Anonymous
03/05/2026 05:43
Subject: Anxious generation in practice
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have a 6 year old who is naturally very independent. Here are some things we allow currently:
- Ride bike on our street and play basketball at the hoop down the street alone
- Pack lunch and snack (with some discussions of guidelines but not monitoring)
- Do other chores with guidelines but not monitoring (clear the table, take out trash, wipe toilet)
- Head to the neighborhood park ahead of us
- Getting allowance and spending it on his choice of items
- Get things from other grocery aisles
Starting this school year:
- Walk younger sibling to PK classroom (in the same building)
- Go into our local grocery store to buy something by on his own
ugh!
Why such a strong reaction to walking a younger sibling to their classroom?
Anonymous
03/04/2026 17:44
Subject: Re:Anxious generation in practice
Anonymous wrote:I send my child into the grocery store by himself. Not Walmart or other giant stores, but smaller local ones. We wrote a list together, and then I wait in the car while he shops from the list with cash. The cashier often asks “How old are you? Where is your parent?,” but only once has someone come out to the car and say I have to come inside to pay. Child is almost 9.
Waiting in the car is weird and kind of an artificial way to force independence. Why not go inside but let him find the items on the list?
Anonymous
03/04/2026 13:20
Subject: Anxious generation in practice
Anonymous wrote:How do you respond though when every other kid has a phone besides yours?
This is a real question. It's why the "wait 'til 8th" movement started a while back -- if all parents waited until 8th grade, then you don't wind up with this pressure to get kids phones just so they can have friends.
It does seem like at least in our neighborhood and parent circles, there's increased interest on avoiding smart phones until later, to keep kids off social media apps. So watches for upper elementary students and flip phones for middle school kids. This can actually promote the kind of independence people are talking about in the thread, because a kid who can text or call parents is more likely to be able to walk to and from school alone, get themselves to activities, etc. Now that pay phones are rare-to-nonexistent and stores and other people are more hostile to kids (and therefore less likely to help them or let them use a phone if they need one), it's hard to give kids more freedom without also giving them a phone.
I would love it if my DD never had an instagram or Facebook account. Or TikTok. Maybe that's unrealistic, but I think these apps are just toxic. People need to get back to making their circle of connections smaller, more meaningful, and IN PERSON.
Anonymous
03/04/2026 13:12
Subject: Re:Anxious generation in practice
Let him play out in the front yard without supervision. He does have to use a timer and come check-in. He can play in neighbors' yards without supervision. He can play basketball outside without supervision.
He walks to school from a certain point by himself. He walks back to that same point (about halfway) with other kids for dismissal.
In the morning, if he is hungry while I am getting his sister ready upstairs, he can heat up oatmeal or use the air fryer to make himself breakfast. He makes homemade whip cream every Sunday with pancakes using the Kitchen Aid. He can make himself anything in the kitchen but no stovetop without supervision. Mostly because he will wander off.
When we go in a store, if he knows where the item is, he can go and get it and come back solo. For example, he goes into the cooler at Costco to get berries and spinach.
He goes and turns the car on in the morning if its cold and he's in a hurry to get out the door. It gives him something to do.
He is expected to order for himself at restaurants. He will ring up groceries in self checkout and put in our loyalty number and pay. Basically from start to finish. We started when he was 4/5. He was one of the only kids the nurse had known who knew their parents number off the top of their head in K.
Just turned 8.
Unfortunately, our street doesnt have sidewalks and people park in the street limiting visibility. Not to mention speeding and people who watch their phones and not the road.
He walks to school from a certain point by himself. He walks back to that same point (about halfway) with other kids for dismissal.
In the morning, if he is hungry while I am getting his sister ready upstairs, he can heat up oatmeal or use the air fryer to make himself breakfast. He makes homemade whip cream every Sunday with pancakes using the Kitchen Aid. He can make himself anything in the kitchen but no stovetop without supervision. Mostly because he will wander off.
When we go in a store, if he knows where the item is, he can go and get it and come back solo. For example, he goes into the cooler at Costco to get berries and spinach.
He goes and turns the car on in the morning if its cold and he's in a hurry to get out the door. It gives him something to do.
