Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

First, 52 isn't too late. Second, you learned a ton of skills re: managing people, situations, etc., in those crazy years -- all which will be useful to you now in your career. Look at all of this in a positive light instead of a negative one, because it is a positive one.

Anonymous wrote:You dedicated your hours, days, years to raising successful children. That's not a waste of time, it's to be commended. It it tiring and expensive, but you make the choice to raise kids and that's not without its costs. Applaud yourself for your efforts then set some goals for your reclaimed time.

Anonymous wrote:My kids are now nearly all independent, my oldest is at college; my youngest is in middle school and suddenly I don’t have to rush home for pickup and after school activities except for days when I’m the carpool.

They help with dinner; they do laundry, the whole household load finally feels manageable.

I still want to be home for dinner at 530, leaving at 5 is a firm deadline.

But my own life of hobbies, maybe investing more in my career by going to networking events, working late when needed, putting in the hours seems possible.

But I’m 52. It feels too late. I feel like my life from 28 till now has been a constant juggle and rush to put in the bare minimum at work to not lose my job, rush home for daycare or school pickup and kid activities, short-order cook a dinner, help with homework, tackle cleaning and chores, maybe do 20 minutes of a YouTube HIIT workout and crash to bed.

That has been every day for both of us for our kids entire childhood. We aren’t in high paying fields so can’t hire out for a nanny or cleaners, and our commutes are both about 45 min (we both work downtown).

Can anyone commiserate? I’m suddenly old, and realize all I’ve done for 20 years is tread water.

Anonymous wrote:You built this life no?

First bad choice - How many kids did you have, three? 52 With a middle schooler? We'll have both kids in college when we are 50 (me) and 48 (husband)

Decided to live in a high cost of living area eith low/mid range salaries so you have long commutes and can't pay for cleaners/nannies/etc. - also a choice.

Married a low earner, and aren't a high earner yourself. Assuming you were both college educated, so yep, you chose majors poorly - also a choice

You could choose a different life for yourself now, but odds are you are so knee deep in the muck that you may as well get comfortable. Go buy some stretchy pants and eat a bag of chips.

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you're describing is life. And you're not special. You're living an honorable life but, like everyone else, not particularly special

Anonymous wrote:You made a mistake staying in this area on two decent but not high earning salaries.

If you had moved you likely would have enjoyed more luxuries or you may have been able to not work at all.

But perhaps now you are living somewhere you really enjoy.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a few years ahead of you as my youngest is a sophomore in college. Set yourself up for an enjoyable last 10 plus career years. If that means one job move to provide a challenge or travel u couldn’t take on, do it. I took a new role the year my youngest got drivers license. I love the new challenge. In my case it was a lateral move re $ but I expect to be able to enjoy working longer rather than counting the days until retirement. Empty nesting is pretty awesome btw. You get to focus on yourself. Maybe it’s not a new job but meaningful volunteer work or satisfaction through a hobby. You got this!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why most people move near family when they have kids. Without a village it’s pretty hard. Why didn’t you move near one of your parents?

Some people's parents live in the middle of nowhere with no jobs in sight. Some people's parents actively do not want to help with grandkids. Some people's parents add to "the juggle" by becoming additional dependents with medical or mental health needs.

Most people's siblings are handling their own juggle and can't just help you with your kids.

Do you think everyone has an Aunt Ida tucked away somewhere, widowed, not kids, excited to help you with the school run and watch the kids on the weekend while you go to Zumba or take a painting class?