Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:45
Subject: Re:Parents out of money at 75
One lesson learned is that -
- everyone should try and become minimalist in their 60,
- pay attention to their health above all else,
- consolidate their wealth so that it is easy to manage,
- don't leave a hoard at home for kids to manage after you; don't leave behind tangled paperwork for the kids to manage; divide wealth equally if you want your children to like each other even after your death; plan for your retirement so that you do not run out of money, move in - smaller, more inexpensive digs or with your children to not have to run a household.
Children -
- when buying homes can you think how it can accomodate your parents or ILs in their old age?
- everyone should try and become minimalist in their 60,
- pay attention to their health above all else,
- consolidate their wealth so that it is easy to manage,
- don't leave a hoard at home for kids to manage after you; don't leave behind tangled paperwork for the kids to manage; divide wealth equally if you want your children to like each other even after your death; plan for your retirement so that you do not run out of money, move in - smaller, more inexpensive digs or with your children to not have to run a household.
Children -
- when buying homes can you think how it can accomodate your parents or ILs in their old age?
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:41
Subject: Re:Parents out of money at 75
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Another option which people around the world use -
Why not they sell the house and move in with you? Then invest the money smartly for them, so they are getting some returns.
You charge them a acceptable amount for room, board and other amenities (without being greedy), so that they can live with dignity and they also save money from their SS. The saved money will be used to get them the nursing care or hospice care that they need at the end of their life.
Take some of the money they pay to get cleaning service, lawn service and inhome care etc at home, so it is comfortable for all of you. Make sure that there is an equitable sharing of their wealth after their passing with your sibling and your sibling is looped into all the major decisions.
Most people don't have a house large enough for 2 additional adults.
Huh? Most people who own their own townhouse/house DO have an extra bedroom. Sure, it might be being used as a guest room or office, but they have one.
In my mind, it depends on how much care the parent needs. My grandma needed extensive help going to the bathroom and showering. She was maybe 200lbs and I'm small, it wasn't something I could have helped her with. I do hope to take my own parents in or even my inlaws. We shall see. My parents have basically devoted the last decade to my kids (of their own will, I don't ask for care).
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:39
Subject: Parents out of money at 75
Anonymous wrote:They won't be able to manage going forward. There will be other repairs, other things, other issues. They do not have enough money to live on.
Sell their house.
You can use the money to have them move in with you or buy a new place that affords everyone's privacy if your house isn't accommodating for that - and if it's not, go the new house route.
No, you aren't going to bill them. That makes little sense, and their house doesn't have enough equity to continue this sort of transaction going forward because there will be more issues.
If they are employable, they can get part time jobs. Other than that, no, you have to cover this bill and make arrangements for the future. Sorry, OP. It is what it is.
+1
Agree with this. You may have to buy a new house in a cheaper place with extra rooms to accommodate everyone. Sorry OP, what a mess.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:37
Subject: Re:Parents out of money at 75
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Another option which people around the world use -
Why not they sell the house and move in with you? Then invest the money smartly for them, so they are getting some returns.
You charge them a acceptable amount for room, board and other amenities (without being greedy), so that they can live with dignity and they also save money from their SS. The saved money will be used to get them the nursing care or hospice care that they need at the end of their life.
Take some of the money they pay to get cleaning service, lawn service and inhome care etc at home, so it is comfortable for all of you. Make sure that there is an equitable sharing of their wealth after their passing with your sibling and your sibling is looped into all the major decisions.
Most people don't have a house large enough for 2 additional adults.
Actually, most people in USA do. Most people in Tokyo, Hong Kong and NYC? No. I bet OP does have room in the basement. Or the 2 additional adults can just share one room.
The real issue is that kids and elderly are just the most resented members in ALL families ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
Fixed that for you. There are many foreigners on DCUM who can vouch for that universal truth
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:35
Subject: Re:Parents out of money at 75
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Another option which people around the world use -
Why not they sell the house and move in with you? Then invest the money smartly for them, so they are getting some returns.
You charge them a acceptable amount for room, board and other amenities (without being greedy), so that they can live with dignity and they also save money from their SS. The saved money will be used to get them the nursing care or hospice care that they need at the end of their life.
Take some of the money they pay to get cleaning service, lawn service and inhome care etc at home, so it is comfortable for all of you. Make sure that there is an equitable sharing of their wealth after their passing with your sibling and your sibling is looped into all the major decisions.
I am Chinese and there is no way I would live with my mom. She will take over the house. Fortunately I have enough money to buy them a separate apartment.
Oh, she and my brother were ready to send my dad to a nursing home after his hospital stay so don't tell me about non-americas being so great. I took my Dad in for 3 months till he was strong enough to return to their apartment.
There are trashy people in all cultures. It is just that some communities socialize you to take care of the kids and the elderly much more than American mainstream culture.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:35
Subject: Parents out of money at 75
Anonymous wrote:It might be time for them to sell their house and downsize to a small apartment without repair bills, depending on their spending habits.
This.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:34
Subject: Parents out of money at 75
They won't be able to manage going forward. There will be other repairs, other things, other issues. They do not have enough money to live on.
Sell their house.
You can use the money to have them move in with you or buy a new place that affords everyone's privacy if your house isn't accommodating for that- and if it's not, go the new house route.
