Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is out west helping his wife move their father from her childhood home into a nursing home. She is also collecting her HS memorabilia that has been sitting there for 25 years. She found a photo album with the usual pics of prom, homecoming, beach week, etc.

There are, according to him, about 25 pictures of her with different guys. He jokingly asked if she'd slept with all of them. She got angry at the question but eventually admitted she had.

They have been married for 13 years and both shared their 'numbers' but he now realizes this is a complete lie. He is quite upset, really not so much about the number, but more that she's been lying for years and years. He feels like he doesn't really know here now.

Why would she lie about sex from HS?

Bro, tell your man to chill. "about 25 pictures" isn't 25, and you don't cite what he was told her "number" was for comparison, so it's entirely possible that she said something like "twentyish" and he wasn't lied to at all. It's also entirely possible that your unhinged-sounding brother not-so-jokingly accused her of being a "sloot", to which she responded, in kind, and with an eyeroll, "yeah, I slept with every single one of them".

Tell your brother to get to the meat of why he's really upset, and then go from there. If he's otherwise happy in his marriage, this should be resolvable. If he's been unhappy, well, doesn't this make a convenient thing to blow up a relationship over... Either way, your brother sounds combative and insecure, and accusing her of "lying" is a lot.

He also sounds misogynist, as does most of this thread. How were you raised, and what's your relationship with your mom like?

A+ on reading somethig and making up a completely different story based on ..... nothing. Any lady admitting she dropped on her back for double digits while a teen is a slut by any measure.

and you are objectively a misogynistic pig.

No. I love women. Just not ones that open their legs to everyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is out west helping his wife move their father from her childhood home into a nursing home. She is also collecting her HS memorabilia that has been sitting there for 25 years. She found a photo album with the usual pics of prom, homecoming, beach week, etc.

There are, according to him, about 25 pictures of her with different guys. He jokingly asked if she'd slept with all of them. She got angry at the question but eventually admitted she had.

They have been married for 13 years and both shared their 'numbers' but he now realizes this is a complete lie. He is quite upset, really not so much about the number, but more that she's been lying for years and years. He feels like he doesn't really know here now.

Why would she lie about sex from HS?

Bro, tell your man to chill. "about 25 pictures" isn't 25, and you don't cite what he was told her "number" was for comparison, so it's entirely possible that she said something like "twentyish" and he wasn't lied to at all. It's also entirely possible that your unhinged-sounding brother not-so-jokingly accused her of being a "sloot", to which she responded, in kind, and with an eyeroll, "yeah, I slept with every single one of them".

Tell your brother to get to the meat of why he's really upset, and then go from there. If he's otherwise happy in his marriage, this should be resolvable. If he's been unhappy, well, doesn't this make a convenient thing to blow up a relationship over... Either way, your brother sounds combative and insecure, and accusing her of "lying" is a lot.

He also sounds misogynist, as does most of this thread. How were you raised, and what's your relationship with your mom like?

A+ on reading somethig and making up a completely different story based on ..... nothing. Any lady admitting she dropped on her back for double digits while a teen is a slut by any measure.

and you are objectively a misogynistic pig.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is out west helping his wife move their father from her childhood home into a nursing home. She is also collecting her HS memorabilia that has been sitting there for 25 years. She found a photo album with the usual pics of prom, homecoming, beach week, etc.

There are, according to him, about 25 pictures of her with different guys. He jokingly asked if she'd slept with all of them. She got angry at the question but eventually admitted she had.

They have been married for 13 years and both shared their 'numbers' but he now realizes this is a complete lie. He is quite upset, really not so much about the number, but more that she's been lying for years and years. He feels like he doesn't really know here now.

Why would she lie about sex from HS?

Bro, tell your man to chill. "about 25 pictures" isn't 25, and you don't cite what he was told her "number" was for comparison, so it's entirely possible that she said something like "twentyish" and he wasn't lied to at all. It's also entirely possible that your unhinged-sounding brother not-so-jokingly accused her of being a "sloot", to which she responded, in kind, and with an eyeroll, "yeah, I slept with every single one of them".

