Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

Contractually isn’t but don’t be silly, was got DD to go to college. It’s DD’s.

DP Here. Certainly not. Not legally, not morally. I am paying cash for my kids' 90K a year colleges. I am not asking for reimbursement at any point. If ever I lose all my money when I'm old, then I trust my kids will not leave me out on the street, that's all. Same reasoning if there'd been a loan for their college. If I wanted my kids to reimburse me for a large sum of money, I would make them sign a contract, to put them in front of their responsibilities and create a written record no one can then conveniently "forget". My husband has done this with his relatives. This is how you help out financially without straining relationships. It saves everyone in the long run.

That being said, it sounds like OP's parent is not a good money manager, and that OP will have bigger problems on her hands than just trying to figure out this loan. Her parent might become entirely dependent on her at some point. Maybe it's better to look at the entire financial picture of the parent and determine what options are available. Bankruptcy does not cancel Parent Plus loans, BUT as a senior citizen, if she has a disability, there is an option. She can also ask for deferments or income-adjusted payment plans. There are several options to consider!

The WORST solution is to just blindly send her money. Please don't do that, OP. Double check everything and figure out your parent's options, in her bigger financial picture, before taking on this loan. Maybe she won't want to tell you how she's doing financially, and in that case, you tell her you can't help her. You need to use this leverage you have to help her help herself, before the rest of her finances come tumbling down as well and you're left to pick up an even bigger mess.

19k is day care and before and after care.

Check the loan. If it’s 100% in your mom’s name only. Then forget it. Let her default on it. Not your circus not your problem.

Let her sell her house and find someplace small and cheaper to live. Your first priority is your own family now. And 19k is money you use for your family.

If OP got a degree and only has to pay $19k, her parents did just fine. Can’t get even a CC degree for under $20k.

How much are the DH’s loans?

Anonymous wrote:You can refinance the loan in your name with a private lender. Hopefully with lower monthly payments.

I would suggest that the mom or dad can do the same. Or all three parties sit down together and contribute to pay the loan off as soon as possible.

If OP's HHI is decent and she is decent (...I mean look at the parents), then she can try and resolve it. It will require the kind of sacrifice that OP seems to be incapable of making. Already married, 2 kids, student loans etc - and she has no idea that this loan existed?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

+1
Especially, if the parent was stupid enough to take any loan from the "Parent Plus" plan. Before you start paying, find out whose name is on the actual loan. Do not rely entirely on the website to find this information. Call and get the copy of the paperwork. Do not go by getting just a text. Ask your mom for the entire paperwork. She could be also hoodwinking you. Also, talk to your dad about it and get the paperwork. No need to get angry. You need to protect yourself and your family and have a clear idea whose loan it was.

Also, if the loan is in your name and the interest rates are not great, find out if you can negotiate better terms, or borrow from another place with lower interest rates and then pay it off. Can you pay from a credit card that has good cashbacks or can earn you some benefits (like frequent flyer miles or points?)

Finally, do what you need to do to go on a strict budget and live below your means. If it means a drastic cut in your lifestyle - so be it. You also seem to be one hot mess with your personal finances. Please follow Dave Ramsey and get out of debt and your poverty. Don't become a sad American story. Do it for your kids.

Agree with the first two paragraphs but definitely not the last. Two working parents in the midst of daycare payments? Seriously? That's when middle class people are at their most stretched! I don't know anyone who isn't at that stage in their lives! You're living in a bubble if you think everyone has a magic pot of money to dip into when they're younger.

If this loan is not in her name, then OP had MUCH BETTER put money in her own kids' college account than pay off this parent loan.

Don't perpetuate the cycle. The key here is creating a financial plan for OP's parent, because I bet this goes way beyond this loan. The parent is probably going to depend on OP and family for the rest of her life. Paying back this loan is actually NOT the priority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

Contractually isn’t but don’t be silly, was got DD to go to college. It’s DD’s.

