Anonymous
Post 02/08/2026 08:23     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
She never admitted it and lied for a long time. She got caught on camera and kept lying even after I told her.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 18:53     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.



“No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD”

Hi ! I’m the PP who wanted to disagree.
Don’t need prospective as I’ve often heard similar.
But dayum why not just tell your wife ?



Because his beautiful sexy refined wife will dump his sorry butt


Yes, exactly - he "cheats" because he thinks if she knew she would end the marriage. Like most cheaters, the bolded PP lives in a delusion world built to maintain his self-esteem through an image cultivated before and with the cooperation of others. The APs allow him to believe he is this sexy stud. The marriage allows him to portray to the world that he is a "good guy" because he has a "sexy, beautiful" wife who is "refined" and is the mother of his children. These are signifiers that many men use to signal to others that they have high masculine value.

TBH, this kind of deceitful manipulation is a form of emotional abuse.

I've been through it -- discovering that my exDH had cheated with many other women, despite the fact that we had sex a lot and I never said no to him about anything sexual. But, having sex with me wasn't enough to maintain the narcissistic self-image he wanted. With other women, he could portray himself however he pleased without any questions.

I will say that my exDH was completely shocked when I told him I knew about his infidelities and that are marriage was over and that he needed to move out. He tried to reconcile for about 2 years (so the sex must not have been that bad), all the while telling me more narcissistic lies to maintain his self-image and try to manipulate me into reconciliation. Obviously, I would and did never reconcile. When our kids were old enough, I grey rocked him -- he gets no attention from me other than polite emails documenting some aspect of child custody, and a polite "hello" when he picks the kids up for visitation. Thankfully, grey rocking stopped his attempts at coercive control, and he moved along to marry someone else (whom since divorced him).

Not all women who are cheated on are sexual duds in bed, as bolded PP would like everyone to believe, because it serves to justify his cheating.


Did he ever demand "'proof"? My STBX was adamant that I dont have any proof-I did have it but refused to show him-he was still going to make something up and deny. He is an extremely intelligent person who also converted into a high-functioning alcoholic which I never supported but the AP does whole-heartedly and i am assuming this is how she took him to her bed. Well, he is clearly on the way out of the door.


I confronted him with proof, and he responded by gaslighting me that it was just a "kiss". I had trusted him completely before, but after that, I began tracking him much more carefully and found out about more cheating. I never confronted him with additional proof because it became apparent to me in therapy that he was not willing to come clean to me and had instead chosen a strategy of gaslighting me in the extreme.

A women does not need "proof" to divorce a man. A woman can divorce for any reason at all. My exDH couldn't believe that I ended our marriage. I guess he thought I didn't have proof and wouldn't divorce him unless I did.

Saying that you don't have proof is just a form of DARVO - deny, attack, reverse victim and offender.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 14:33     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:

"
My xH cheated multiple times despite me wanting sex with him regularly. In fact, I could barely get him to have sex with me - he'd do it once or twice a month to shut me up. He preferred sitting downstairs sexting other women on his phone.

And no, I didn't get fat, didn't let myself go, none of that. The women he cheated with were all fatter, uglier, and older than me (caught him pursuing women as old as 70 when he was early 40s!). I could have been a Victoria's Secret model and slid down a stripper pole, and he wouldn't have been interested.


That's on you x-wife, thinking all you have to do is look good.

I cheat on my wife. She enjoys sex also and is willing to partake with me. Of course she enjoys it, I do all the initiating, I give her oral until she O's and always an expression on my face and words that tell her how much I love doing it even though practically every time I get a pubic hair stuck in my throat, 100% of the time in her 'approved' positions, only during the mornings when she wants it, only on the days that she wants it, only in the location she wants it, only the sex acts she wants.

I on the other hand can't do my fav positions because it's 'uncomfortable' or 'hurts'. Whereas I think the truth is she finds them too dominant. She can't give me blowjobs because she has a 'small mouth' , but never once lovingly and sexily just licks it. I tried to do a play night and sexily tried trimming her pubic hair, she broke down crying. Can't do it at night because then she can't sleep, whereas I think she's just too lazy to go pee afterwards. Can't do it in nature because we might be seen, even though we're the only ones around for 10 miles. She thinks I'm a trained monkey and shouldn't tell her anymore what I need in our sex lives or she'll get hurt and cry.