Tell your brother to get to the meat of why he's really upset, and then go from there. If he's otherwise happy in his marriage, this should be resolvable. If he's been unhappy, well, doesn't this make a convenient thing to blow up a relationship over... Either way, your brother sounds combative and insecure, and accusing her of "lying" is a lot.

He also sounds misogynist, as does most of this thread. How were you raised, and what's your relationship with your mom like?

A+ on reading somethig and making up a completely different story based on ..... nothing. Any lady admitting she dropped on her back for double digits while a teen is a slut by any measure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is out west helping his wife move their father from her childhood home into a nursing home. She is also collecting her HS memorabilia that has been sitting there for 25 years. She found a photo album with the usual pics of prom, homecoming, beach week, etc.

There are, according to him, about 25 pictures of her with different guys. He jokingly asked if she'd slept with all of them. She got angry at the question but eventually admitted she had.

They have been married for 13 years and both shared their 'numbers' but he now realizes this is a complete lie. He is quite upset, really not so much about the number, but more that she's been lying for years and years. He feels like he doesn't really know here now.

Why would she lie about sex from HS?

Bro, tell your man to chill. "about 25 pictures" isn't 25, and you don't cite what he was told her "number" was for comparison, so it's entirely possible that she said something like "twentyish" and he wasn't lied to at all. It's also entirely possible that your unhinged-sounding brother not-so-jokingly accused her of being a "sloot", to which she responded, in kind, and with an eyeroll, "yeah, I slept with every single one of them".

Tell your brother to get to the meat of why he's really upset, and then go from there. If he's otherwise happy in his marriage, this should be resolvable. If he's been unhappy, well, doesn't this make a convenient thing to blow up a relationship over... Either way, your brother sounds combative and insecure, and accusing her of "lying" is a lot.

He also sounds misogynist, as does most of this thread. How were you raised, and what's your relationship with your mom like?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m assuming she would lie because of the kind of judgement women face for having a sex life? Just a shot in the dark.

There is 'having a sex life' and then there is 'sleeping with 25 people between the ages of 14 and 18.'

Most (men and women) would not consider them synonymous.

Having lots of sex partners before 18 is actually correlated to cheating later on in marriage. The younger sex starts even more so. So there’s that…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m assuming she would lie because of the kind of judgement women face for having a sex life? Just a shot in the dark.

There is 'having a sex life' and then there is 'sleeping with 25 people between the ages of 14 and 18.'

Most (men and women) would not consider them synonymous.

Anonymous wrote:My brother is out west helping his wife move their father from her childhood home into a nursing home. She is also collecting her HS memorabilia that has been sitting there for 25 years. She found a photo album with the usual pics of prom, homecoming, beach week, etc.

There are, according to him, about 25 pictures of her with different guys. He jokingly asked if she'd slept with all of them. She got angry at the question but eventually admitted she had.

They have been married for 13 years and both shared their 'numbers' but he now realizes this is a complete lie. He is quite upset, really not so much about the number, but more that she's been lying for years and years. He feels like he doesn't really know here now.

Why would she lie about sex from HS?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m assuming she would lie because of the kind of judgement women face for having a sex life? Just a shot in the dark.

There is 'having a sex life' and then there is 'sleeping with 25 people between the ages of 14 and 18.'

Most (men and women) would not consider them synonymous.

What's the difference?

You think there is none?

Did you buy your mattress at a second hand store?

You sleep in hotels. This is a nonsense comparison.

The difference between 'having a sex life' and some bullshit judgments about what is/isn't an appropriate sex life is some judgmental nonsense and cultural programming that wouldn't bat an eye at a man doing the same thing.

Unpack that instead of making ridiculous comparisons to used mattresses.

Not for you to shame someone for having preferences. The husband does not have a right to tell the wife what she should or should not have done in her life. He also has the right to marry whoever he wishes and she should not have lied about something that was important to him (for whatever reason).

