Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when teen has left the other parent’s house early and returned to yours on public transportation, what has other parent done about it? Have they gotten in their car and come to your house to retrieve teen? Have they asked for your assistance in dealing with the situation? Do they want you to discipline teen for failure to comply with the custody schedule? Or are they just venting to you because they’re upset that teen doesn’t want to stay there? My response would depend on what other parent is asking of me.

This. The other parent is being an incompetent baby. Wah wah wah, I can't handle my relationship with the kid, discipline them for me because I'm not effective enough to do it myself. I would not allow them to dump this problem in my lap and waste my time on it. If they want the kid back they can come and pick up the kid.

This is the equivalent of the 50s husband who expected to come home to dinner, a clean house, and adorable well behaved children in cute outfits. Mommy is to send a sparkling child to Disney Dad so he can show what a good father he is and mom must discipline child upon child's return to her if that doesn't happen.

The other parent is thinking about their parenting time all wrong. It's not a block of time in which they're entitled to have a compliant child brought to them so that the parent can enjoy the child. That's not what this is about. Rather, it's a block of time in which they are *responsible* for the child, and they parent the child, and they take the good with the bad. During their time they spend time with the child, yes, but they also deal with behavior, set limits and boundaries, and support the child in doing developmentally appropriate things like having friends. If a behavioral issue comes up during their parenting time, they are responsible to deal with it. Not to come crying to their co-parent for intervention as if you're an uncle and they're the real parent. Kids usually respect and like parents who parent them appropriately.

Especially for something as stupid as this. Who would think a teen likes a longer commute and no time with friends? Come on. Of course this was going to go very, very badly. This parent's incompetence and poor choices are not the other parent's problem to fix. Choices have consequences!

Anonymous wrote:OP, when teen has left the other parent’s house early and returned to yours on public transportation, what has other parent done about it? Have they gotten in their car and come to your house to retrieve teen? Have they asked for your assistance in dealing with the situation? Do they want you to discipline teen for failure to comply with the custody schedule? Or are they just venting to you because they’re upset that teen doesn’t want to stay there? My response would depend on what other parent is asking of me.

This. The other parent is being an incompetent baby. Wah wah wah, I can't handle my relationship with the kid, discipline them for me because I'm not effective enough to do it myself. I would not allow them to dump this problem in my lap and waste my time on it. If they want the kid back they can come and pick up the kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make it clear to my teen that he needs to make it work. 1) this won't be the last time he has to deal with difficult personalities 2) he needs college to be paid for 3) he will someday get to control the relationship. For now, he deals with it.

Couldn't it also be if 1) sometimes family can be hard to deal with but we try to figure out a way because we love one another and support each other 2) parent is making a financial commitment to better their kids' lives and that shouldn't be dismissed 3) relationships should not be based on controlling one another but by mutual affection and trust

If mom cuts out dad she should be fully financially responsible. She’s the difficult one. She’s not willing to change the schedule just force dad to give up his time. If dad is smart he will not pay for things outside child support if son does not honor the agreement. With that extra time, son can get a job and if he wants to make grown up decisions he can pay for them himself.

Wrong. From OP:

“Parent with difficult relationship is not interested in altering custody and feels there should be tough love and teen forced to go as per court agreement.”

The difficult one is mom. If there is a court order, it should be respected.

Agree. And consequences for teen if they refuse to go.

Barring abuse ....The most important thing a parent can do is support their kids relationship with the other parent.

No excuses. Even prisons develop special programs to facilitate and encourage kids' connection with their parents.

If OP doesn't think that is important, I'd encourage OP to go to a local prison and ask the inmates if that's true.

So like, punish the kid into enjoying time with their other parent? That's not really how enjoyment works.

If the other parent thinks this will be successful, the other parent is welcome to choose and implement a punishment. They can go right ahead and see how well it works. I wouldn't wreck my relationship with my kid, nor put myself through the hassle of it, trying to coerce them to accept poor parenting choices by the other parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really sad the number of posters who don’t care about how the teen feels. That’s heart breaking. This child is not a piece of property to pass back and forth. Put the child first. Please.

Simple solution then would be for teen to go live with dad to stop the back and forth.

Denying a parent a relationship but expecting them to be an atm is wrong and cruel.

Sorry. A parent has a financial responsibility to a child regardless of what relationship they have. It’s the law.

OP, when teen has left the other parent’s house early and returned to yours on public transportation, what has other parent done about it? Have they gotten in their car and come to your house to retrieve teen? Have they asked for your assistance in dealing with the situation? Do they want you to discipline teen for failure to comply with the custody schedule? Or are they just venting to you because they’re upset that teen doesn’t want to stay there? My response would depend on what other parent is asking of me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make it clear to my teen that he needs to make it work. 1) this won't be the last time he has to deal with difficult personalities 2) he needs college to be paid for 3) he will someday get to control the relationship. For now, he deals with it.

