind. But your wife is clearly highly anxious and maybe a bit depressed because her proposal makes no sense. Nip it in the bud with a firm and absolute no.

I'm the long poster above. While I agree that the proposal makes no sense (and I'm a woman with small kids), that's what the OP's wife wants. In my marriage, when my husband and I have differing opinions about how to handle something related to the kids, "a firm and absolute no" is not how it works. We respect each others' opinions as being equally as valid to our own, and we try to compromise and work through it.

Taking the whole family on regular work trips because otherwise mom would miss them is a bad idea. But treating your marriage and your partner with disrespect is a way worse idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is super unrealistic, and I've never heard of someone taking their kids along for a work trip outside of a brand newborn for a super high powered CEO type (ie, one of the very few people who would need to attend to work travel just a few weeks postpartum) and situations where the work travel is somewhere fun, like New Orleans, and spouse and kids came along and made a vacation out of it (but this is usually older kids).

I agree with previous posters that work travel doesn't sound like a good option for her right now.

Tough as the spouse in this situation, though. She wants what she wants. Has she done a work trip since the kids have been born? I would think if she's a frequent work traveler, that would have happened at least with the oldest (since presumably they're almost two). If so, how did you guys handle it and how did it go? Or is work travel new for her? How frequently is it expected?

You say your job is flexible - do you have regular childcare (daycare or nanny during standard business hours)? If so, that's a good reason to say no, as she's essentially asking you to take vacation days and this may not be a good use of your time off.

Assuming this is new, here's how I would handle as a spouse: Tell her you'll make her a deal. The first trip, she goes solo, the second trip, you will take the kids and go with her. So, you each get a turn to try out your preferred method, and see how it goes.

Then you promise, after trip #2 once you've got some data on how this actually goes, to sit down the two of you and figure out what makes the most sense for your family. How did the two trips go? What was everyone's stress level? How did it impact both of your jobs? How did the kids handle it? What were the benefits and drawbacks? Then you can decide, together, whether the kids should stay home, the kids should go, you should keep a balance (and is that 50/50 or something different) or she changes her job situation for less travel.

The other advantage of this suggestion is that this might just be new mom/new business traveler jitters/guilt, and once she does the first trip, she realizes that it's doable, and that having the kids there would actually have sucked, and she decides she doesn't even want you to bring them on trip #2.

Thank you for this; very thoughtful. I will give it some thought.

Don't follow this advice. This PP and you are trying to be kind. But your wife is clearly highly anxious and maybe a bit depressed because her proposal makes no sense. Nip it in the bud with a firm and absolute no.

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the job, how easy the kid is. Do it if you can add some family time on the end. And you have to be able to afford it of course. It’s not a bad thing for kids to travel. Why all the negativity here?

Anonymous wrote:I realize there is no uniform answer here and it can involve a host of variables, but I am trying to get a general gauge.

What was your expectation for how frequently your children under the age of two would travel with you on work trips? Every trip? An occasional/opportunistic trip? Never?

As kids got older than this, did trips away from them get easier? More difficult? Did your expectations regarding the questions above change?

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends what the career is. I’m a professor and have brought dh and ds (now almost 2) on several conference and archival research trips. We make a mini trip out of that, but it only works bc dh can work anywhere.