Anonymous
09/16/2025 18:04
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Anonymous wrote:Not my experience. My 11 year old girl and her friends are so much fun and supportive of each other. The boys in her class are vile.
I truly think there are just nasty cohorts in certain grades. Like the 5th grade boys at my kid’s school have serious problems. Obviously not all or even most of them, but the issues of the few spill out into the rest of the grade in a way that is disproportional to the number of kids who are creating the problems. And then there are kids who you can tell would be nice and pleasant if only they weren’t around this disruptive bunch of kids.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 16:38
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Not my experience. My 11 year old girl and her friends are so much fun and supportive of each other. The boys in her class are vile.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 16:33
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Yes, unfortunately OP
Anonymous
09/16/2025 16:30
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Many girls are not mean, but most of them form their tiny circles and they are not inclusive to other kids outside of their circle. They don't say mean words but they ignore your existences and not responding to you. Not thick skin kids take the cues and know that they are not really welcomed to join them to hang out or play together.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 14:11
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Yes. Most girls are really mean. Most women are mean too.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 13:59
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have 2 teenage girls. They are not mean. They are kind and quiet girls. They intentionally avoid mean girls. From my observation, it seems that most of the "mean girl" behavior is in the most popular circles which my girls are not part of.
I will say this. My girls are not proactively mean but they have developed a survival instinct to fight back against mean girls that pick on other girls, basically learning to fight fire with fire. Even though I'm proud of them for doing that, it makes me sad at the same time.
OP here. My DD has always been included in most things in preschool and early elementary and I guess these people may become the popular girls. My daughter is pretty and fairly good at most things she tries, just like her brothers. She goes to public school and we are on the high end of income and house. Being rich in public doesn’t seem to help her socially. Some girls seem to get jealous or mean about material items our family cares nothing about. Girls may put things down for no reason. Ugh. I hate this.
I am going to say that if your DD gives off the vibe you do here, it doesn't surprise me that girls are mean... but you are very much misunderstanding why. You come across like exactly the parent you are criticizing. Your daughter is pretty. Your daughter is good at things. So is your son. You are rich comparatively. You have a nice house. You are sad that being rich doesn't help her socially(?!?). Girls are jealous of your kid's (implicitly) super fancy stuff that you are too rich to care about. Like... you probably don't intend to, but you absolutely come across as the problem.
My daughter is generally included by most of the girls despite them being mean to her and others.
I only wrote that we have a nice home stating it does not seem to give her any social advantages. If anything, it seems to be negative. She has a very well decorated room with a closet full of nice clothes she mostly does not wear.
When my boys’ friends came over, we had a 5000sf basement that they loved playing in. We always had the latest video game or toys so they enjoyed coming over to play. They raided our pantry of snacks and loved it.
It just goes to show that kids are different and maybe boy and girl friendships are different. I only have boys, but the girls in their grade seem light years ahead in their maturity and interests.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 13:28
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have 2 teenage girls. They are not mean. They are kind and quiet girls. They intentionally avoid mean girls. From my observation, it seems that most of the "mean girl" behavior is in the most popular circles which my girls are not part of.
I will say this. My girls are not proactively mean but they have developed a survival instinct to fight back against mean girls that pick on other girls, basically learning to fight fire with fire. Even though I'm proud of them for doing that, it makes me sad at the same time.
OP here. My DD has always been included in most things in preschool and early elementary and I guess these people may become the popular girls. My daughter is pretty and fairly good at most things she tries, just like her brothers. She goes to public school and we are on the high end of income and house. Being rich in public doesn’t seem to help her socially. Some girls seem to get jealous or mean about material items our family cares nothing about. Girls may put things down for no reason. Ugh. I hate this.
I am going to say that if your DD gives off the vibe you do here, it doesn't surprise me that girls are mean... but you are very much misunderstanding why. You come across like exactly the parent you are criticizing. Your daughter is pretty. Your daughter is good at things. So is your son. You are rich comparatively. You have a nice house. You are sad that being rich doesn't help her socially(?!?). Girls are jealous of your kid's (implicitly) super fancy stuff that you are too rich to care about. Like... you probably don't intend to, but you absolutely come across as the problem.
My daughter is generally included by most of the girls despite them being mean to her and others.
I only wrote that we have a nice home stating it does not seem to give her any social advantages. If anything, it seems to be negative. She has a very well decorated room with a closet full of nice clothes she mostly does not wear.
When my boys’ friends came over, we had a 5000sf basement that they loved playing in. We always had the latest video game or toys so they enjoyed coming over to play. They raided our pantry of snacks and loved it.
