Anonymous wrote:I'd never force my 5 year old to move because mommy doesn't want to work anymore.

For your information, she was born in that house and we drive by it sometimes. It is .9 miles from our existing house. Nothing in her life would change in any significant way except a more present mom.

I did this when my kids were 4 and 7.

We didn't downsize. Actually, we upsized, but we moved from a very hcol to a not as high col. I was able to quit my job and be a sahp, but it was still kind of tight.

I was fortunate that my former manager and I kept in touch, and they asked me back as a PT contractor. I did this when my youngest was 6, and I was able to also wfh.

I had a really good reputation and relationship with my former managers, so this helped me to jump back in FT when my youngest turned 8. By this time, my spouse was also WFH. Both of us had very flexible WFH jobs. I would not have gone back FT without this flexibility.

I won't lie. The move killed my career, and my now 20 year old who is just starting their career trajectory asked me why I made the move and killed my career. There were other things at play besides wanting to spend more time at home with my kids. I was very honest with my DC about work life balance, and how money isn't everything.

Having stated that, I don't regret it, but if I hadn't been able to eventually go back to work FT and have this flexibility, I think I would've regretted quitting my job and moving.

Life has become so expensive. We are very fortunate to have been able to save a lot such that I can retire next year. I am so done with working. I am literally counting down the days. If had not returned to work eventually, I think my spouse or I would've had to continue working until 65.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never force my 5 year old to move because mommy doesn't want to work anymore.

Troll.

Not a troll, that's exactly what OP wants to do.

Sure, be snide and unhelpful, then deny it. The OP is looking for advice. You're bored and looking to be an anonymous jerk on a message board.

So telling the truth is unhelpful? You just want to hear what you want to hear I guess.

Oh come on. You weren't adding anything to the conversation except judgment. Just stop.

OP is asking what we think. You need to have thicker skin for DCUM. Maybe find another site.

Nah. DCUM is great when people provide actual feedback, thoughts, anecdotes, explanations, even harsh ones. Restating the title in a judgmental tone is not that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never force my 5 year old to move because mommy doesn't want to work anymore.

Troll.

Not a troll, that's exactly what OP wants to do.

Sure, be snide and unhelpful, then deny it. The OP is looking for advice. You're bored and looking to be an anonymous jerk on a message board.

So telling the truth is unhelpful? You just want to hear what you want to hear I guess.

Oh come on. You weren't adding anything to the conversation except judgment. Just stop.

OP is asking what we think. You need to have thicker skin for DCUM. Maybe find another site.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never force my 5 year old to move because mommy doesn't want to work anymore.

Troll.

Not a troll, that's exactly what OP wants to do.

Sure, be snide and unhelpful, then deny it. The OP is looking for advice. You're bored and looking to be an anonymous jerk on a message board.

So telling the truth is unhelpful? You just want to hear what you want to hear I guess.

That IS what OP is trying to do. She can’t afford her house on one salary so they’d have to move if she wants to stop working. That’s the summary of the thread title.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never force my 5 year old to move because mommy doesn't want to work anymore.

Troll.

Not a troll, that's exactly what OP wants to do.

Sure, be snide and unhelpful, then deny it. The OP is looking for advice. You're bored and looking to be an anonymous jerk on a message board.

So telling the truth is unhelpful? You just want to hear what you want to hear I guess.

Oh come on. You weren't adding anything to the conversation except judgment. Just stop.

I would be a SAHM if my spouse made high six figures or more. Not if he was on a professor’s salary, tenured or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never force my 5 year old to move because mommy doesn't want to work anymore.

Troll.

Not a troll, that's exactly what OP wants to do.

Sure, be snide and unhelpful, then deny it. The OP is looking for advice. You're bored and looking to be an anonymous jerk on a message board.

So telling the truth is unhelpful? You just want to hear what you want to hear I guess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM and enjoy every minute of it. However, I would not have stayed home if we could not easily afford to do so. Spouse had to be 100% supportive and want you to stay home with kids.

You should also know that if you stay home, you have more time to spend money. That toddler will want to do music class or tot soccer. Moms will want to go out for coffee and lunch.