He is expected to order for himself at restaurants. He will ring up groceries in self checkout and put in our loyalty number and pay. Basically from start to finish. We started when he was 4/5. He was one of the only kids the nurse had known who knew their parents number off the top of their head in K.
Just turned 8.
Unfortunately, our street doesnt have sidewalks and people park in the street limiting visibility. Not to mention speeding and people who watch their phones and not the road.
Anonymous
03/04/2026 11:36
Subject: Re:Anxious generation in practice
^Only a few items, like bread, milk, fruit, and a vegetable he picks. Not a huge weekly shopping list!
Anonymous
03/04/2026 11:35
Subject: Re:Anxious generation in practice
I send my child into the grocery store by himself. Not Walmart or other giant stores, but smaller local ones. We wrote a list together, and then I wait in the car while he shops from the list with cash. The cashier often asks “How old are you? Where is your parent?,” but only once has someone come out to the car and say I have to come inside to pay. Child is almost 9.
Anonymous
03/04/2026 07:53
Subject: Anxious generation in practice
How do you respond though when every other kid has a phone besides yours?
Anonymous
03/03/2026 20:12
Subject: Re:Anxious generation in practice
Anonymous wrote:I think there is a difference between raising independent children and non anxious children. A lot of the suggestions of having kids do a lot of things any themselves early on will give you independent kids. But will they be less anxious? I think that is unclear. I am worried some parenting techniques of pushing kids to do things and hard line punishment just make these kids not close to their families. I grew up in an immigrant community where no kid has much freedom to do anything and honestly we all turned out fine. The autonomy came during middle of high school maybe.
I really think the modern anxiety has much more to do with tech,social media, negative media, immersive video games than parenting techniques. Having the world at your (iPhone) fingertips can be extremely... debilitating and anxiety inducing.
I know this thread is old but I'm reading this book now. I think this post gets it right.
I was raised to be very independent and was forced to do a lot of things on my own from early ages. I am a very independent and self-reliant person.
I'm also super anxious. Also, to link to the book, I am addicted to my phone and social media makes me feel bad. I think that's what the book is about, more than it's about making 8 year olds order at Crumbl on their own.
Anonymous
08/20/2025 14:25
Subject: Anxious generation in practice
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I do appreciate this thread. This is something I am trying to work on.
I really struggle with allowing my children to wonder our suburban neighborhood (Vienna). It's my own paranoia but I have a very high level of anxiety about molesters or crazy people snatching one of them up. The incident at Fair Oaks mall didn't help ease my nerves.
I also live in Vienna. I’ve let my son free range here since 4th grade during the pandemic. I think it’s a very safe place and a good place to learn how to gain independence as a child. I hope you’re actively doing the work to gain control of your fears and anxiety related to this and let your child experience some freedom. There are a lot of good people here who will help a kiddo who needs it.
i'm way more afraid of cars (and kids on motorized bikes/scooters) hurting my 7 yo. Otherwise, yes, he could walk down the street to ask a friend to play outside and bike outside on his own way more than I let him.
Anonymous
08/20/2025 08:09
Subject: Anxious generation in practice
Anonymous wrote:I have a 6 year old who is naturally very independent. Here are some things we allow currently:
- Ride bike on our street and play basketball at the hoop down the street alone
- Pack lunch and snack (with some discussions of guidelines but not monitoring)
- Do other chores with guidelines but not monitoring (clear the table, take out trash, wipe toilet)
- Head to the neighborhood park ahead of us
- Getting allowance and spending it on his choice of items
- Get things from other grocery aisles
Starting this school year:
- Walk younger sibling to PK classroom (in the same building)
- Go into our local grocery store to buy something by on his own
ugh!
