Anonymous
09/15/2025 19:19
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In my lower Westchester town, before school care starts at 7:30 and after school lasts until 6. Plenty of homes are walking distance to the train station (mine included) and the express is 30 minutes to Grand Central. My office is another 15 minutes on the subway. Counting walking, etc., the commute is just under an hour. We have tons of space and the schools are free and excellent.
My sister lives in Brooklyn D15, and her kids also go to an excellent free school. She has less space than we do but is still comfortable, and her commute is shorter by about 20 minutes.
There are a lot of different ways to do this, but you need to familiarize yourself with the many good public schools in NYC and the surrounding area!
I’m the pp who lives in westchester. 7:30-6pm is a REALLY long day for kids to be in before care, school and aftercare. And don’t they age out of before/after care once they hit middle school - then what? Kids need an adult around, don’t they? Asking, not judging - my kids are younger than yours and I’m trying to sort out my own RTO demands. Working in thr city feels really undoable if you want quantity of time with your kids
You need a nanny or stay at home parent. My spouse does a 60-90 minute drive commute each way from VA to MD and its sole sucking. One accident can set you back hours and its the only in/out. They cannot switch jobs and moving is financially not worth it but if I was moving I'd go closer to work.
We have a sitter and a wfh parent and some days we struggle.
If you have a sitter and a wfh parent, then you have a problem. This makes no sense when there are two available adults and your sitter handles most things.
WFH parent is still working from 8-5.
We don’t waste tax payers money like your friends do.
Tax payer money has nothing to do with wfh but they can manage just fine with a wfh parent and babysitter. This is bizzare.
You assuming that wfh means you can just vamoose half way through the day and pick kids up or deal with them is why employers are forcing us back to the office. Wfh is still often back to back work
WFH has increased communication overhead so it’s often harder in some way.
Def not meant for the adult to deal with child care.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 18:49
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:I would send them to a city public. I went to a rough high school and it was an... experience. I definitely feel like it's been part of my identity. Aren't there a lot of high schools in NYC that you can test into/magnets?
New Yorker here. So many options.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 18:48
Subject: Re:Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The people who are suggesting NY publics likely have lower standards. NYC has terrible public schools. There are some decent schools but few and far between and it’s not like the burbs where you can enroll and send your kid through K-12 to good schools. Everyone I know using a NYC public is playing some insane lottery or magnet game and still renting.
JFC. No it does not have uniformly terrible public schools. There are certainly some terrible ones, many decent ones, and some very good ones.
It does have pretty bad public schools compared to most other places. There are maybe 10 really good middle schools total of which a chunk are test in and the rest are lottery, and about 5 really good high schools that are also test in. Given it’s the largest city in the us that’s wild. It’s why the taxes in many areas are so low
You are insanely misinformed. There are a handful of NYC public schools that people know because they are famous, but there are tons of decent options, including parochial schools that are more modest in price. If you are a MC or UMC parent who makes an effort, there are so many good options for your dc where they will have opportunities that can’t be replicated in the suburbs.
Taxes are low for RE in NYC bc of how coops (what most people live in) are classified and taxed (which was to protect renters initially) but also bc NYC has a much more robust tax base, while a suburb basically depends almost entirely on real estate property taxes.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 18:37
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:There are so many excellent public schools in NYC that I’m scratching my head why you wouldn’t just rent a comfortable apartment and skip the private schools.
Really? Pretty much every family I know made a decision similar to OP’s. It’s expensive prices or bad publics.
It’s why people move to the burbs.
Those are suburban people you know. I know many people who stayed in NYC. There are so many good school options in NYC and you’re not stuck in zones after elementary and even in elementary there are other options. Anyone saying the schools are bad is extremely unfamiliar with the city.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 18:33
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:1. Live in a 1000 square foot apartment and send my kids to $65k per kid per year privates (bad public options where we live) so that I can commute into an office and spend most of my time on teams calls but still keep my commute to 30 mins and make it home by 6.30 and save a small amount each year
2. Live in a larger apartment/ house, send my kids to $65k per year privates (same issue as above) and commute just under an hour to work where I am in teams calls 80% of the time with colleagues across the country and save a small amount each year
3. Move to the suburbs and spend no money on school, more money on taxes, have a larger home, but commute 3 hours a day 3-4 times a week so that I can be in person in an office where i am on teams calls. Save more each year but potentially quit and burn out because I am bad at making peace with substantial inconvenience.
in a world where no option is perfect, what is the option?
1. There are always good publics. You just have work the system. Everyone figures it out. If you had to, you’d do private for a year and then switch.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 17:54
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would send them to a city public. I went to a rough high school and it was an... experience. I definitely feel like it's been part of my identity. Aren't there a lot of high schools in NYC that you can test into/magnets?
Op - there are 5 but they are suuuuper competitive (Stuyvesant/ Brooklyn tech/ Bronx science etc). I don’t know that those are in the cards for my kids
Your kid has a better chance at a top college if they go to a lower ranked, inner city school. It will build character.
op - uhhhhh noooo....
stuyvesant/ top privates send 20-40%+ kids to ivies. That's compared to around maybe 3% for average NYC public, if that.
If you put a Stuyvesant kid in an inner city school, they would still shine.
And I doubt 3% of NYC public kids are going to Ivys. That's a very high number!
Anonymous
09/15/2025 15:32
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would send them to a city public. I went to a rough high school and it was an... experience. I definitely feel like it's been part of my identity. Aren't there a lot of high schools in NYC that you can test into/magnets?