I thought I would go back to work when my youngest started elementary. When kids get older, that 1x per week soccer turns into 5-6 days of soccer.

You quit your job so you could drive your kid to soccer?

No, I quit my job to raise my kids. My husband earns a seven figure income so we can easily afford for me to stay home.

You must have younger kids. Whether it is soccer or gymnastics or tennis or basketball, the kids start playing more frequently the better they are.

Did you have to sell your house and move? That’s what OPs plan is. If my husband made 7 figures I would quit my job too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No regrets for us. A few things to take into consideration.

- I have a very good marriage. DH is loyal, hard working, will never cheat, will never divorce. We also come from intact marriages. Family (including extended) is very close knit. Kids are everything for us.

- DH made sure that we were heavily insured so if anything happened to him we would have been multi-millionairs and I would never ever have to go back to working, while maintaining a very good lifestyle.

- I am very well educated and qualified and I would have been able to get some white-collar job in a pinch.

- My family and social circle appreciated a SAHM and I did not have to face any kind of negative comments

- I was able to afford cleaning lady, landscaper, kids EC activities, tutors, travelling for competitions and tournaments etc easily and did not feel the pinch of vanished paycheck.

- I don't get FOMO. DH is a devoted dad and likes to spend his time with me and kids.

- I have some money of my own and DH and I will both inherit a modest amount from our parents.

- We do not have pre-nup etc. We both have our names on all assets.

Honestly I see this type of comment “I would be able to get some sort of white collar job if I needed/wanted” here constantly and it just is not true right now. I know recently employed people with reasonably relevant skills who are struggling to find work. Perhaps that will change again eventually if the job market improves but right now it’s a big gamble. If you were a nurse/teacher/PT that would be different.

I would never tell someone not to SAH, I think I would have really enjoyed it but it’s a gamble unless you have a big nest egg. You absolutely cannot be sure your spouse will never leave you, coming from intact families is not at all a guarantee.

Even teachers, nurses, etc...you have to redo certifications and start again at the bottom with crap shifts, no seniority, teach whatever grade level/class they give you. Women who have been out of the work force for 10+ years usually don't want to do this. There is no recovering from not working for that big of a chunk of your productive working life. Fine if that's the choice. But go in knowing it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No regrets for us. A few things to take into consideration.

- I have a very good marriage. DH is loyal, hard working, will never cheat, will never divorce. We also come from intact marriages. Family (including extended) is very close knit. Kids are everything for us.

- DH made sure that we were heavily insured so if anything happened to him we would have been multi-millionairs and I would never ever have to go back to working, while maintaining a very good lifestyle.

- I am very well educated and qualified and I would have been able to get some white-collar job in a pinch.

- My family and social circle appreciated a SAHM and I did not have to face any kind of negative comments

- I was able to afford cleaning lady, landscaper, kids EC activities, tutors, travelling for competitions and tournaments etc easily and did not feel the pinch of vanished paycheck.

- I don't get FOMO. DH is a devoted dad and likes to spend his time with me and kids.

- I have some money of my own and DH and I will both inherit a modest amount from our parents.

- We do not have pre-nup etc. We both have our names on all assets.

Honestly I see this type of comment “I would be able to get some sort of white collar job if I needed/wanted” here constantly and it just is not true right now. I know recently employed people with reasonably relevant skills who are struggling to find work. Perhaps that will change again eventually if the job market improves but right now it’s a big gamble. If you were a nurse/teacher/PT that would be different.

I would never tell someone not to SAH, I think I would have really enjoyed it but it’s a gamble unless you have a big nest egg. You absolutely cannot be sure your spouse will never leave you, coming from intact families is not at all a guarantee.

Can confirm the job market is horrific at the moment even for employed folks trying to switch jobs. And then add in the dilemma of being a (probably) late 40's, early 50's woman with a resume gap who would seem simultaneously overqualified and underqualified, befuddling the 30 year old person tasked with interviewing her. Not saying people shouldn't SAHM but don't underestimate how hard it can be to get a job you'd be willing to take.

Anonymous wrote:No regrets for us. A few things to take into consideration.