So yeah, I F*** every woman I get a chance to. In my mind you kind of women have near zero rights to complain about your husbands stepping out. I have to admit though, plenty of husbands must also be a sex downer or there wouldn't be all these married women for me to romance. No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD


Another serious question ..
What are you asking her to do??

Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 14:31     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.



“No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD”

Hi ! I’m the PP who wanted to disagree.
Don’t need prospective as I’ve often heard similar.
But dayum why not just tell your wife ?



Because his beautiful sexy refined wife will dump his sorry butt


Yes, exactly - he "cheats" because he thinks if she knew she would end the marriage. Like most cheaters, the bolded PP lives in a delusion world built to maintain his self-esteem through an image cultivated before and with the cooperation of others. The APs allow him to believe he is this sexy stud. The marriage allows him to portray to the world that he is a "good guy" because he has a "sexy, beautiful" wife who is "refined" and is the mother of his children. These are signifiers that many men use to signal to others that they have high masculine value.

TBH, this kind of deceitful manipulation is a form of emotional abuse.

I've been through it -- discovering that my exDH had cheated with many other women, despite the fact that we had sex a lot and I never said no to him about anything sexual. But, having sex with me wasn't enough to maintain the narcissistic self-image he wanted. With other women, he could portray himself however he pleased without any questions.

I will say that my exDH was completely shocked when I told him I knew about his infidelities and that are marriage was over and that he needed to move out. He tried to reconcile for about 2 years (so the sex must not have been that bad), all the while telling me more narcissistic lies to maintain his self-image and try to manipulate me into reconciliation. Obviously, I would and did never reconcile. When our kids were old enough, I grey rocked him -- he gets no attention from me other than polite emails documenting some aspect of child custody, and a polite "hello" when he picks the kids up for visitation. Thankfully, grey rocking stopped his attempts at coercive control, and he moved along to marry someone else (whom since divorced him).

Not all women who are cheated on are sexual duds in bed, as bolded PP would like everyone to believe, because it serves to justify his cheating.



Even if Mrs beautiful sexy refined wife were to find out her man was for the streets ... She's staying put.



If that were true he would have been a man and asked for an open relationship, but he is not a man he is just another selfish coward.



Fair.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 14:28     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
No, she lied repeatedly until I cold busted her with hard evidence. It was over at that point and there was no going back.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 14:22     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.



“No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD”

Hi ! I’m the PP who wanted to disagree.
Don’t need prospective as I’ve often heard similar.
But dayum why not just tell your wife ?



Because his beautiful sexy refined wife will dump his sorry butt


Yes, exactly - he "cheats" because he thinks if she knew she would end the marriage. Like most cheaters, the bolded PP lives in a delusion world built to maintain his self-esteem through an image cultivated before and with the cooperation of others. The APs allow him to believe he is this sexy stud. The marriage allows him to portray to the world that he is a "good guy" because he has a "sexy, beautiful" wife who is "refined" and is the mother of his children. These are signifiers that many men use to signal to others that they have high masculine value.

TBH, this kind of deceitful manipulation is a form of emotional abuse.

I've been through it -- discovering that my exDH had cheated with many other women, despite the fact that we had sex a lot and I never said no to him about anything sexual. But, having sex with me wasn't enough to maintain the narcissistic self-image he wanted. With other women, he could portray himself however he pleased without any questions.

I will say that my exDH was completely shocked when I told him I knew about his infidelities and that are marriage was over and that he needed to move out. He tried to reconcile for about 2 years (so the sex must not have been that bad), all the while telling me more narcissistic lies to maintain his self-image and try to manipulate me into reconciliation. Obviously, I would and did never reconcile. When our kids were old enough, I grey rocked him -- he gets no attention from me other than polite emails documenting some aspect of child custody, and a polite "hello" when he picks the kids up for visitation. Thankfully, grey rocking stopped his attempts at coercive control, and he moved along to marry someone else (whom since divorced him).

Not all women who are cheated on are sexual duds in bed, as bolded PP would like everyone to believe, because it serves to justify his cheating.



Even if Mrs beautiful sexy refined wife were to find out her man was for the streets ... She's staying put.



If that were true he would have been a man and asked for an open relationship, but he is not a man he is just another selfish coward.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 14:15     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.



“No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD”

Hi ! I’m the PP who wanted to disagree.
Don’t need prospective as I’ve often heard similar.
But dayum why not just tell your wife ?