DP but now I think OP is a troll. The PP's point was a good one -- OP seems to focus a lot on their material wealth and good looks and maybe this is translating to how other kids and families interact with their family. What is the response? We had a basement twice the size of most people's entire house filled with the latest video games and toys and stocked with snacks and they enjoyed that.
Like no one is this tone deaf. Right?
I’m not a troll and the post has nothing to do with wealth.
The post came after a Girl Scouts event this past weekend where the girls took turns being very mean to one another, taking turns excluding girls and many hurt feelings. The words said to my own daughter were relatively mild and did not end in big hurt feelings. However, it made me think that these girls are not nice girls. Most of the parents seem wonderful, at least at surface level.
Separately from the Girl Scouts event, there has been lots of drama at school and also the few people we have had over have turned out to be violent or very angry. Maybe this is what happens with preteen girls.
You've spent an inordinate amount of time in your posts focused on the size of your home, how attractive your kids are, and your wealth relative to school peers. If you aren't a troll and those comments are just genuinely how you think, I would consider reflecting on whether you are overemphasizing wealth and appearance to your children, and this is leading to behavior that is mean and overly competitive.
I would not draw broad conclusions about what all girls are like based on a single bad Girl Scouts weekend. I especially think your conclusion that preteen girls are violent and angry bizarre -- I have witnessed some mean girl behavior among my preteen daughter and friends, but ZERO violent behavior and even the kids who can be mean or rude never really come off as angry. So sorry, your experience is just not representative, perhaps there is an issue with this specific school community, or maybe your child is selecting friends with similar traits, or maybe your own child's behavior is provoking competitive and negative interactions. All worth considering.
We live in a very competitive area. Within this competitive area, the children of these highly accomplished parents seem to have some very strong personalities. This aggression may seem surprisingly mean to me now. Perhaps this will translate to success later.
My sweet daughter has to get a thicker skin. The girls mostly exclude, whisper, roll eyes and say critical things like someone being fat or stupid. My child isn’t fat or stupid so no one says this to her but they say it to others.
Why don’t you stop helicoptering your kids experiences
If my kid comes home crying, I’m going to ask her what is wrong. If someone is in my home and I can hear her saying awful things, I can observe in my own house.
I do think my daughter is more sensitive and definitely tells me A LOT more than my boys ever did. DD does not roughhouse. She isn’t used to ever getting hurt physically or emotionally. My boys may come home limping from sports or gets a black eye from a ball but they don’t complain. DD getting grabbed by a girl and leaving a mark is a big deal for my daughter.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 13:24
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Anonymous wrote:The Girl Scout moms and most of the girls involved are a nasty clique at my kids’ school (I have 2 boys so not directly involved). They’re not super pretty or successful/wealthy either. It’s a lot of Cookie Monster pajama pants and bike shorts and big tees. Definitely not a snob thing but they just have no time of day for anyone else and seem to barely tolerate each other.
I do think the mean behavior and complex social dynamics starts earlier with girls. I’m sure it was there before but I noticed it a lot in 3rd grade. I volunteered a few times in my one kid’s classroom and at school and could tell almost immediately which girls were usually excluded. They were all the nice, well-behaved girls, who were on grade level (not advanced or behind/remedial), and seemed a touch immature or maybe naive. Like they’d go home and want to play with dolls, or want to actually play on the playground vs. the more socially advanced girls who talk and show off gymnastics moves.
OP here. Thank you for observation from a third party perspective. I think my daughter is borderline. She has done the same activities with these girls since a younger age but we have not signed up for anything competitive yet.
My kid is still naive and definitely still acts like a younger elementary child than a tween. These girls are 9. One girl was on a field trip with me last year and kept wanting to be where a boy was that she had a crush on. She was not interested in the field trip at all. She is one of the girls who isn’t nice. She isn’t nice to many people, including me and my daughter. I remember thinking she was very disrespectful on the field trip. And she does have an older sister and is older for the grade. I clearly remember her not inviting my daughter to her birthday party and DD was sad about it last year. She tells everyone they are stupid. Maybe her sister calls her stupid. Shrug.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 12:59
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
The Girl Scout moms and most of the girls involved are a nasty clique at my kids’ school (I have 2 boys so not directly involved). They’re not super pretty or successful/wealthy either. It’s a lot of Cookie Monster pajama pants and bike shorts and big tees. Definitely not a snob thing but they just have no time of day for anyone else and seem to barely tolerate each other.
