I enable my kids in all the small ways. Mainly Stuff that does not have a steep learning curve, if they have to do it. If they are in a bind, they will be able to do these chores. But, if they do not know Calc or organic chemistry, they cannot do it on their own.

I will not be hiring essay writers, SAT coaches, college consultants, fake foundation website makers and admin team. I will not get them internships, or jobs.

But providing them maid service - I am all in. In return, I want high achieving kids. Straight As in HS and college, acing SAT/AP/PSAT etc, internships in all years, job offers, solid careers.

I don’t even think about it. I will do all laundry and all packing. End of story.

Anonymous wrote:My DC is due at college on Wednesday. We leave 9am that morning. So far no progress towards packing. Room is a disaster, to-do and to-buy lists are a mile long. DC just keeps scheduling one million good-bye social things, exercising twice a day, etc. It's all avoidant behavior but this is driving me insane. I swear that I am not pulling an all-nighter tomorrow night. They'll go to college with the clothes on their back if it comes to it. Anyone relate?

Any updates, OP?

This too shall pass. One of my kids procrastinated on packing. Had organizational issues. I made the dorm list, bought what would be needed (not my first kid), and I packed his clothes morning of departure in a hurry. It was fine. He later moved out of his dorm by himself, which was a challenge, but ended up doing a decent job in spite of the fact that he also left that to the last minute. Had to uber to storage by himself. For all of his issues, I was so proud of him.

Anonymous wrote:Wait until they're heading *back* to college after a break or the summer. My DC is going back tomorrow as a senior and she's been packing her car all day. So excited and raring to go!

+100
This is so true. The mark of an excellent college experience is how excited the student is to return.

Anonymous wrote:My kids started packing the day before college move-in drive this year; as parent, I pre-ordered sheets, towels, etc., any supplies I needed to wash the days before; I also ordered basics -like a "shelfie", laundry cart, etc, shower caddy, online and packed into bags; my kid sorted through clothes/what personal items to bring literally the day before; I did not sweat it; helped out as far as having bags and functional items avaialble, but really can order anything later on Amazon! Good luck!

Entirely on my own since age 18. On athletic scholarship. I stuffed a duffle bag full of athletic gear and toothbrush and so on and hitched a ride with a local guy on the golf team to travel the 900 miles. I survived.

My daughter went to Michigan. She on her own packed early. We did budget for Meijer to lessen the amount of stuff we had to move. She was on a full academic ride so could be generous.

My other kid went to Princeton and not much space in the old rooms. She is a type A and packed early.

This reminds me that I was a lucky do very little parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is not packing at all. He said he will just buy clothes when he gets there…..left tonight with just his backpack…..oh well…

That must be a huge backpack.

He called me to tell me he spent the morning shopping for clothings….

My kids started packing the day before college move-in drive this year; as parent, I pre-ordered sheets, towels, etc., any supplies I needed to wash the days before; I also ordered basics -like a "shelfie", laundry cart, etc, shower caddy, online and packed into bags; my kid sorted through clothes/what personal items to bring literally the day before; I did not sweat it; helped out as far as having bags and functional items avaialble, but really can order anything later on Amazon! Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got to help them pack. Nothing wrong in doing some of that for them. I don't get this attitude of telling them to pack and expect them to manage it all. It's not going to make them slackers in life if you help out. We've done it, and just two weeks back did another moving help. Our senior is well equipped to handle the world who can manage everything, and doing it now. But sometimes is not best organized about packing or moving, that is the small stuff, help out if you can and it will go better for all.

Stop coddling them.

The first PP's post was full of wisdom and this is the drivel you're responding with? We know better than you. Our kids are functional and none the worse for having received help.

If you knew better your adult son or daughter wouldn’t be acting like an incompetent toddler.

"Why don't the kids ever call or visit?"

~You, after your adult children finally process what kind of childhood they had.

They call me 4-7 times a week, they call their father 1-2 times a week because he works more, and they even call their grandparents once a week. And they packed 95%+ of their own items every year of college. What’s your point?