Because his beautiful sexy refined wife will dump his sorry butt


Yes, exactly - he "cheats" because he thinks if she knew she would end the marriage. Like most cheaters, the bolded PP lives in a delusion world built to maintain his self-esteem through an image cultivated before and with the cooperation of others. The APs allow him to believe he is this sexy stud. The marriage allows him to portray to the world that he is a "good guy" because he has a "sexy, beautiful" wife who is "refined" and is the mother of his children. These are signifiers that many men use to signal to others that they have high masculine value.

TBH, this kind of deceitful manipulation is a form of emotional abuse.

I've been through it -- discovering that my exDH had cheated with many other women, despite the fact that we had sex a lot and I never said no to him about anything sexual. But, having sex with me wasn't enough to maintain the narcissistic self-image he wanted. With other women, he could portray himself however he pleased without any questions.

I will say that my exDH was completely shocked when I told him I knew about his infidelities and that are marriage was over and that he needed to move out. He tried to reconcile for about 2 years (so the sex must not have been that bad), all the while telling me more narcissistic lies to maintain his self-image and try to manipulate me into reconciliation. Obviously, I would and did never reconcile. When our kids were old enough, I grey rocked him -- he gets no attention from me other than polite emails documenting some aspect of child custody, and a polite "hello" when he picks the kids up for visitation. Thankfully, grey rocking stopped his attempts at coercive control, and he moved along to marry someone else (whom since divorced him).

Not all women who are cheated on are sexual duds in bed, as bolded PP would like everyone to believe, because it serves to justify his cheating.


Did he ever demand "'proof"? My STBX was adamant that I dont have any proof-I did have it but refused to show him-he was still going to make something up and deny. He is an extremely intelligent person who also converted into a high-functioning alcoholic which I never supported but the AP does whole-heartedly and i am assuming this is how she took him to her bed. Well, he is clearly on the way out of the door.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 14:11     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:

"
My xH cheated multiple times despite me wanting sex with him regularly. In fact, I could barely get him to have sex with me - he'd do it once or twice a month to shut me up. He preferred sitting downstairs sexting other women on his phone.

And no, I didn't get fat, didn't let myself go, none of that. The women he cheated with were all fatter, uglier, and older than me (caught him pursuing women as old as 70 when he was early 40s!). I could have been a Victoria's Secret model and slid down a stripper pole, and he wouldn't have been interested.


That's on you x-wife, thinking all you have to do is look good.

I cheat on my wife. She enjoys sex also and is willing to partake with me. Of course she enjoys it, I do all the initiating, I give her oral until she O's and always an expression on my face and words that tell her how much I love doing it even though practically every time I get a pubic hair stuck in my throat, 100% of the time in her 'approved' positions, only during the mornings when she wants it, only on the days that she wants it, only in the location she wants it, only the sex acts she wants.

I on the other hand can't do my fav positions because it's 'uncomfortable' or 'hurts'. Whereas I think the truth is she finds them too dominant. She can't give me blowjobs because she has a 'small mouth' , but never once lovingly and sexily just licks it. I tried to do a play night and sexily tried trimming her pubic hair, she broke down crying. Can't do it at night because then she can't sleep, whereas I think she's just too lazy to go pee afterwards. Can't do it in nature because we might be seen, even though we're the only ones around for 10 miles. She thinks I'm a trained monkey and shouldn't tell her anymore what I need in our sex lives or she'll get hurt and cry.

So yeah, I F*** every woman I get a chance to. In my mind you kind of women have near zero rights to complain about your husbands stepping out. I have to admit though, plenty of husbands must also be a sex downer or there wouldn't be all these married women for me to romance. No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD


PP, do you recognize how rape-y what you said sounds? Yes, in your mind, women have no right to decline any sexual request from their spouse. Non-consensual sex is rape. The fact that you aren't physically beating your wife to get sex doesn't mean that you are not raping her. You are committing rape by fraud, because, "presumably" she believes that you and she have a monogamous marriage. By cheating on her -- have sex with other women -- you are, through your lies and deception to keep her unaware of your infidelities (the fraud), denying her real, accurate knowledge that she is not in a monogamous marriage, and thus denying her the ability to make her own choice about whether to stay or leave the marriage.

PP's wife is not his sex slave who is bound to comply with all his sexual demands. His wife says some sexual positions hurt, yet he chooses to believe she is lying and has a different motivation for not wanting to have sex in those positions. Is he forcing her to have sex in positions that she has said are painful? If so, that is rape. Marital rape was permitted in the US until Michigan and Delaware became the first states to outlaw marital rape in 1974. By 1993, every state in the US has outlawed marital rape. PP's wife is a real person who gets to say no to any sexual activity for any reason. This ability to say "No", is also what gives women the ability to say "yes" enthusiastically, so no wonder the PP is missing out on enthusiastic sex with his wife.

