Anonymous wrote:Conniving to get family assets is a tale as old as time, OP. Adjust your interactions accordingly going forward.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t think that “donating” means the money is going to a worthy cause. My grandpas vast estate (that he inherited from his own parents) went to a televangelist Joel Osteen. I would have preferred anyone to get that money, particularly one of my cousins or a relative.

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Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

The case of the divorcing and sickly aunt changing her will to one heir not all is definitely investigatable. As is anyone in the hospital changing things from the usual equal splits to 100% XYZ.

According to the divorced uncle. He is the source of that information. Why would OP even be talking to him about any of this?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Act like the daughter she never had. The beloved niece.

How do you suddenly "act like the beloved niece"? Even I would like examples of that since I too see them at family functions or catch up when on their coast!

You do what OP's SIL did. Duh. Do you need glasses or something?

No one knows what she did or said, hence the post.

We can only assume the SIL pitched herself and the brother's family as the needy one, as the one who cares, as the one with time, as the one aligned with the aunt for whatever reason. There are ways to do this just by pitching yourself positively and there are ways to also do this by painting others in a negative light. Or both.
Who knows what happened here but I would definitely see my brother, his wife and the married aunts differently after learning about this. So always good to see one's true colors, thank them for that.

+1
I don’t like secret deals and secrets. I would hope my adult children and my elderly siblings discuss this sort of thing together, not behind the scenes with one person only.
But we have a pretty functional and communicative family, so if this happened I would be disappointed in several people, mostly my son for having his wife cut off his sibling this way.

Anonymous wrote:So, she spent time with them and they rewarded that? What's the issue?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Act like the daughter she never had. The beloved niece.

How do you suddenly "act like the beloved niece"? Even I would like examples of that since I too see them at family functions or catch up when on their coast!

You do what OP's SIL did. Duh. Do you need glasses or something?

No one knows what she did or said, hence the post.

We can only assume the SIL pitched herself and the brother's family as the needy one, as the one who cares, as the one with time, as the one aligned with the aunt for whatever reason. There are ways to do this just by pitching yourself positively and there are ways to also do this by painting others in a negative light. Or both.
Who knows what happened here but I would definitely see my brother, his wife and the married aunts differently after learning about this. So always good to see one's true colors, thank them for that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

Op here. No one lives near them. We have a couple kids, bro/SIL have more.

I saw the hometown couple each year 1-5x a year for 25 years and holidays.

As a married adult with kids I saw one set 1-2x a year when in hometown and the other 1-2x a year when in their town during work trips.

My brother never saw the out of town one. He works full time in a senior position with lots of travel.

But his wife did some schmoozing behind the scenes the last 5+ years with each aunt. Most of it not in person, we all live 1000-4000 miles from one another.

None of this matters. No one should plan around an inheritance from a childless aunt or take issue about something like this.

Move on with your own life.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Act like the daughter she never had. The beloved niece.

How do you suddenly "act like the beloved niece"? Even I would like examples of that since I too see them at family functions or catch up when on their coast!

You do what OP's SIL did. Duh. Do you need glasses or something?

No one knows what she did or said, hence the post.

We can only assume the SIL pitched herself and the brother's family as the needy one, as the one who cares, as the one with time, as the one aligned with the aunt for whatever reason. There are ways to do this just by pitching yourself positively and there are ways to also do this by painting others in a negative light. Or both.
Who knows what happened here but I would definitely see my brother, his wife and the married aunts differently after learning about this. So always good to see one's true colors, thank them for that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

Op here. No one lives near them. We have a couple kids, bro/SIL have more.

I saw the hometown couple each year 1-5x a year for 25 years and holidays.

As a married adult with kids I saw one set 1-2x a year when in hometown and the other 1-2x a year when in their town during work trips.

My brother never saw the out of town one. He works full time in a senior position with lots of travel.

But his wife did some schmoozing behind the scenes the last 5+ years with each aunt. Most of it not in person, we all live 1000-4000 miles from one another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I are each married with kids, to our respective spouses, and live in various states away from our hometown. My spouse and I work, my brother’s wife does not.

I just found out that several years ago my brother’s wife secretly positioned herself as each of my 2 married childless aunt’s estate administrators. In one case she and my brother are now set to inherit 100% of everything. In the other case, she will get a hefty 6 figure “admin fee” and the rest will be donated.

The first set was having health issues and divorced; she swept in with emails, letters and feigned concerned and got an ill aunt to change things. The second set she pitched something and who knows what the will says now.

I guess my brother went along with it and never told anyone, even our parents or me.

The divorced uncle informed me recently as they moved. The other aunt told a family member who told me. Ironically I work in investing and with deal lawyers, estate attorneys and tax attorneys all the time.

I’m really disgusted by this all. The lack of communication, transparency and omissions.

What does the working status have to do with any of this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, ah, how often do you visit these childless aunts, OP? I'm thinking pretty much never?

+1

+2

The money belongs to your aunts to do with as they wish - whether that’s to spend every red cent, give it away to charity, light it on fire to roast marshmallows (although destroying currency might be illegal?), or even leave to your SIL. Even if you were their (only) child, they would not be obligated to leave it to you. As you are not their child, you should have no expectations of inheritance. Anything they leave you is a bonus.

It would be a different matter if they weren’t independent and mentally competent. If they were dependent on her for care and she was isolating them from the rest of the family, I’d share your outrage, but you give no evidence of mistreatment. To the contrary, your post seems to imply that since your primary concern is their money, that any concern from your SIL must be feigned. With that attitude, it is unsurprising that your aunts chose to leave their money elsewhere. On the other hand, if you actually care about them as individuals, just be happy that they felt close enough to your SIL to want to leave her money.

In the meantime, their finances are none of your business. The divorced uncle and other family member were out of line to tell you anything about their will. If they had felt it was any of your business, they would have told you themselves. Ironically, I would think that someone who works with attorneys all the time would appreciate the importance of confidentiality.

That’s false, you’re projecting. The primary issue seems to be loss of trust in what happened, how it happened and in her brother & SIL.

Everyone was far away and seeing each other over the adult years.

The loss of trust is driven by: “‘ The lack of communication, transparency and omissions. ‘“

These are adults making adult decisions. Op should have done more to stay in the loop. Unless she is alleging elder abuse what is the issue?

Like what?

Act like the daughter she never had. The beloved niece.

How do you suddenly "act like the beloved niece"? Even I would like examples of that since I too see them at family functions or catch up when on their coast!

You do what OP's SIL did. Duh. Do you need glasses or something?