I do think the mean behavior and complex social dynamics starts earlier with girls. I’m sure it was there before but I noticed it a lot in 3rd grade. I volunteered a few times in my one kid’s classroom and at school and could tell almost immediately which girls were usually excluded. They were all the nice, well-behaved girls, who were on grade level (not advanced or behind/remedial), and seemed a touch immature or maybe naive. Like they’d go home and want to play with dolls, or want to actually play on the playground vs. the more socially advanced girls who talk and show off gymnastics moves.
I do think the mean behavior and complex social dynamics starts earlier with girls. I’m sure it was there before but I noticed it a lot in 3rd grade. I volunteered a few times in my one kid’s classroom and at school and could tell almost immediately which girls were usually excluded. They were all the nice, well-behaved girls, who were on grade level (not advanced or behind/remedial), and seemed a touch immature or maybe naive. Like they’d go home and want to play with dolls, or want to actually play on the playground vs. the more socially advanced girls who talk and show off gymnastics moves.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 11:18
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have 2 teenage girls. They are not mean. They are kind and quiet girls. They intentionally avoid mean girls. From my observation, it seems that most of the "mean girl" behavior is in the most popular circles which my girls are not part of.
I will say this. My girls are not proactively mean but they have developed a survival instinct to fight back against mean girls that pick on other girls, basically learning to fight fire with fire. Even though I'm proud of them for doing that, it makes me sad at the same time.
OP here. My DD has always been included in most things in preschool and early elementary and I guess these people may become the popular girls. My daughter is pretty and fairly good at most things she tries, just like her brothers. She goes to public school and we are on the high end of income and house. Being rich in public doesn’t seem to help her socially. Some girls seem to get jealous or mean about material items our family cares nothing about. Girls may put things down for no reason. Ugh. I hate this.
I am going to say that if your DD gives off the vibe you do here, it doesn't surprise me that girls are mean... but you are very much misunderstanding why. You come across like exactly the parent you are criticizing. Your daughter is pretty. Your daughter is good at things. So is your son. You are rich comparatively. You have a nice house. You are sad that being rich doesn't help her socially(?!?). Girls are jealous of your kid's (implicitly) super fancy stuff that you are too rich to care about. Like... you probably don't intend to, but you absolutely come across as the problem.
My daughter is generally included by most of the girls despite them being mean to her and others.
I only wrote that we have a nice home stating it does not seem to give her any social advantages. If anything, it seems to be negative. She has a very well decorated room with a closet full of nice clothes she mostly does not wear.
When my boys’ friends came over, we had a 5000sf basement that they loved playing in. We always had the latest video game or toys so they enjoyed coming over to play. They raided our pantry of snacks and loved it.
DP but now I think OP is a troll. The PP's point was a good one -- OP seems to focus a lot on their material wealth and good looks and maybe this is translating to how other kids and families interact with their family. What is the response? We had a basement twice the size of most people's entire house filled with the latest video games and toys and stocked with snacks and they enjoyed that.
Like no one is this tone deaf. Right?
I’m not a troll and the post has nothing to do with wealth.
The post came after a Girl Scouts event this past weekend where the girls took turns being very mean to one another, taking turns excluding girls and many hurt feelings. The words said to my own daughter were relatively mild and did not end in big hurt feelings. However, it made me think that these girls are not nice girls. Most of the parents seem wonderful, at least at surface level.
Separately from the Girl Scouts event, there has been lots of drama at school and also the few people we have had over have turned out to be violent or very angry. Maybe this is what happens with preteen girls.
You've spent an inordinate amount of time in your posts focused on the size of your home, how attractive your kids are, and your wealth relative to school peers. If you aren't a troll and those comments are just genuinely how you think, I would consider reflecting on whether you are overemphasizing wealth and appearance to your children, and this is leading to behavior that is mean and overly competitive.
I would not draw broad conclusions about what all girls are like based on a single bad Girl Scouts weekend. I especially think your conclusion that preteen girls are violent and angry bizarre -- I have witnessed some mean girl behavior among my preteen daughter and friends, but ZERO violent behavior and even the kids who can be mean or rude never really come off as angry. So sorry, your experience is just not representative, perhaps there is an issue with this specific school community, or maybe your child is selecting friends with similar traits, or maybe your own child's behavior is provoking competitive and negative interactions. All worth considering.
We live in a very competitive area. Within this competitive area, the children of these highly accomplished parents seem to have some very strong personalities. This aggression may seem surprisingly mean to me now. Perhaps this will translate to success later.
My sweet daughter has to get a thicker skin. The girls mostly exclude, whisper, roll eyes and say critical things like someone being fat or stupid. My child isn’t fat or stupid so no one says this to her but they say it to others.