Of course, if I have misunderstood the bolded PP, and he has explicitly discussed an open marriage with his wife, given her the same ability to have sex with other people that he has taken, and done so without using coercive control (including but not limited to threats of economic coercion, or custodial coercion), i.e. she has freely chosen with informed consent to stay in the marriage while PP cheats, then OFC what is happening is not cheating. It is part of a fairly and freely bargained for non-monogamous marriage.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 14:00     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.



“No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD”

Hi ! I’m the PP who wanted to disagree.
Don’t need prospective as I’ve often heard similar.
But dayum why not just tell your wife ?



Because his beautiful sexy refined wife will dump his sorry butt


Yes, exactly - he "cheats" because he thinks if she knew she would end the marriage. Like most cheaters, the bolded PP lives in a delusion world built to maintain his self-esteem through an image cultivated before and with the cooperation of others. The APs allow him to believe he is this sexy stud. The marriage allows him to portray to the world that he is a "good guy" because he has a "sexy, beautiful" wife who is "refined" and is the mother of his children. These are signifiers that many men use to signal to others that they have high masculine value.

TBH, this kind of deceitful manipulation is a form of emotional abuse.

I've been through it -- discovering that my exDH had cheated with many other women, despite the fact that we had sex a lot and I never said no to him about anything sexual. But, having sex with me wasn't enough to maintain the narcissistic self-image he wanted. With other women, he could portray himself however he pleased without any questions.

I will say that my exDH was completely shocked when I told him I knew about his infidelities and that are marriage was over and that he needed to move out. He tried to reconcile for about 2 years (so the sex must not have been that bad), all the while telling me more narcissistic lies to maintain his self-image and try to manipulate me into reconciliation. Obviously, I would and did never reconcile. When our kids were old enough, I grey rocked him -- he gets no attention from me other than polite emails documenting some aspect of child custody, and a polite "hello" when he picks the kids up for visitation. Thankfully, grey rocking stopped his attempts at coercive control, and he moved along to marry someone else (whom since divorced him).

Not all women who are cheated on are sexual duds in bed, as bolded PP would like everyone to believe, because it serves to justify his cheating.



Even if Mrs beautiful sexy refined wife were to find out her man was for the streets ... She's staying put.

Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 13:54     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.



“No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD”

Hi ! I’m the PP who wanted to disagree.
Don’t need prospective as I’ve often heard similar.
But dayum why not just tell your wife ?



Because his beautiful sexy refined wife will dump his sorry butt


Yes, exactly - he "cheats" because he thinks if she knew she would end the marriage. Like most cheaters, the bolded PP lives in a delusion world built to maintain his self-esteem through an image cultivated before and with the cooperation of others. The APs allow him to believe he is this sexy stud. The marriage allows him to portray to the world that he is a "good guy" because he has a "sexy, beautiful" wife who is "refined" and is the mother of his children. These are signifiers that many men use to signal to others that they have high masculine value.

TBH, this kind of deceitful manipulation is a form of emotional abuse.

I've been through it -- discovering that my exDH had cheated with many other women, despite the fact that we had sex a lot and I never said no to him about anything sexual. But, having sex with me wasn't enough to maintain the narcissistic self-image he wanted. With other women, he could portray himself however he pleased without any questions.

I will say that my exDH was completely shocked when I told him I knew about his infidelities and that are marriage was over and that he needed to move out. He tried to reconcile for about 2 years (so the sex must not have been that bad), all the while telling me more narcissistic lies to maintain his self-image and try to manipulate me into reconciliation. Obviously, I would and did never reconcile. When our kids were old enough, I grey rocked him -- he gets no attention from me other than polite emails documenting some aspect of child custody, and a polite "hello" when he picks the kids up for visitation. Thankfully, grey rocking stopped his attempts at coercive control, and he moved along to marry someone else (whom since divorced him).

Not all women who are cheated on are sexual duds in bed, as bolded PP would like everyone to believe, because it serves to justify his cheating.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 13:34     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I confronted him with proof and he immediately went into 10 hours (literally) of telling me everything. 2+ years later I still haven't found out anything he did not tell me that first night so no trickle truthing. His entire demeanor changed like you could actually see the weight of his secret life being lifted off him.


And then what?