Nope. This is not OP's loan. OP's parents were at fault for having kids they could not afford. Kid did not ask to be born.

They could have sent OP to a cheaper college or had a very clear plan with OP about how the loan will be repayed. All of things evidently did not happen.

Usually, no child pays back their parents for their schooling, college etc.

You can refinance the loan in your name with a private lender. Hopefully with lower monthly payments.

Anonymous wrote:I will help pay but I do find it interesting that everyone feels like loans they take when their kids are 18 are ultimately their kid’s loans. I guess for me I’d never take on loans for my kids and expect them to pay them back. I wasn’t told when I was 18 that this would be the deal. I agree if that I knew this from the start but it feels a bit unfair to just expect this out of the blue.

I entirely agree with you. If it's not spelled out when the loan is signed, changing the plans afterward requires a lot more diplomatic communication than what your mother just did. But as someone else said, she's probably feeling overwhelmed and humiliated, and ultimately, even if the messaging is crap, the reality is that she can't pay.

What happens if no one pays this loan? What was your mother planning for her next decades? Does bankruptcy even matter to her financial plan? Was she going to go to a Medicaid home anyway?

I would tell her off for not warning you in advance, because right now you're in the midst of a lot of expenses.
And then I would see if the loan can be restructured in any way.

For future planning, this means your mother is also going to be dependent on you for all her end of life expenses. This is why it might not make sense to pay back any of this. She could just spend down her assets, declare bankruptcy and subside on your help, then go into a Medicaid home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

+1
Especially, if the parent was stupid enough to take any loan from the "Parent Plus" plan. Before you start paying, find out whose name is on the actual loan. Do not rely entirely on the website to find this information. Call and get the copy of the paperwork. Do not go by getting just a text. Ask your mom for the entire paperwork. She could be also hoodwinking you. Also, talk to your dad about it and get the paperwork. No need to get angry. You need to protect yourself and your family and have a clear idea whose loan it was.

Also, if the loan is in your name and the interest rates are not great, find out if you can negotiate better terms, or borrow from another place with lower interest rates and then pay it off. Can you pay from a credit card that has good cashbacks or can earn you some benefits (like frequent flyer miles or points?)

Finally, do what you need to do to go on a strict budget and live below your means. If it means a drastic cut in your lifestyle - so be it. You also seem to be one hot mess with your personal finances. Please follow Dave Ramsey and get out of debt and your poverty. Don't become a sad American story. Do it for your kids.

If you could go back in time, would you still have chosen the same college, had you known that you would someday have to pay off this loan? If you are happy with your college experience, that could be consolation for now having to pay for it.

You could have chosen a less expensive college so you wouldn’t have needed this loan money to pay for it. But then your experience might have been very different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a text from my mom out of the blue with the information to pay the remaining balance off of a loan she took out for my undergraduate education. Due to a divorce and bad financial decisions, she says that she can no longer pay it and now expects me to pay it since I’m starting a new job. I’m happy to help contribute but she expects me to pay starting next month and since she hasn’t made payments in a year - she’s not sure the full balance and says vaguely that she paid 1000k monthly at one point. I’m super upset that she sprung this up on me and she claims it’s always been the plan. Does anyone else think this is unreasonable? We have a decent HHI but two kids in daycare and my husband’s student loans.

That's your loan. Period.

Wrong. If op didn’t sign for it, it’s not their loan.

Contractually isn’t but don’t be silly, was got DD to go to college. It’s DD’s.

Anonymous wrote:I would be thrilled if all I had to pay was 19k on a college loan. You need to keep things in perspective and pay it.

$19K is nothing. I assumed you have hundreds of thousands at stake here.

I don't understand how you not know the amount borrowed for your college and why you assumed its none of your business.

Had your mother not taken out the loan, how would you have paid for college OP?

I would be thrilled if all I had to pay was 19k on a college loan. You need to keep things in perspective and pay it.