No, you aren't going to bill them. That makes little sense, and their house doesn't have enough equity to continue this sort of transaction going forward because there will be more issues.
If they are employable, they can get part time jobs. Other than that, no, you have to cover this bill and make arrangements for the future. Sorry, OP. It is what it is.
Sell their house.
You can use the money to have them move in with you or buy a new place that affords everyone's privacy if your house isn't accommodating for that- and if it's not, go the new house route.
No, you aren't going to bill them. That makes little sense, and their house doesn't have enough equity to continue this sort of transaction going forward because there will be more issues.
If they are employable, they can get part time jobs. Other than that, no, you have to cover this bill and make arrangements for the future. Sorry, OP. It is what it is.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:31
Subject: Re:Parents out of money at 75
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Another option which people around the world use -
Why not they sell the house and move in with you? Then invest the money smartly for them, so they are getting some returns.
You charge them a acceptable amount for room, board and other amenities (without being greedy), so that they can live with dignity and they also save money from their SS. The saved money will be used to get them the nursing care or hospice care that they need at the end of their life.
Take some of the money they pay to get cleaning service, lawn service and inhome care etc at home, so it is comfortable for all of you. Make sure that there is an equitable sharing of their wealth after their passing with your sibling and your sibling is looped into all the major decisions.
Most people don't have a house large enough for 2 additional adults.
Actually, most people in USA do. Most people in Tokyo, Hong Kong and NYC? No. I bet OP does have room in the basement. Or the 2 additional adults can just share one room.
The real issue is that kids and elderly are just the most resented members in American families.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:24
Subject: Re:Parents out of money at 75
Anonymous wrote:I would sell the house and get them into a continuous care community near you, take the left-over money and put it in the bank/whatever a financial planner recommends.
Use the extra money for fun trips and save some for care when they are too told to care for themselves.
We did this for my mom and it was the best thing we did. Friends, no house to care for, activities, easily affordable.
Too young for CCRC. It's also very expensive. They won't be able to afford the buy in or monthly fees.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:17
Subject: Re:Parents out of money at 75
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Another option which people around the world use -
Why not they sell the house and move in with you? Then invest the money smartly for them, so they are getting some returns.
You charge them a acceptable amount for room, board and other amenities (without being greedy), so that they can live with dignity and they also save money from their SS. The saved money will be used to get them the nursing care or hospice care that they need at the end of their life.
Take some of the money they pay to get cleaning service, lawn service and inhome care etc at home, so it is comfortable for all of you. Make sure that there is an equitable sharing of their wealth after their passing with your sibling and your sibling is looped into all the major decisions.
I am Chinese and there is no way I would live with my mom. She will take over the house. Fortunately I have enough money to buy them a separate apartment.
Oh, she and my brother were ready to send my dad to a nursing home after his hospital stay so don't tell me about non-americas being so great. I took my Dad in for 3 months till he was strong enough to return to their apartment.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:11
Subject: Re:Parents out of money at 75
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Another option which people around the world use -
Why not they sell the house and move in with you? Then invest the money smartly for them, so they are getting some returns.
You charge them a acceptable amount for room, board and other amenities (without being greedy), so that they can live with dignity and they also save money from their SS. The saved money will be used to get them the nursing care or hospice care that they need at the end of their life.
Take some of the money they pay to get cleaning service, lawn service and inhome care etc at home, so it is comfortable for all of you. Make sure that there is an equitable sharing of their wealth after their passing with your sibling and your sibling is looped into all the major decisions.
I am Chinese and there is no way I would live with my mom. She will take over the house. Fortunately I have enough money to buy them a separate apartment.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:02
Subject: Re:Parents out of money at 75
Anonymous wrote:Another option which people around the world use -
Why not they sell the house and move in with you? Then invest the money smartly for them, so they are getting some returns.
You charge them a acceptable amount for room, board and other amenities (without being greedy), so that they can live with dignity and they also save money from their SS. The saved money will be used to get them the nursing care or hospice care that they need at the end of their life.
Take some of the money they pay to get cleaning service, lawn service and inhome care etc at home, so it is comfortable for all of you. Make sure that there is an equitable sharing of their wealth after their passing with your sibling and your sibling is looped into all the major decisions.
Most people don't have a house large enough for 2 additional adults.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:00
Subject: Parents out of money at 75
Are you the only heir, if not I think it is reasonable that any money you given be paid back if they don’t fully exhaust home equity while they are alive.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 16:00
Subject: Parents out of money at 75
My concern would be that no matter how the 20k is paid, this is only the beginning of huge expenses coming your IL’s way.
Do they have any assets to sell like an extra car? Anything that would bring in some liquid?
This is a wake up call, OP - I really think they need to sell current home and downsize immediately- they can’t sustain their current lifestyle.
I think I’d list their house AS-IS and sell through a We Buy Any House type service. Get some cash and go from there.
Do they have any assets to sell like an extra car? Anything that would bring in some liquid?
This is a wake up call, OP - I really think they need to sell current home and downsize immediately- they can’t sustain their current lifestyle.
I think I’d list their house AS-IS and sell through a We Buy Any House type service. Get some cash and go from there.
Anonymous
07/15/2025 15:51
Subject: Parents out of money at 75
My mom ran out of money at 75--she just had my dad's social security. My parents were low earners but sacrificed everything for my sister and me, so yes I supported her until she passed away at 83. I would do it again.