NP but who had a similar experience.

What do you mean “And then what?”

And then he went to therapy to exorcise his demons, made reparations, was remorseful, and lives every day fully invested. Life moved on.


Yeah right.

Um, yes. You don’t have to believe it, but we are still happily married.


As a longtime reader of this forum, the chances that your spouse was truly remorseful and will never do it again and you can rebuild are minimal. I mean, it’s certainly possible, but we’ve seen so many women here who reconcile and stay with their cheater husband for years before he falls apart again.

Our situation was pretty unique and layered and nuanced, but his remorse is sincere. Our marriage isn’t the same marriage it was before, it’s different, and it’s better.

I realize it is always a possibility he will stray again, but I also know that’s true for anyone. It’s a risk I’m willing to take with a man I’ve built a life with. Everyone has secrets and demons, and you never know if or how they’ll come to the surface one day.


Everyone thinks their relationship is “unique and layered and nuanced” and it probably is because relationships are unique. And you are taking an extra risk by staying with a man who has cheated before. That’s something that’s broken in him and a way he coped. Maybe he is reformed but the odds are just depressingly low.


And every AP thinks their affair was so unique and meant to be and unavoidable/justifiable. Blah blah blah
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 11:24     Subject: Re:Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:My stbx (filed recently) has this funny thing where he somehow believes lies of omission are OK, but direct lies make him feel guilty. (Adultery is OK as long as you don't lie too hard about it guys!) So for his first affair ten years ago, he confessed after about five minutes. However, he left out the whole physical affair part (and did deny it when asked), so there were a couple of weeks of trickle truthing.

This time around, he left suddenly a year ago with some vague words about being unhappy. And since it was clearly over, I didn't try too hard to figure out the "why" . . . I think I was relieved. But after six weeks an acquaintance reached out to say he'd heard we were separated and was there any chance my husband and his wife . . . And we put that together quickly (not least of all because my stbx had forgotten to stop sharing his location with me until I asked). We decided that I would do the confronting because his wife is a very committed liar.

It took me 30 seconds to get a confession. Basically I just said, "I know you are and how I know doesn't matter" and I just let it hang in the air. He knows better than to try to outwit me.

Hilariously, her husband waited three weeks to confront her at therapy, and in that time my husband didn't warn her that I knew. So he said, "I know you're sleeping with him," and she denied denied denied, and finally she said, "I don't know where you think you're getting your information from" and he said, "from what he told his wife." Ha ha ha. Mic drop.

Anyway, a year has passed and I am so happy to be off the merry go round. They're still together, though she's never admitted it. She goes to a church where they would rebuke her for the sin of adultery so I guess that's why. I'd rather a) not a be a hypocrite and b) not go to a church that would involve itself in my sex life. But that's just me.

I will say that my stbx's relative lack of gaslighting has made coparenting easier. I We are able to sit together at events, share rides, chat casually, text about random stuff, etc. His girlfriend and her ex are not able to do those things. And I can understand why her blame shifting and lying to him to this very day make it impossible to be chummy.


Churchy adulterers are the worst.
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 10:29     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.



“No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD”

Hi ! I’m the PP who wanted to disagree.
Don’t need prospective as I’ve often heard similar.
But dayum why not just tell your wife ?



Because his beautiful sexy refined wife will dump his sorry butt
Anonymous
Post 02/06/2026 07:41     Subject: Did your spouse confess?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I want to hate and disagree w you soooooo bad.

Ugh!

I'm the pp. Sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll learn to reflect some day. I wish you the best.


Serious question. Why not divorce?


I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.



“No matter the gender, if you don't Love your spouse enough to do ANYTHING and with enthusiasm on your face for the one you supposedly love, then you're just a DUD”

Hi ! I’m the PP who wanted to disagree.
Don’t need prospective as I’ve often heard similar.
But dayum why not just tell your wife ?



Anonymous
Post 02/05/2026 23:42     Subject: Re:Did your spouse confess?
I appreciate the serious question without snide comment.
She's a 9 out of 10 for being a wonderful person. Very refined. Mother of my children. Still incredibly beautiful and sexy after all these years. We also are still very much in Love. We still have sex, but she's beyond vanilla and is selfish in bed. I cheat ONLY for the sex. I didn't take cheating lightly; it was after 20 years of not having my needs met.


Let’s be real - you cheat because you are a completely degenerate POS who. Should be left at the curb with the trash. Every person on this forum is feeling so so sorry for your wife, and every other woman you use.