Personally, I solve these situations on a case-by-case basis. No one can tell you better than you what to do in this case. Alternatively, you can go the Mike Pence route and never have a drink with a woman again in your life unless you’re dating… You have to pick which framework suits your own mind and act accordingly.

If you use the fist approach, you have to think about this specific friend. Is she actually doing anything or are you doing anything specific consciously or unconsciously, to give your GF cause for concern? Do the two of you have any chemistry or is your gut reaction “that would never happens she’s practically a sister,” etc.? You have to be brutally honest here.

I haven’t had a parent cheat but I have had a boyfriend had a string of really good female friends who made me uncomfortable. He told me I was crazy and was offended about my suggestions there were things going on between them but: one of those openly confessed to him she had a crush on him (he was enjoying the ego trip) and the other was an ex whom he ended up marrying after we broke up (over this issue). So in that case, I was absolutely right. However, I have male friends and a male business partner, and DH has a few good female friends and we are both totally fine with it and there is absolutely nothing going on and there never will be. I don’t need to “Mike Pence” these people because I know I’d never hook up with them even if drunk or whatever. There ARE others whom I stay away VERY VERY far from because I do find them hot, and while I like to think I would never….why tempt oneself? I’m 47, been married a long time.

Good luck and have fun with your GF! The fact she’s in therapy and open about all this is a good sign, as is the way you’re considering this carefully.

Anonymous wrote: I'm getting conflicting advice . I've heard drop the friend and drop the girlfriend and ask my girlfriend what I can do to help her.

So what should I do?

You are likely getting conflicting advice because people have different experiences that shape their views. What did they see with their parents - did the parents have close friend of the opposite sex that didn’t not cross any lines? Does the girlfriend have close friends of the opposite sex where she would see this as typical and knows that those relationships are 100% platonic? I’m fortunate my DH and I are naturally aligned on our perspective.

As for what should you do - if your best friend is a supporter of the relationship and is willing to fallback a little to see you succeed in your relationship and you are building that emotional connection/friendship with your girlfriend where she would be the person you turn to first if there is a hard time in your life, I don’t see the issue. IMO where there are issues is when there are not strong boundaries. Even with same gender friendships, there are some slight shifts as a serious dating relationship emerges - less time to hang out with best friend, less likely to discuss relationship woes outside of the relationship to our friends, more of bringing good times and bad first to significant other.