Why don’t you stop helicoptering your kids experiences
Anonymous
09/16/2025 11:10
Subject: Re:Are most girls just mean?
I have a 13 year old daughter and 15 year old boy and we have come across girls who are mean and boys who are mean. But most have not been in our experience. The mean ones stand out, obviously, and can make your life miserable, but in our experience, bout 5% of kids have been mean kids and plenty of others may do a mean thing at some point, but they are not over all mean.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 11:06
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have 2 teenage girls. They are not mean. They are kind and quiet girls. They intentionally avoid mean girls. From my observation, it seems that most of the "mean girl" behavior is in the most popular circles which my girls are not part of.
I will say this. My girls are not proactively mean but they have developed a survival instinct to fight back against mean girls that pick on other girls, basically learning to fight fire with fire. Even though I'm proud of them for doing that, it makes me sad at the same time.
OP here. My DD has always been included in most things in preschool and early elementary and I guess these people may become the popular girls. My daughter is pretty and fairly good at most things she tries, just like her brothers. She goes to public school and we are on the high end of income and house. Being rich in public doesn’t seem to help her socially. Some girls seem to get jealous or mean about material items our family cares nothing about. Girls may put things down for no reason. Ugh. I hate this.
I am going to say that if your DD gives off the vibe you do here, it doesn't surprise me that girls are mean... but you are very much misunderstanding why. You come across like exactly the parent you are criticizing. Your daughter is pretty. Your daughter is good at things. So is your son. You are rich comparatively. You have a nice house. You are sad that being rich doesn't help her socially(?!?). Girls are jealous of your kid's (implicitly) super fancy stuff that you are too rich to care about. Like... you probably don't intend to, but you absolutely come across as the problem.
My daughter is generally included by most of the girls despite them being mean to her and others.
I only wrote that we have a nice home stating it does not seem to give her any social advantages. If anything, it seems to be negative. She has a very well decorated room with a closet full of nice clothes she mostly does not wear.
When my boys’ friends came over, we had a 5000sf basement that they loved playing in. We always had the latest video game or toys so they enjoyed coming over to play. They raided our pantry of snacks and loved it.
DP but now I think OP is a troll. The PP's point was a good one -- OP seems to focus a lot on their material wealth and good looks and maybe this is translating to how other kids and families interact with their family. What is the response? We had a basement twice the size of most people's entire house filled with the latest video games and toys and stocked with snacks and they enjoyed that.
Like no one is this tone deaf. Right?
I’m not a troll and the post has nothing to do with wealth.
The post came after a Girl Scouts event this past weekend where the girls took turns being very mean to one another, taking turns excluding girls and many hurt feelings. The words said to my own daughter were relatively mild and did not end in big hurt feelings. However, it made me think that these girls are not nice girls. Most of the parents seem wonderful, at least at surface level.
Separately from the Girl Scouts event, there has been lots of drama at school and also the few people we have had over have turned out to be violent or very angry. Maybe this is what happens with preteen girls.
You've spent an inordinate amount of time in your posts focused on the size of your home, how attractive your kids are, and your wealth relative to school peers. If you aren't a troll and those comments are just genuinely how you think, I would consider reflecting on whether you are overemphasizing wealth and appearance to your children, and this is leading to behavior that is mean and overly competitive.
I would not draw broad conclusions about what all girls are like based on a single bad Girl Scouts weekend. I especially think your conclusion that preteen girls are violent and angry bizarre -- I have witnessed some mean girl behavior among my preteen daughter and friends, but ZERO violent behavior and even the kids who can be mean or rude never really come off as angry. So sorry, your experience is just not representative, perhaps there is an issue with this specific school community, or maybe your child is selecting friends with similar traits, or maybe your own child's behavior is provoking competitive and negative interactions. All worth considering.
We live in a very competitive area. Within this competitive area, the children of these highly accomplished parents seem to have some very strong personalities. This aggression may seem surprisingly mean to me now. Perhaps this will translate to success later.
My sweet daughter has to get a thicker skin. The girls mostly exclude, whisper, roll eyes and say critical things like someone being fat or stupid. My child isn’t fat or stupid so no one says this to her but they say it to others.
The issue isn't getting a thicker skin. It is not picking the mean kids to hang out with, and standing up for those being picked on. So if one kid says "Larla is fat and stupid" respond with "that's not nice". Doing that will change the tone of the get togethers. It might mean that some of the worst of the kids don't want to hang out with your kid, but if someone doesn't want to be your friend because you won't be mean to others...oh well...no loss.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 11:05
Subject: Re:Are most girls just mean?