A college kid calling home multiple times a week? They sound emotionally stunted, like they can't manage on their own. Why did you raise them that way? I'm super thankful that thanks to my great parenting my child is emotionally mature enough to have an established social life and support system in place at college rather than having to constantly check in with me like an incompetent toddler.

See how you sound, PP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I gave up. Packed the really critical items and told him to figure the rest out with Amazon Prime or local shops when he gets there. Best strategy anyway since he’s going out of state. He’ll have plenty of maturing experiences in college- I decided not to spend his last week at home arguing about packing.

👆👆👆👆 Good job.

Good Lord,
Talk about raising an entitled kid. Go ahead and just “shop your way out of your lack of responsible behavior”.

DP, but don't most of us shop for many of the dorm necessities from Amazon or local shops anyway? Personally I'd prefer be more prepared, but I don't see too much of an issue (beyond unnecessary stress/procrastination) doing the same shopping at school vs at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I gave up. Packed the really critical items and told him to figure the rest out with Amazon Prime or local shops when he gets there. Best strategy anyway since he’s going out of state. He’ll have plenty of maturing experiences in college- I decided not to spend his last week at home arguing about packing.

👆👆👆👆 Good job.

Good Lord,
Talk about raising an entitled kid. Go ahead and just “shop your way out of your lack of responsible behavior”.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I gave up. Packed the really critical items and told him to figure the rest out with Amazon Prime or local shops when he gets there. Best strategy anyway since he’s going out of state. He’ll have plenty of maturing experiences in college- I decided not to spend his last week at home arguing about packing.

👆👆👆👆 Good job.

Just got the frantic call from spouse that move-in day is in one week and DD has done "nothing." To my eye she's done plenty - has bedding, towels, lamps/chargers/physical items boxed and sorted in a closet solely designated for college dorm items. Kid's been working doubles all week because much of her summer job staff has left for school already. I think she's killing it, worried only that she's pushing too hard.

To spouse's eye, she hasn't sorted all her clothes by season or framed any photos to decorate the dorm. We do see things differently, but it's an emotional time.

We waited until Amazon prime delivery date (2 day delivery) deadline. Ordered pretty much everything we need and it was delivered the day before we head out and some even on that day.

If there's a mental or emotional block, I absolutely help my kids get past it. Fully competent adults need that help too!

If the kid is too busy socially, I might let them prioritize that at this point in their lives - the transition away from everything they've known to something completely unknown is BIG - but I might have them dedicate some time on their schedule to making decisions. Buying things after getting to campus is fraught because usually the area stores are stripped bare - not a great idea to count on stuff being available. And if we pack the night before, we pack the night before - as long as whoever is driving can get a good nights sleep. If they can't make decisions, then they get what they get from me making them - and that's understood between us.

My DD was a freshman last year, and she had a lot of anxious energy she poured into packing - and so we didn't have the problem of procrastination. We had the problem of obsessing over every little decision being the "right" one. . .so it was a lot of talking through tiny decisions (like what color towel to bring, and how many towels to bring). It was exhausting. It was the summer of packing. Then at the last minute she practically froze and couldn't face boxing it all up and loading the car. This summer - not so much! She understands the color and quantity of the towels won't really matter, she knows what she actually needs, she wants to make the things she already has work over buying anything new, she's excited to go back. . .it's a growth process, and every kid moves through it differently.

Something I've observed over the years is that the parents that crow about how independent their kids are - "make their own lunch in middle school", "know better than to ask for help / a ride / something to be brought to school" (etc) - have no idea how dependent their kid is on their friends with parents who are willing to help. Their kid gets rides from me (because I'm willing to drive my kid), their kid eats part of my kid's lunch (because I make sure my kid has a lunch). Part of that is because my kid is willing to help their friend!! It's not often returned either - for them helping was not learned at home. There is a difference between helping and coddling.

Yes, I gave up. Packed the really critical items and told him to figure the rest out with Amazon Prime or local shops when he gets there. Best strategy anyway since he’s going out of state. He’ll have plenty of maturing experiences in college- I decided not to spend his last week at home arguing about packing.