Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Nope. Speaking as someone who is trying to get out of a long-term marriage to an alcoholic who refuses to admit he has an issue. This guy could be the greatest guy in the world, but alcoholism, including recovery, brings a whole lot of issues with it.

An alcoholic in denial is a totally different than an alcoholic in multiple years into recovery.

I’m sorry about your relationship.

1,000%.

In fact an alcoholic in recovery is absolutely preferable to me than someone who "doesnt have a problem" but regularly binge drinks in social or work settings and thinks they are totally normal/fine.

I'd much rather an alcoholic in recovery than someone who "pops a gummy" so they can sleep, fsck, or sit on their own sofa.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Nope. Speaking as someone who is trying to get out of a long-term marriage to an alcoholic who refuses to admit he has an issue. This guy could be the greatest guy in the world, but alcoholism, including recovery, brings a whole lot of issues with it.

An alcoholic in denial is a totally different than an alcoholic in multiple years into recovery.

I’m sorry about your relationship.

1,000%.

In fact an alcoholic in recovery is absolutely preferable to me than someone who "doesnt have a problem" but regularly binge drinks in social or work settings and thinks they are totally normal/fine.

1000%

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Nope. Speaking as someone who is trying to get out of a long-term marriage to an alcoholic who refuses to admit he has an issue. This guy could be the greatest guy in the world, but alcoholism, including recovery, brings a whole lot of issues with it.

An alcoholic in denial is a totally different than an alcoholic in multiple years into recovery.

I’m sorry about your relationship.

1,000%.

In fact an alcoholic in recovery is absolutely preferable to me than someone who "doesnt have a problem" but regularly binge drinks in social or work settings and thinks they are totally normal/fine.

I’m with a recovered (25+ years) alcoholic who regularly attends meetings has wonderful relationships with family including ex spouse and friends and children. He has a successful career and lots of interesting hobbies. He works very hard to stay on track. He does have a weakness for sweets and maybe channels a lot of his energy into one of his hobbies which occupies a lot of time. But if that’s the worst -I’ll take it. He’s kind and funny and lovable and i respect the work he has put into his recovery. But everyone is different. He has never relapsed. I am not sure how I would feel if he had multiple relapses. I guess I would be afraid if the next one is around the corner.

Yes. He's proven he can be sober for years and has changed his lifestyle to enable it. I know several people who were alcoholics in college and after and have completely stayed sober now for over 20 years (my friend group is all around 50 now).
Everything is a gamble - a friend is dealing w/ a dh who was never a partier, barely drank in college, was always laser focused on work and now in his 50s is dealing w/ alcoholism. He wasn't hiding it before, it really just began in his early 50s and no family history, so there's always a risk.

Anonymous wrote:No. Nope. Speaking as someone who is trying to get out of a long-term marriage to an alcoholic who refuses to admit he has an issue. This guy could be the greatest guy in the world, but alcoholism, including recovery, brings a whole lot of issues with it.

An alcoholic in denial is a totally different than an alcoholic in multiple years into recovery.

I’m sorry about your relationship.

No, speaking from experience.

Anonymous wrote:Nope

Maybe 10 years out of AA and no children involved ever.

+1 same.

Anonymous wrote:Most of you people are absolutely insane, if not downright cruel- even for DCUM standards.

If the personal with alcohol use disorder is in recovery (for 4 years apparently) and is otherwise a great partner...

Impossibly judgmental here.

You seem to be taking this very personally. Interesting.

Ew no.

Most of you people are absolutely insane, if not downright cruel- even for DCUM standards.

If the personal with alcohol use disorder is in recovery (for 4 years apparently) and is otherwise a great partner...

Impossibly judgmental here.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, because nobody is perfect and this person actually did something to change unlike all the people on here who judge people.

Addiction is a disease, just like any other disease. They didn't decide to be an alcoholic one day. If people actually learn about addiction and the disease they would probably not be so judgmental.

Pot meet kettle. I am not dating an alcoholic, recovering or otherwise. I would never do that to my future children.

No. I am the child of an alcoholic albeit one who hasn't had a drink in 40 years. I would never date or marry an alcoholic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, speaking from experience.

But, you do you, OP. The share of misery in your destiny will find you in one way or the other.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, because nobody is perfect and this person actually did something to change unlike all the people on here who judge people.

Addiction is a disease, just like any other disease. They didn't decide to be an alcoholic one day. If people actually learn about addiction and the disease they would probably not be so judgmental.

Interesting use of the word "judgmental" while judging others for drawing the line on what they can endure while in a relationship with an alcoholic.