- I have a very good marriage. DH is loyal, hard working, will never cheat, will never divorce. We also come from intact marriages. Family (including extended) is very close knit. Kids are everything for us.

- DH made sure that we were heavily insured so if anything happened to him we would have been multi-millionairs and I would never ever have to go back to working, while maintaining a very good lifestyle.

- I am very well educated and qualified and I would have been able to get some white-collar job in a pinch.

- My family and social circle appreciated a SAHM and I did not have to face any kind of negative comments

- I was able to afford cleaning lady, landscaper, kids EC activities, tutors, travelling for competitions and tournaments etc easily and did not feel the pinch of vanished paycheck.

- I don't get FOMO. DH is a devoted dad and likes to spend his time with me and kids.

- I have some money of my own and DH and I will both inherit a modest amount from our parents.

- We do not have pre-nup etc. We both have our names on all assets.

Honestly I see this type of comment “I would be able to get some sort of white collar job if I needed/wanted” here constantly and it just is not true right now. I know recently employed people with reasonably relevant skills who are struggling to find work. Perhaps that will change again eventually if the job market improves but right now it’s a big gamble. If you were a nurse/teacher/PT that would be different.

I would never tell someone not to SAH, I think I would have really enjoyed it but it’s a gamble unless you have a big nest egg. You absolutely cannot be sure your spouse will never leave you, coming from intact families is not at all a guarantee.

Anonymous wrote:Regrets will kick in IF you try to go back to work at some point. Unless you are willing to restart your career or willing to take on much lower wages

This is true. I had a good job when my oldest was born and wanted to stay home but was really torn about loss of income and what would happen down the road. Ultimately, I quit and never looked back. I enjoyed being with my kids and family life was calm and unhurried. DH was supportive of my choice. We made financial sacrifices (small house, no fancy cars, no fancy trips, no big ticket events, no designer clothes), yet we still were able to have our kids attend excellent public schools, pay for extra curriculars/sports, save for in-state college costs, so we did ok. If we hadn’t been able to do those things, I would have felt pressure to go back sooner. I never regretted that time with them but when I finally decided to go back to work, it was demoralizing. Nobody would hire me except for low paying entry level jobs. I took one thinking I’d pay my dues and move up but it soon became apparent that it was just a dead end and not worth the stress. My message for my own DD will be to stay home if she wants to, but keep her foot in the door by maintaining work connections and taking consulting work here and there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd never force my 5 year old to move because mommy doesn't want to work anymore.

Troll.

Not a troll, that's exactly what OP wants to do.

Sure, be snide and unhelpful, then deny it. The OP is looking for advice. You're bored and looking to be an anonymous jerk on a message board.

[quote=Anonymous]I am hoping for some perspectives from others to help me make the best long term decision.

I have a 5 year old daughter and a 17 month old son. My daughter is in pre-k, and while she doesn't even have homework yet, her activities are already coming with homework! I get about 9000 emails per day from school and activities. I know this is only going to increase, and I WANT to be a supportive parent to my kids. My mom was working and always too tired to be there for me, I always felt like a burden to her.

Between trying to manage home, parenting related things, and my work (which is another source of never ending balls in the air and things I have to take care of RIGHT NOW) I am starting to be very burnt out.

I have no passion for my job, although I hoped to milk it for 5-7 more years for financial reasons.

If we downsize, we can afford for me to SAH now and still have a reasonable financial cushion. We also have funded 529s thanks to an incredible gift from my parents.

I am looking to hear from parents of older kids about where they think their time is most valuably spent as kids get older. I don't want to make a knee-jerk reaction just because i feel burnt out and possibly am not yet good at managing the demands of school/activities. Does it get easier? Just looking for honest accounts. Thank you so much in advance.[/quote]

Ultimately it comes down to what you will regret more - not being with your kids or not having career/large home. I have always been SAHM and now I have to go back to school because my degree is worthless. We will likely never move out of our townhouse since the prices for single family homes are sky high. If I worked 10 years ago, we would have one of those big homes as well… but ultimately, I know I would regret more not being with my kids, so there it is. I wish we still had the 80s where one income was more than enough to have it all.