Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, default parent + scout parent here. For the campout jacket, believe me - we've all been there. All of us. I hope you didn't lecture them. Let them learn on their own.

I didn't read the whole thread but assuming your DH wants his kids to eat lunch, go to field trips, have a decent campout, and for home life to run smoothly, his solution is calendars and checklists.

Some parents use calendars and checklists at work and they think they can "take a break" from them at home. They are wrong.

Some parents rely on other people at work to do some of their calendar and checklist work, and they think they don't need to learn how to do it at home. They are wrong.

Some parents are ok with calendars and checklists, but not good enough to manage a DMV family and household in the year 2025. Whatever they need to do - wake up earlier, watch less YouTube, get to the doctor to ask about ADHD, build new habits, they think that they don't need to do it. They are wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have to just let him fail and see what happens. None of these things are that serious.

OP again. I know I sound defensive, but I honestly want advice even if it's harsh. It's been a year since he left his job.

Forms aren't filled out. Permissions slips aren't signed. Kids get to school without lunch. Is the solution that I shouldn't care if DD sits at school and misses a field trip she has been talking about for a week because the permission slip wasn't signed? The lack of warm clothes is one of many, daily issues. And, FWIW, DH came back and said the trip was rather unpleasant because of it, and DS has a cold.

DH is a good dad and loves his kids. But we are in a constant state of chaos, because everything is haphazard and last minute. My kids are complaining to me that they are tired of pizza! I'm willing to hire help.

I don't care if DH spends his days mountain biking and doing whatever he wants, he's earned it. But I can't do it all anymore. Most mornings I'm washing dishes at 5am, because I am up then to prep for calls to Europe and things are piled up everywhere so much I can't even stand to be in the kitchen. He wasn't like this before we had kids.

You sound insufferable

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have to just let him fail and see what happens. None of these things are that serious.

OP again. I know I sound defensive, but I honestly want advice even if it's harsh. It's been a year since he left his job.

Forms aren't filled out. Permissions slips aren't signed. Kids get to school without lunch. Is the solution that I shouldn't care if DD sits at school and misses a field trip she has been talking about for a week because the permission slip wasn't signed? The lack of warm clothes is one of many, daily issues. And, FWIW, DH came back and said the trip was rather unpleasant because of it, and DS has a cold.

DH is a good dad and loves his kids. But we are in a constant state of chaos, because everything is haphazard and last minute. My kids are complaining to me that they are tired of pizza! I'm willing to hire help.

I don't care if DH spends his days mountain biking and doing whatever he wants, he's earned it. But I can't do it all anymore. Most mornings I'm washing dishes at 5am, because I am up then to prep for calls to Europe and things are piled up everywhere so much I can't even stand to be in the kitchen. He wasn't like this before we had kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom and the default parent. I have forgotten jackets, water bottles, snacks, sunscreen, etc in my many years of parenting. It happens. I would not text my husband and alert him to my failure. That was your husband's mistake. The kid is alive and probably having a great time. Some mom packed too much and your kid is now wearing the extra jacket. Relax and give your husband -who is on a weekend camping trip with your kid that he packed for - a break.

DH found some reception and actually called me, so I know that DS is fine. He is using DH's long sleeved clothes.

The reason this situation is so irritating to me, though, is that DH and I both take outdoor activities and wilderness safety very seriously. Pre-kids, we were avid backpackers, climbers, and even mountaineers. He took a gap semester in college to do an international NOLS trip, and he was a camp counselor. I've been certified as a W-EMT. For ourselves, we both take things like the 10 essentials (which include extra warm clothes) very seriously. Our kids are in Scouts, partially to help reinforce these things. Even for day trips, we pack these things to build good habits.

For sure DH would never leave extra layers out of his own pack for a camping trip. The fact that he allowed DS to do so just demonstrates how little responsibility he feels for ensuring DS learns these lessons.

I get it, OP. He isn’t going into this naively as a first time outdoors dad. So by not having what he needed he’s actively choosing not to use his mental energy and the skills and knowledge he actually has to do this task. It’s gross.

I'm so glad I'm not friends with women like you.