Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both should look for jobs to see if you can find jobs that let you live in the same place even if it's Kalamazoo. You aren't making enough to support a comfortable commuter lifestyle, with everyone getting together at either place for holidays and breaks, and it will stress the marriage and your kid who will figure out it's all "for her." If she's not a sociopath that will upset her.

That isn’t happening in any reasonable timelines.

We ended up in DC because of the specialized nature of our jobs (not necessarily high paying but niche). We won’t find a similar combo anywhere else, so the trailing spouse will have to quit and start over in a new field likely making radically less money.

This is not an exercise in wanderlust — we both go to work everyday wondering if we will get the RIF memo. It’s not like we work for ICE or some other favored agency. Quite the contrary.

Why radically less money? Arguably the trailing spouse couldn’t have been making more than $150k, right?

I am not buying that this job is so incredibly unique that there is absolutely nothing else she can do and earn $100k. Her job has to have some equivalent industry or expertise valued somewhere.

I am in a MCOL area and people have all sorts of jobs. My part of town is rather affluent and people have a wide variety of jobs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both should look for jobs to see if you can find jobs that let you live in the same place even if it's Kalamazoo. You aren't making enough to support a comfortable commuter lifestyle, with everyone getting together at either place for holidays and breaks, and it will stress the marriage and your kid who will figure out it's all "for her." If she's not a sociopath that will upset her.

That isn’t happening in any reasonable timelines.

We ended up in DC because of the specialized nature of our jobs (not necessarily high paying but niche). We won’t find a similar combo anywhere else, so the trailing spouse will have to quit and start over in a new field likely making radically less money.

This is not an exercise in wanderlust — we both go to work everyday wondering if we will get the RIF memo. It’s not like we work for ICE or some other favored agency. Quite the contrary.

You might be surprised. People in certain cities like DC often seem to be under the impression there aren’t decent jobs in other locations. There are. It’s true that there are more in a place like DC, but there are still jobs.

Even if your DW is in a niche field, there are certain aspects of her job that can transfer to something else. She’s going to need to get creative, network and do some research.

At this point it seems like a lot of Fed employees just won’t let go. It’s not like DW’s job was likely that high paying to begin with. You simply have to accept what has happened and work with what you’ve got.

I’d pursue a better opportunity for one spouse in a new city and other spouse needs to try their very best to find a decent earning job there.

Did you ever say how much either of you makes?

Anonymous wrote:You both should look for jobs to see if you can find jobs that let you live in the same place even if it's Kalamazoo. You aren't making enough to support a comfortable commuter lifestyle, with everyone getting together at either place for holidays and breaks, and it will stress the marriage and your kid who will figure out it's all "for her." If she's not a sociopath that will upset her.

That isn’t happening in any reasonable timelines.

We ended up in DC because of the specialized nature of our jobs (not necessarily high paying but niche). We won’t find a similar combo anywhere else, so the trailing spouse will have to quit and start over in a new field likely making radically less money.

This is not an exercise in wanderlust — we both go to work everyday wondering if we will get the RIF memo. It’s not like we work for ICE or some other favored agency. Quite the contrary.

You both should look for jobs to see if you can find jobs that let you live in the same place even if it's Kalamazoo. You aren't making enough to support a comfortable commuter lifestyle, with everyone getting together at either place for holidays and breaks, and it will stress the marriage and your kid who will figure out it's all "for her." If she's not a sociopath that will upset her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re considering leaving unstable job 1 in high COL city to take unstable job 2 - for the LESS pay - in another, high COL city where you’d be away from your wife and kid for 4 years? How is this even a question?

I mean current job has admin intent on eliminating.

The new job is “unstable” only that it’s in a tech company, which are inherently less stable than gov work. The company has been around 20 years and many people I’ve interviewed with have been working there for nearly a decade. I won’t feel stable in any private industry job in current “make it all AI” era…

But the job has significant growth potential — unlike Fed jobs which have been capped.

