If you know you’ll be leaving them an inheritance, this is a way of giving them some of that inheritance sooner. If they make six-figure salaries and you think it’s better for them to pay their own way, that’s different than if they make $50k/year.

I would offer to pay.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't pay for a destination wedding. Likely only if their sibling was getting married. And then I'd think it was a fail that they chose a destination wedding.

I would pay for my AC's to attend a family member's destination wedding if they wanted to and if I could easily afford it. For me it is a time to make memories and I expect that other members of the extended family members would also be there. Lovely chance to catch up.

For my own kids - would I pay for their destination wedding? Yes. Would I pay for their siblings to attend their destination wedding? Yes. Would I pay for my close relatives (20 odd people) to attend the destination wedding of my children? Yes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

My kids would never ask, even though their income is a fraction of ours.

We'd offer to pay.

I’d never ask, my parents are too selfish to pay for even a bottle of water despite having plenty of money. I couldn’t afford that in my 20s and I’d just make up an excuse I could not get off work. I would pay for my kids and not think twice if I were going and even if i wasn’t.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't pay for a destination wedding. Likely only if their sibling was getting married. And then I'd think it was a fail that they chose a destination wedding.

I probably would not go but I might pay for my kids.

Anonymous wrote:I’d pay for my kids, especially if you’re also going to be there and will spend time with them.

If you opt not to pay, you can’t criticize them if they choose not to go.

This

Anonymous wrote:The responses to OP are wild.

OP, if your kids ask for help, help them. Otherwise I would assume they've got it handled.

If they want to go.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't pay for a destination wedding. Likely only if their sibling was getting married. And then I'd think it was a fail that they chose a destination wedding.

Controlling much? Why would it be a failure? That your adult kid envisions something different in life than you want?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is different but maybe still applicable. My BIL is terminally ill. He and my sister and their kids live 1500 miles away. Our kids are close but All my kids are adults and theirs are in college.
When he dies DH and I will attend the funeral. I will get a big Airbnb and any kid of mine can stay provided they purchase their own plane ticket. I’ll rent as many cars as needed.

That is fine as long as you don’t start hovering those who can’t attend. This is the key. Adults get to decide what they attend and where. It is none of your business if they choose not to attend.

Where in this thread has anyone stated "if I pay I get to decide where my adult kids come and go"? Nobody is doing that.

I think you don't have a healthy relationship with your kids (or your own parents). Our kids love to come visit/go on vacations with us. Who wouldnt' want a luxury trip to Europe for 10-15 days (all paid for)? If they want to come they can, if not, we will see them another time.

Anonymous wrote:In the abstract, I'm opposed to paying for a vacation for a kid in their late twenties. However, I'm close with my nieces and nephews, and there are only a few, so I imagine I'd pay for my kids to attend their destination wedding when the time comes. Spending money on quality family time and supporting my siblings, nieces, and nephews makes sense. I would never pay for my kids to do a friend trip, but for a family trip to support my nieces and nephews, yes.

Weird, if you have the finances, why are you "opposed" for paying for a vacation for a kid in their late 20s? I get if it's just for the kid, but if it's a family vacation, why not? We ensure we get quality family time (all of our kids live in separate cities) by including them (and paying for) a vacation or two each year. It's totally their choice to come or not. No strings attached. They always come because they enjoy spending time with us (their family) and their siblings (also family).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren't the kids already set up to do well financially at that age? I wouldn't even have to ask my kids if they have money. I would know that they do.
I set my kids up financially, but not like handing money, but to teach them to invest and be financially responsible with their own money since elementary shcool.
18 - year old just went to beach with his friends and saved up for it.
In late 20s, they will be treating me.

umm most 28-30 yo are just starting out, and might still be saving for a house, budgeting for one vacation a year, and might not have $3-4K in the budget for a destination wedding. Doesn't mean they are not doing well financially. If anything, the ones who say "no" might be the most fiscally soudn

Also, parents don’t get to tell grown children what luxuries to buy.

No they do not. This isn't about a parent telling their kids "you will pay for the luxury destination wedding yourself and you will attend", it's about the parent saying "hey if you want to attend cousin X's wedding, we'd love to help out and pay for your airfare and hotel"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it and they are starting out, why are you holding back? What lesson do you think you are sending?

This 1000%!

you are not "holding your kid back" if you pay for vacations. As long as the kid is financially sound (I'm not paying if they are not saving/living within their means)

A vacation is a luxury, not a need, and yes, destination weddings are luxuries.

I declined every one I was invited to until I could afford it, both time and money. I also declined childfree weddings when my kids were young and I didn’t have paid childcare available.

And that is your choice.

But if an adults parents can afford to pay for them to attend a family wedding (be it destination or not), why wouldn't they pay if the kid wants to attend and it's finance preventing it.

But then again, we pay to take our 20 somethings (and their SOs) on luxury vacations with us because they are family and we want to travel with them. Would our kids pay for it themselves, of course not they are in college and recently graduated. We have the money, why wouldn't we invite our kids to enjoy quality family time with us and their siblings?!?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is different but maybe still applicable. My BIL is terminally ill. He and my sister and their kids live 1500 miles away. Our kids are close but All my kids are adults and theirs are in college.
When he dies DH and I will attend the funeral. I will get a big Airbnb and any kid of mine can stay provided they purchase their own plane ticket. I’ll rent as many cars as needed.

That is fine as long as you don’t start hovering those who can’t attend. This is the key. Adults get to decide what they attend and where. It is none of your business if they choose not to attend.

I wouldn’t have an opinion on this. They’d just need to let me know so I can get a house that would fit all of us..

I wouldn't pay for a destination wedding. Likely only if their sibling was getting married. And then I'd think it was a fail that they chose a destination wedding.

Adults pay for themselves.