While a bit of a digression, you often see these types of women who will do the dirtiest things in their sloot phase but decline to anything remotely dirty with the one they supposedly love.

Are you under the impression that a woman owes you something?

No, but the level of sexual attraction your potential spouse has for you has a lot of implications for how the relationship will function going forward. A man would be foolish to marry a woman who was a lot more attracted to prior lovers as this will play out negatively for that man over the course of a marriage in a host of ways, women in general know that men feel this way, and thus some make the strategic choice to be less than candid about this fact.

Sure, but that has NOTHING to do with "she did it with him so she owes me the same."

No, but it’s a reasonable thing to discuss. The answer might be: “I tried it and didn’t like it”; it might be “I was pressured into it”; but it also might be “Because I was more attracted to Larlo and was into it with him, but not with you.” Not, of course, that the woman would ever say that, but that’s the kind of information that is certainly relevant to how the marriage will go.

No, I don't think it's reasonable to ask or discuss how the sex occurred in previous relationships. Focus on communicating what you currently like, and don't worry about what she might have done with someone else.

Interesting. What other topics do you think are off limits in this manner, or is it merely a special rule for sex?

"Things that make me embarrassed and ashamed for my poor decisions."

HAHHAHAHAHA Are you under the impression that I'm embarrassed about my previous relationships or sexual encounters? No, idiot. I just don't think you need to know.

This just sounds super adversarial to me. I mean, why wouldn’t you expect your potential spouse to be curious about you? It would seem strange to me if they weren’t. “Need to know” is for spies and classified information, in my experience. But, i agree, it’s good to flesh out such differences in approach early in a relationship to assess compatibility.

+1.

"My spouse of 22 years doesn't know the name of any of my exes, my favorite ice cream or half my family. Why would they need to?"

I love when people play dumb on purpose. There is a huge difference between not knowing my ex's name and not knowing how I made him orgasm in bed. I'm sure you'd LOVE to know how much bigger and better he was, am I right?

What the actual F are you on about? You think making a man cum is magic?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m assuming she would lie because of the kind of judgement women face for having a sex life? Just a shot in the dark.

There is 'having a sex life' and then there is 'sleeping with 25 people between the ages of 14 and 18.'

Most (men and women) would not consider them synonymous.

What's the difference?

You think there is none?

Did you buy your mattress at a second hand store?

You sleep in hotels. This is a nonsense comparison.

The difference between 'having a sex life' and some bullshit judgments about what is/isn't an appropriate sex life is some judgmental nonsense and cultural programming that wouldn't bat an eye at a man doing the same thing.

Unpack that instead of making ridiculous comparisons to used mattresses.

Not for you to shame someone for having preferences. The husband does not have a right to tell the wife what she should or should not have done in her life. He also has the right to marry whoever he wishes and she should not have lied about something that was important to him (for whatever reason).

While a bit of a digression, you often see these types of women who will do the dirtiest things in their sloot phase but decline to anything remotely dirty with the one they supposedly love.

Are you under the impression that a woman owes you something?

No, but the level of sexual attraction your potential spouse has for you has a lot of implications for how the relationship will function going forward. A man would be foolish to marry a woman who was a lot more attracted to prior lovers as this will play out negatively for that man over the course of a marriage in a host of ways, women in general know that men feel this way, and thus some make the strategic choice to be less than candid about this fact.

Sure, but that has NOTHING to do with "she did it with him so she owes me the same."

No, but it’s a reasonable thing to discuss. The answer might be: “I tried it and didn’t like it”; it might be “I was pressured into it”; but it also might be “Because I was more attracted to Larlo and was into it with him, but not with you.” Not, of course, that the woman would ever say that, but that’s the kind of information that is certainly relevant to how the marriage will go.

No, I don't think it's reasonable to ask or discuss how the sex occurred in previous relationships. Focus on communicating what you currently like, and don't worry about what she might have done with someone else.

Interesting. What other topics do you think are off limits in this manner, or is it merely a special rule for sex?

"Things that make me embarrassed and ashamed for my poor decisions."