If you are finding MOST girls to be mean, and in multiple activities and situations:
I think you need to examine your own behavior/attitude and/or that of your own DD. You may be assuming things that are not true (maybe based on your own past experiences) or overreacting to or misinterpreting some words or behaviors.
There are definitely some mean girls out there, and it does start early. But most girls? Extremely unlikely.
I think you need to examine your own behavior/attitude and/or that of your own DD. You may be assuming things that are not true (maybe based on your own past experiences) or overreacting to or misinterpreting some words or behaviors.
There are definitely some mean girls out there, and it does start early. But most girls? Extremely unlikely.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 11:02
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Anonymous wrote:OP is really dense. You obviously don’t work
A mommy wars poster! Welcome back. Though I thought we were past this by now.
Anonymous
09/16/2025 11:01
Subject: Are most girls just mean?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have 2 teenage girls. They are not mean. They are kind and quiet girls. They intentionally avoid mean girls. From my observation, it seems that most of the "mean girl" behavior is in the most popular circles which my girls are not part of.
I will say this. My girls are not proactively mean but they have developed a survival instinct to fight back against mean girls that pick on other girls, basically learning to fight fire with fire. Even though I'm proud of them for doing that, it makes me sad at the same time.
OP here. My DD has always been included in most things in preschool and early elementary and I guess these people may become the popular girls. My daughter is pretty and fairly good at most things she tries, just like her brothers. She goes to public school and we are on the high end of income and house. Being rich in public doesn’t seem to help her socially. Some girls seem to get jealous or mean about material items our family cares nothing about. Girls may put things down for no reason. Ugh. I hate this.
I am going to say that if your DD gives off the vibe you do here, it doesn't surprise me that girls are mean... but you are very much misunderstanding why. You come across like exactly the parent you are criticizing. Your daughter is pretty. Your daughter is good at things. So is your son. You are rich comparatively. You have a nice house. You are sad that being rich doesn't help her socially(?!?). Girls are jealous of your kid's (implicitly) super fancy stuff that you are too rich to care about. Like... you probably don't intend to, but you absolutely come across as the problem.
My daughter is generally included by most of the girls despite them being mean to her and others.
I only wrote that we have a nice home stating it does not seem to give her any social advantages. If anything, it seems to be negative. She has a very well decorated room with a closet full of nice clothes she mostly does not wear.
When my boys’ friends came over, we had a 5000sf basement that they loved playing in. We always had the latest video game or toys so they enjoyed coming over to play. They raided our pantry of snacks and loved it.
DP but now I think OP is a troll. The PP's point was a good one -- OP seems to focus a lot on their material wealth and good looks and maybe this is translating to how other kids and families interact with their family. What is the response? We had a basement twice the size of most people's entire house filled with the latest video games and toys and stocked with snacks and they enjoyed that.
Like no one is this tone deaf. Right?
I’m not a troll and the post has nothing to do with wealth.
The post came after a Girl Scouts event this past weekend where the girls took turns being very mean to one another, taking turns excluding girls and many hurt feelings. The words said to my own daughter were relatively mild and did not end in big hurt feelings. However, it made me think that these girls are not nice girls. Most of the parents seem wonderful, at least at surface level.
Separately from the Girl Scouts event, there has been lots of drama at school and also the few people we have had over have turned out to be violent or very angry. Maybe this is what happens with preteen girls.
You've spent an inordinate amount of time in your posts focused on the size of your home, how attractive your kids are, and your wealth relative to school peers. If you aren't a troll and those comments are just genuinely how you think, I would consider reflecting on whether you are overemphasizing wealth and appearance to your children, and this is leading to behavior that is mean and overly competitive.
I would not draw broad conclusions about what all girls are like based on a single bad Girl Scouts weekend. I especially think your conclusion that preteen girls are violent and angry bizarre -- I have witnessed some mean girl behavior among my preteen daughter and friends, but ZERO violent behavior and even the kids who can be mean or rude never really come off as angry. So sorry, your experience is just not representative, perhaps there is an issue with this specific school community, or maybe your child is selecting friends with similar traits, or maybe your own child's behavior is provoking competitive and negative interactions. All worth considering.
We live in a very competitive area. Within this competitive area, the children of these highly accomplished parents seem to have some very strong personalities. This aggression may seem surprisingly mean to me now. Perhaps this will translate to success later.
My sweet daughter has to get a thicker skin. The girls mostly exclude, whisper, roll eyes and say critical things like someone being fat or stupid. My child isn’t fat or stupid so no one says this to her but they say it to others.
Your DD needs to learn to pick nicer friends.