Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You show up, with a smile on your face. Or at least your husband shows up. How is this even a question?

No way! Four weeks to Australia plus being a rude jerk in demanding and pressuring people to go is a hard no! It honestly sounds like the BIL is getting off on how hard it is for everyone to attend. Oooh look at me Im getting my friends and family to drop everything for me! I’m getting them to spend sooo much money on me! Shocking that this creep has struggled to find a second wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn't snark about the cathedral, it would be easier to have sympathy.

I think the point about that is that if she wanted to have it in a cathedral, that implies that there would be a planning period and the date secured long enough in advance to give everybody ample notice of the date. And the sudden chain is because the other brother is going to be there, which honestly is kind of annoying for OP because it almost makes the wedding date a whim.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you didn't snark about the cathedral, it would be easier to have sympathy.

I only mentioned the cathedral because that seemed to signal that they wanted to hold a big, opulent event that would require lots of advance notice and planning. And we would have loved the run-up and the event itself. As it is, it now sounds like their wedding is going to be more low-key.

Thanks to your comments, I'm coming around to the view that he should go solo to his brother's wedding, to avoid any long-term resentment from them. Although I was included on the invitation, I'll still take my lovely children and brother to the restaurant and try to find a window for a repeat when everyone can be there - and be relaxed and happy - even though that's unlikely to be any time this year now.

I've never had an issue with DH's family before, but this has opened my eyes to some dynamics. Not least, the way the celebration plans for his wife (i.e. me) are dismissed. I also wonder whether BIL's fiancee's dreams of a cathedral wedding were similarly dismissed. I've in the past detected a hint of familial misogyny - not from DH - but the all-male environment when they're together can get a bit much.

Anonymous wrote:If you didn't snark about the cathedral, it would be easier to have sympathy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels a little extra to lock down a whole week to celebrate an adult's birthday

''

Yeah the "but we have other plans" parts feels stupid. What doesn't feel stupid is the expectation that people drop everything and have the $ to fly from the United States to Austrailia. Interestingly the latter two dont seem problematic to you. If the real reason is the other plans, I think that IS a problem but if you need to I'd hide behind the flying to Austrailia part.

I disagree. It sounds like the adult kids live further away and are flying in that weekend to OP and her husband. One adult kid is being deployed so they won’t see him frequently. They’ve booked flights, taken off for work etc. This 10000X tops a 50 year old sibling, announcing a second wedding four weeks away on the other side of the world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels a little extra to lock down a whole week to celebrate an adult's birthday

''

Yeah the "but we have other plans" parts feels stupid. What doesn't feel stupid is the expectation that people drop everything and have the $ to fly from the United States to Austrailia. Interestingly the latter two dont seem problematic to you. If the real reason is the other plans, I think that IS a problem but if you need to I'd hide behind the flying to Austrailia part.

Anonymous wrote:It feels a little extra to lock down a whole week to celebrate an adult's birthday

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son is in the military and posted overseas. I hope he will have a very safe and uneventful military career, but life is unpredictable, especially military life. No way would I give up the chance to see my child. But I would be clear that’s what I was doing. Instead of “I have dinner plans”, it would be “Larlo is in the military, stationed overseas, and there’s no telling when I might see him again, so I’m not going to give up this time.”

Where did OP say military? In my experience, the kind of visit back home that OP is describing (planned more than a month in advance, soon after the original travel orders) doesn't happen often in the military, so I was assuming some other job.

OP said, “As one of my children suddenly got a posting order overseas over that date”. That sounded like the military to me. Who else gives “orders” for “postings” overseas, especially on short notice? I think if he was in the private sector, OP might talk about transfers, relocations, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son is in the military and posted overseas. I hope he will have a very safe and uneventful military career, but life is unpredictable, especially military life. No way would I give up the chance to see my child. But I would be clear that’s what I was doing. Instead of “I have dinner plans”, it would be “Larlo is in the military, stationed overseas, and there’s no telling when I might see him again, so I’m not going to give up this time.”

Where did OP say military? In my experience, the kind of visit back home that OP is describing (planned more than a month in advance, soon after the original travel orders) doesn't happen often in the military, so I was assuming some other job.