HAHHAHAHAHA Are you under the impression that I'm embarrassed about my previous relationships or sexual encounters? No, idiot. I just don't think you need to know.

This just sounds super adversarial to me. I mean, why wouldn’t you expect your potential spouse to be curious about you? It would seem strange to me if they weren’t. “Need to know” is for spies and classified information, in my experience. But, i agree, it’s good to flesh out such differences in approach early in a relationship to assess compatibility.

+1.

"My spouse of 22 years doesn't know the name of any of my exes, my favorite ice cream or half my family. Why would they need to?"

I love when people play dumb on purpose. There is a huge difference between not knowing my ex's name and not knowing how I made him orgasm in bed. I'm sure you'd LOVE to know how much bigger and better he was, am I right?

Anonymous wrote:If it's "really important to you" you need to say that, and explain why... so that women can dump your ass.

"Body count" as an indicator of value is misogynist on its face, "virgin culture" nonsense, and a massive red flag.

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m assuming she would lie because of the kind of judgement women face for having a sex life? Just a shot in the dark.

There is 'having a sex life' and then there is 'sleeping with 25 people between the ages of 14 and 18.'

Most (men and women) would not consider them synonymous.

What's the difference?

You think there is none?

Did you buy your mattress at a second hand store?

You sleep in hotels. This is a nonsense comparison.

The difference between 'having a sex life' and some bullshit judgments about what is/isn't an appropriate sex life is some judgmental nonsense and cultural programming that wouldn't bat an eye at a man doing the same thing.

Unpack that instead of making ridiculous comparisons to used mattresses.

Not for you to shame someone for having preferences. The husband does not have a right to tell the wife what she should or should not have done in her life. He also has the right to marry whoever he wishes and she should not have lied about something that was important to him (for whatever reason).

While a bit of a digression, you often see these types of women who will do the dirtiest things in their sloot phase but decline to anything remotely dirty with the one they supposedly love.

Are you under the impression that a woman owes you something?

No, but the level of sexual attraction your potential spouse has for you has a lot of implications for how the relationship will function going forward. A man would be foolish to marry a woman who was a lot more attracted to prior lovers as this will play out negatively for that man over the course of a marriage in a host of ways, women in general know that men feel this way, and thus some make the strategic choice to be less than candid about this fact.

Sure, but that has NOTHING to do with "she did it with him so she owes me the same."

No, but it’s a reasonable thing to discuss. The answer might be: “I tried it and didn’t like it”; it might be “I was pressured into it”; but it also might be “Because I was more attracted to Larlo and was into it with him, but not with you.” Not, of course, that the woman would ever say that, but that’s the kind of information that is certainly relevant to how the marriage will go.

No, I don't think it's reasonable to ask or discuss how the sex occurred in previous relationships. Focus on communicating what you currently like, and don't worry about what she might have done with someone else.

Interesting. What other topics do you think are off limits in this manner, or is it merely a special rule for sex?

"Things that make me embarrassed and ashamed for my poor decisions."

HAHHAHAHAHA Are you under the impression that I'm embarrassed about my previous relationships or sexual encounters? No, idiot. I just don't think you need to know.

This just sounds super adversarial to me. I mean, why wouldn’t you expect your potential spouse to be curious about you? It would seem strange to me if they weren’t. “Need to know” is for spies and classified information, in my experience. But, i agree, it’s good to flesh out such differences in approach early in a relationship to assess compatibility.

Because I consider the relationships and encounters I had in the past meaningful and I don't want to demean them or cheaper them so that you can feel like the big man on the block. Secure, mature men communicate what they like, what their expectations are without having to compare themselves to another man.

As I said, this sounds very adversarial. My DW and I talked about our past relationships in the course of getting to know each other and it didn’t demean or cheapen anything. And you don’t have to press for unseemly amounts of detail to get a general sense of someone’s experience and preferences. Just don’t see why that’s should be treated like a state secret, it seems like you are presuming a high level of bad faith about such discussions.