I don't think this is how most relationships with children go in the western countries. We are paying for our children education. We are not doing it so that they will take care of us when we are old. We are doing it because we can afford it. We do not expect anything in return. My parents did not pay for my college education. Luckily, I got a full ride scholarship. And I have been supporting my parents for the last decade or so.

To the OP, your question has odd phrasing.

I want to preface this by saying I graduated from college 34 years ago, things are very different today. Four years at VT as an out of state student cost my parents $40k.

They paid for my college, but the expectation from them was I would go to college. I would graduate in 4 years. I would get a degree which would translate to a job on graduation. They held up their end of the bargain (paying for school) and I held up my end of the bargain. My parents, who are still alive, would tell you that $40k was money well spent. And yes, I still see my parents regularly. I help them when they need help. They don’t need financial help, luckily. The fact I see them has nothing to do with them paying for college.

Being a parent is not transactional. It’s about doing the best you can with the resources you have. Unfortunately I was not able to financially pay for all of my child’s college education, but we helped them as much as possible and they graduated with approximately $30k in debt and we paid about 80k plus living expenses.

Anonymous wrote:… did you take care of them (could be by repaying them) or did you take the money and run? If the latter, did you feel entitled to the money they spent on your post HS education and/or house?

No. They have plenty (very wealthy) of money.

Yeah I have zero prob in helping my kids with anything I can financially if I'm able, I mean they are your children. What does their ability to pay have anything to do with my love for them to want to? Esp college. I mean I raise them to be as self sufficient as possible but money is a luxury. If I can help them because I have it, it doesn't make them any less or worse people it it shouldn't. So many people have this weird idea that if you push somebody to work at an early age somehow they will be big workers and see successs. WTAF? Either you want to be successful or you don't - when you started working is completely irrelevant! It is so much personality. Success comes if you have a good attitude and money does not change this - your own nature controls. So maybe my kids love me back as much as I love them - love also is not something you can control. You can only do what you feel you want to do.

So I guess OP - everyone has a different situation. I'm also Asian and for generations, esp education but in all ways, we help the next generation as much as possible because we are able.

Anonymous wrote:This is not about repaying parents financially. I’m interested in whether people felt entitled to the money like you expected it. If your parents did not pay, would you have made the same like choices? Would your relationship with your parents be different?

-OP

Do you have a jealousy problem with people who are lucky enough to be born into wealth or have amazing parents? I mean you have no idea what trade offs there may have been. In my case I grew up loaded but my parents spent all their time working and arguing with each other, I'm the poster child for dysfunctional family but yes I grew up loaded. Does that make you happier to know I never needed to either pay back or take care of either of them? But the price I paid was not to have any family.

Some are born to wealth and are lucky in that way and not in others while some are lucky in that they had everything. Why do you care if you were or were not?

My parents didn't pay for my college or downpayment or a car or anything once I turned 18. My mom travels extensively and has said that she plans to spend every penny. I tell her not to because I cannot afford to pay for her care should she need it. This is not true, but she felt no need to to help me out and I will return the favor.

i like my men to be incompetent

They paid for my college. I’m planning to care for them in their old age and also pay for college for my own kids.