I don’t love it, but DW wants to quit her job and my job is likely ending — so you say I stay put until RIF, let her be breadwinner in job she hates, and then hope I can find some kind of work locally even for much less pay?

But you're focused on not moving your daughter. You didn't present the situation of you taking the job, your wife quitting and moving the whole family. If you can all move, then it's a calculated risk. If you're going to work across the country while your wife quits her local job to stay home with your high schooler (...?), that makes less sense. If she hates her job so much but you can't move, you should both be looking for new stuff locally.

They’re hedging here. Maybe if the wife loses her job they will leave. His new job just isn’t secure enough (btw I’m in tech and it sounds plenty secure to me…I’m assuming it’s public? Look for WARN notices to see if there have been layoffs and look at the risks and financials in their 10-K and listen to their most recent quarterly investor call to get a better sense of their business model) and doesn’t pay well enough to justify the disruption. I do think that both parties should be applying to jobs in the same place, so maybe OP keeps applying to DC jobs and their spouse applies to DC and SF jobs. If the kids were grown then it would be different, but they’re not and what you are planning with two households sounds very challenging.

Sadly no, it's still private, so there is some murkiness of the financials in that regard. One of those larger unicorns that stayed private for probably far too long. No plan for an IPO at this time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re considering leaving unstable job 1 in high COL city to take unstable job 2 - for the LESS pay - in another, high COL city where you’d be away from your wife and kid for 4 years? How is this even a question?

I mean current job has admin intent on eliminating.

The new job is “unstable” only that it’s in a tech company, which are inherently less stable than gov work. The company has been around 20 years and many people I’ve interviewed with have been working there for nearly a decade. I won’t feel stable in any private industry job in current “make it all AI” era…

But the job has significant growth potential — unlike Fed jobs which have been capped.

I don’t love it, but DW wants to quit her job and my job is likely ending — so you say I stay put until RIF, let her be breadwinner in job she hates, and then hope I can find some kind of work locally even for much less pay?

But you're focused on not moving your daughter. You didn't present the situation of you taking the job, your wife quitting and moving the whole family. If you can all move, then it's a calculated risk. If you're going to work across the country while your wife quits her local job to stay home with your high schooler (...?), that makes less sense. If she hates her job so much but you can't move, you should both be looking for new stuff locally.

They’re hedging here. Maybe if the wife loses her job they will leave. His new job just isn’t secure enough (btw I’m in tech and it sounds plenty secure to me…I’m assuming it’s public? Look for WARN notices to see if there have been layoffs and look at the risks and financials in their 10-K and listen to their most recent quarterly investor call to get a better sense of their business model) and doesn’t pay well enough to justify the disruption. I do think that both parties should be applying to jobs in the same place, so maybe OP keeps applying to DC jobs and their spouse applies to DC and SF jobs. If the kids were grown then it would be different, but they’re not and what you are planning with two households sounds very challenging.

Anonymous wrote:Nope. If I were your wife, my choice would be we all move or we all stay put here.

So the best option is I get a new lateral private job and we all move? She quits her job right away and we gamble on single breadwinner model? She won’t find anything out there in her work — it’s very DC based, so it has to work out.

Nope. If I were your wife, my choice would be we all move or we all stay put here.

That's a tough one. I know a few people who have had one parent commute a far distance during their last kid's high school years. You would have to find a cheap hotel or something to stay at during the week. I think it can be done.

ChsrGPT says you should stay.

If you are going to lose your job, you are not going to find one here in the DC region look at Arlington


https://www.arlnow.com/2025/10/02/arlington-unemployment-up-38-over-2024-as-regional-leaders-brace-for-more/

It’s a blood bath

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So any different response now that shutdown is prompting a "massive RIF" is coming promise??

No. because I think they would RIF with or without the shut down.

I mean how hard should I try to leave federal service? It seems like I’ll have to move…

Anonymous wrote:So any different response now that shutdown is prompting a "massive RIF" is coming promise??

No. because I think they would RIF with or without the shut down.

So any different response now that shutdown is prompting a "massive RIF" is coming promise??