Couldn't it also be if 1) sometimes family can be hard to deal with but we try to figure out a way because we love one another and support each other 2) parent is making a financial commitment to better their kids' lives and that shouldn't be dismissed 3) relationships should not be based on controlling one another but by mutual affection and trust

If mom cuts out dad she should be fully financially responsible. She’s the difficult one. She’s not willing to change the schedule just force dad to give up his time. If dad is smart he will not pay for things outside child support if son does not honor the agreement. With that extra time, son can get a job and if he wants to make grown up decisions he can pay for them himself.

Wrong. From OP:

“Parent with difficult relationship is not interested in altering custody and feels there should be tough love and teen forced to go as per court agreement.”

The difficult one is mom. If there is a court order, it should be respected.

Agree. And consequences for teen if they refuse to go.

Barring abuse ....The most important thing a parent can do is support their kids relationship with the other parent.

No excuses. Even prisons develop special programs to facilitate and encourage kids' connection with their parents.

If OP doesn't think that is important, I'd encourage OP to go to a local prison and ask the inmates if that's true.

The second parent is being selfish and isn’t behaving the way a parent should. Parents of teens tend to spend much of their time dropping their kids off at activities and with friends. They don’t require their kid to sit at home all weekend. The custody standard isn’t parents rights, it is the best interest of the child. Maybe if the second parent actually put their child’s feelings and desires first, they would have a better relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make it clear to my teen that he needs to make it work. 1) this won't be the last time he has to deal with difficult personalities 2) he needs college to be paid for 3) he will someday get to control the relationship. For now, he deals with it.

Couldn't it also be if 1) sometimes family can be hard to deal with but we try to figure out a way because we love one another and support each other 2) parent is making a financial commitment to better their kids' lives and that shouldn't be dismissed 3) relationships should not be based on controlling one another but by mutual affection and trust

If mom cuts out dad she should be fully financially responsible. She’s the difficult one. She’s not willing to change the schedule just force dad to give up his time. If dad is smart he will not pay for things outside child support if son does not honor the agreement. With that extra time, son can get a job and if he wants to make grown up decisions he can pay for them himself.

Wrong. From OP:

“Parent with difficult relationship is not interested in altering custody and feels there should be tough love and teen forced to go as per court agreement.”

The difficult one is mom. If there is a court order, it should be respected.

Agree. And consequences for teen if they refuse to go.

Barring abuse ....The most important thing a parent can do is support their kids relationship with the other parent.

No excuses. Even prisons develop special programs to facilitate and encourage kids' connection with their parents.

If OP doesn't think that is important, I'd encourage OP to go to a local prison and ask the inmates if that's true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The are following your lead. Stop sabotaging the other parent and uphold the agreement. If they refuse have consequences.

This. It is very clear that the OP is the saboteur here. Very.

The only things that are clear are the giant chip on your shoulder and your agenda. Start your own thread. This one isn’t about how you got screwed. It’s about a teen who says they will not comply with the court ordered custody arrangement. OP sought advice on what to do about it since other parent doesn’t want any changes to the schedule and isn’t flexible about letting teen hang out with friends on their weekends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make it clear to my teen that he needs to make it work. 1) this won't be the last time he has to deal with difficult personalities 2) he needs college to be paid for 3) he will someday get to control the relationship. For now, he deals with it.

Couldn't it also be if 1) sometimes family can be hard to deal with but we try to figure out a way because we love one another and support each other 2) parent is making a financial commitment to better their kids' lives and that shouldn't be dismissed 3) relationships should not be based on controlling one another but by mutual affection and trust

If mom cuts out dad she should be fully financially responsible. She’s the difficult one. She’s not willing to change the schedule just force dad to give up his time. If dad is smart he will not pay for things outside child support if son does not honor the agreement. With that extra time, son can get a job and if he wants to make grown up decisions he can pay for them himself.

Wrong. From OP:

“Parent with difficult relationship is not interested in altering custody and feels there should be tough love and teen forced to go as per court agreement.”

The difficult one is mom. If there is a court order, it should be respected.

The only person who isn’t respecting it is teen. Everyone else is okay with it. OP isn’t sure what to do when teen shows up at his/her door because teen left other parent’s house on their own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on the teens side. However, I think the parents need to work on Dad and teen seeing each other.
Teen needs to stay with Dad for one weekend a month from after school Friday til Sunday night or Monday morning.
One additional weekend teen needs to spend Saturday OR Sunday with Dad.
Midweek Dad comes to see Teen at least once a week and they go out for dinner or do some activity together, but it doesn’t involve teen sleeping at his house.
It’s important teen maintains relationship but that shouldn’t mean the 50/50 situation is the best way anymore.

Mom doesn't want kid with dad at all. She could be creative with the schedule, as in more holidays, summer, long weekends but she will not give at all.

Stop posting misinformation. You don’t know whether OP is mom or dad, but it doesn’t matter because they are equals here. They have equal custody and equal time. The parent who lives farther from teen’s school and doesn’t want teen spending all weekend with friends is the one who doesn’t want any changes to the schedule.