Anonymous
08/19/2025 19:56
Subject: Anxious generation in practice
I have a 6 year old who is naturally very independent. Here are some things we allow currently:
- Ride bike on our street and play basketball at the hoop down the street alone
- Pack lunch and snack (with some discussions of guidelines but not monitoring)
- Do other chores with guidelines but not monitoring (clear the table, take out trash, wipe toilet)
- Head to the neighborhood park ahead of us
- Getting allowance and spending it on his choice of items
- Get things from other grocery aisles
Starting this school year:
- Walk younger sibling to PK classroom (in the same building)
- Go into our local grocery store to buy something by on his own
- Ride bike on our street and play basketball at the hoop down the street alone
- Pack lunch and snack (with some discussions of guidelines but not monitoring)
- Do other chores with guidelines but not monitoring (clear the table, take out trash, wipe toilet)
- Head to the neighborhood park ahead of us
- Getting allowance and spending it on his choice of items
- Get things from other grocery aisles
Starting this school year:
- Walk younger sibling to PK classroom (in the same building)
- Go into our local grocery store to buy something by on his own
Anonymous
08/16/2025 00:31
Subject: Re:Anxious generation in practice
Anonymous wrote:I think there is a difference between raising independent children and non anxious children. A lot of the suggestions of having kids do a lot of things any themselves early on will give you independent kids. But will they be less anxious? I think that is unclear. I am worried some parenting techniques of pushing kids to do things and hard line punishment just make these kids not close to their families. I grew up in an immigrant community where no kid has much freedom to do anything and honestly we all turned out fine. The autonomy came during middle of high school maybe.
I really think the modern anxiety has much more to do with tech,social media, negative media, immersive video games than parenting techniques. Having the world at your (iPhone) fingertips can be extremely... debilitating and anxiety inducing.
Yes giving kids independence helps to alleviate anxiety because they learn that they can do things for themselves. They learn it’s OK to fail because you let them and that they can learn from their mistakes and do better next time.
Lots of anxiety is rooted in the unknown and unfamiliar. When things are exposed or show and kids see it’s not a big deal then they build confidence and not be afraid of the unknown. Everyone feels anxiety sometimes, it’s normal. Some kids don’t feel it much, other maybe more.
Now anxiety disorder is different. That is a chemical imbalance in the brain and kids can’t control that. So no matter what you do, what you teach your kids, what experiences they have, there is still a lot of anxiety. It can’t be overcome by experiences.
Anonymous
08/15/2025 13:49
Subject: Re:Anxious generation in practice
Anonymous wrote:I think there is a difference between raising independent children and non anxious children. A lot of the suggestions of having kids do a lot of things any themselves early on will give you independent kids. But will they be less anxious? I think that is unclear. I am worried some parenting techniques of pushing kids to do things and hard line punishment just make these kids not close to their families. I grew up in an immigrant community where no kid has much freedom to do anything and honestly we all turned out fine. The autonomy came during middle of high school maybe.
I really think the modern anxiety has much more to do with tech,social media, negative media, immersive video games than parenting techniques. Having the world at your (iPhone) fingertips can be extremely... debilitating and anxiety inducing.
Anonymous
08/15/2025 11:34
Subject: Anxious generation in practice
Anonymous wrote:I’m reading the book now and am also curious. I’m a bit of a helicopter parent and always nervous about things like child abductions. I have a 10 year old and a 4 year old.
This summer I started letting my 10 year old stay at the pool “by themself” (to hang out with their friends). But it’s enclosed and I do t have to worry about creepers snatching them.
I have anxiety letting my kids wonder around the neighborhood on their own. Really don’t want to do that.
You do realize that your kids are going to pick up on your anxiety and that it will blossom in them? Your attitude is doing them more harm than you realize.
Anonymous
08/15/2025 11:30
Subject: Re:Anxious generation in practice
I think there is a difference between raising independent children and non anxious children. A lot of the suggestions of having kids do a lot of things any themselves early on will give you independent kids. But will they be less anxious? I think that is unclear. I am worried some parenting techniques of pushing kids to do things and hard line punishment just make these kids not close to their families. I grew up in an immigrant community where no kid has much freedom to do anything and honestly we all turned out fine. The autonomy came during middle of high school maybe.
I really think the modern anxiety has much more to do with tech,social media, negative media, immersive video games than parenting techniques. Having the world at your (iPhone) fingertips can be extremely... debilitating and anxiety inducing.
I really think the modern anxiety has much more to do with tech,social media, negative media, immersive video games than parenting techniques. Having the world at your (iPhone) fingertips can be extremely... debilitating and anxiety inducing.