Op - there are 5 but they are suuuuper competitive (Stuyvesant/ Brooklyn tech/ Bronx science etc). I don’t know that those are in the cards for my kids
Your kid has a better chance at a top college if they go to a lower ranked, inner city school. It will build character.
op - uhhhhh noooo....
stuyvesant/ top privates send 20-40%+ kids to ivies. That's compared to around maybe 3% for average NYC public, if that.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 13:03
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would send them to a city public. I went to a rough high school and it was an... experience. I definitely feel like it's been part of my identity. Aren't there a lot of high schools in NYC that you can test into/magnets?
Op - there are 5 but they are suuuuper competitive (Stuyvesant/ Brooklyn tech/ Bronx science etc). I don’t know that those are in the cards for my kids
Your kid has a better chance at a top college if they go to a lower ranked, inner city school. It will build character.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 11:57
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Look for a new job.
Look outside the city for areas that have shorter commutes. CT or NJ.
Friends moved from Brooklyn to Princeton NJ and commute 3x a week into the city. The woman who is the breadwinner gets up and takes an early train so the total commute is a little over an hour. Public schools in Princeton let you drop off at 8 am and they have good after school programs.
I will pick up her kid from afterschool if she has to work late in the city or her husband is MIA. People help each other and it’s not a problem.
I know people who did this in CT or a suburb closer to NYC in NJ.
Honestly I would just look for a new role and see what happens. That cost for private is insane!
I grew up in Princeton and can't possibly believe it's an hour for her door to door. Drive/walk to local train station, then get out at Penn station and transfer to subway or can to get to Brooklyn. It's doable but rough.
Anonymous
09/15/2025 11:46
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:I would send them to a city public. I went to a rough high school and it was an... experience. I definitely feel like it's been part of my identity. Aren't there a lot of high schools in NYC that you can test into/magnets?
Op - there are 5 but they are suuuuper competitive (Stuyvesant/ Brooklyn tech/ Bronx science etc). I don’t know that those are in the cards for my kids
Anonymous
09/15/2025 11:45
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Why doent hubby stay home with kids
Op - even if he did (which isn’t really an option in nyc unless one parent hits a really high comp number) I would still want to see them and be able to go to school events etc
Anonymous
09/15/2025 10:56
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Why doent hubby stay home with kids
Anonymous
09/15/2025 10:44
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
I would send them to a city public. I went to a rough high school and it was an... experience. I definitely feel like it's been part of my identity. Aren't there a lot of high schools in NYC that you can test into/magnets?
Anonymous
09/15/2025 09:12
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In my lower Westchester town, before school care starts at 7:30 and after school lasts until 6. Plenty of homes are walking distance to the train station (mine included) and the express is 30 minutes to Grand Central. My office is another 15 minutes on the subway. Counting walking, etc., the commute is just under an hour. We have tons of space and the schools are free and excellent.
My sister lives in Brooklyn D15, and her kids also go to an excellent free school. She has less space than we do but is still comfortable, and her commute is shorter by about 20 minutes.
There are a lot of different ways to do this, but you need to familiarize yourself with the many good public schools in NYC and the surrounding area!
I’m the pp who lives in westchester. 7:30-6pm is a REALLY long day for kids to be in before care, school and aftercare. And don’t they age out of before/after care once they hit middle school - then what? Kids need an adult around, don’t they? Asking, not judging - my kids are younger than yours and I’m trying to sort out my own RTO demands. Working in thr city feels really undoable if you want quantity of time with your kids
I’m the other Westchester PP. Spouse and I each do 2 days a week in office and alternate days. So one of us always does dropoff at regular time (no before care) and we pick up from aftercare at 5:30 most days. But we know people who do 7:30-6 daily. And a lot of families with nannies.
I think 2 days is about the limit if both parents woh for the suburbs. Any more and it becomes really tricky
Anonymous
09/15/2025 07:37
Subject: Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:In my lower Westchester town, before school care starts at 7:30 and after school lasts until 6. Plenty of homes are walking distance to the train station (mine included) and the express is 30 minutes to Grand Central. My office is another 15 minutes on the subway. Counting walking, etc., the commute is just under an hour. We have tons of space and the schools are free and excellent.
My sister lives in Brooklyn D15, and her kids also go to an excellent free school. She has less space than we do but is still comfortable, and her commute is shorter by about 20 minutes.
There are a lot of different ways to do this, but you need to familiarize yourself with the many good public schools in NYC and the surrounding area!
I’m the pp who lives in westchester. 7:30-6pm is a REALLY long day for kids to be in before care, school and aftercare. And don’t they age out of before/after care once they hit middle school - then what? Kids need an adult around, don’t they? Asking, not judging - my kids are younger than yours and I’m trying to sort out my own RTO demands. Working in thr city feels really undoable if you want quantity of time with your kids
You need a nanny or stay at home parent. My spouse does a 60-90 minute drive commute each way from VA to MD and its sole sucking. One accident can set you back hours and its the only in/out. They cannot switch jobs and moving is financially not worth it but if I was moving I'd go closer to work.
We have a sitter and a wfh parent and some days we struggle.
If you have a sitter and a wfh parent, then you have a problem. This makes no sense when there are two available adults and your sitter handles most things.
WFH parent is still working from 8-5.
We don’t waste tax payers money like your friends do.
Tax payer money has nothing to do with wfh but they can manage just fine with a wfh parent and babysitter. This is bizzare.
You assuming that wfh means you can just vamoose half way through the day and pick kids up or deal with them is why employers are forcing us back to the office. Wfh is still often back to back work