Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.
You’ll be too busy to hang out with the brother and SIL.
What makes them so arrogant or pretentious actually?
They went to prep school or they’re racist?
They buy overpriced stuff they can’t afford or they are value shoppers and have opinion in product quality?
They gossip a lot?
They are shallow and superficial? (Those are everywhere jsut avoid and be civil)
How serious are your examples.?.
I explained a little. His brother has a lot of money. He brags about his money and his job. His wife is a SAHM and brags about being able to stay home. She told me I should earn more to keep up with my boyfriend if I wanted to marry him. She made a lot before she quit. I’m not as educated as they are.
Not a racist. They do live in an expensive home that they brag about. They tell everyone how much they paid for their house, their car, expensive furniture, etc. They brag a lot. Even his brother said people think he’s a douchebag when they first meet him.
Anonymous wrote:In law issues can be a huge problem in a marriage- so you are right to be considering this.
However- this honestly does not sound like a major issue to me. A BIL/SIL who are (based on your description) kind of self righteous and braggy, and/or just plain get on your nerves? Pretty common. As far as IL issues go, this is pretty minor. And as others have said so well- life will likely soon start to get in the way of spending so much time with them, and will also likely humble them a bit over time.
Even if you were to call it off with fiance and eventually get engaged to someone else- you’d most likely face issues with that guy’s family too (at a similar level to this, or potentially worse). It would be pretty unlikely to truly like and enjoy spending time with every single member of your DH’s side of the family….it could happen, but is unrealistic to expect IMHO. In most cases, there will be some relatives you just tolerate. And your BIL/SIL sound annoying- but tolerable.
Anonymous wrote:Lots of black and white thinking here when there's actually a ton of grey.
People's pretentiousness often comes from insecurity.
Obnoxiously pretentious people can also have many redeeming qualities if you try to see/find them.
Life has a way of curbing pretensions. (Multiple kids will disabuse one of the tendency to take credit or feel superior. Job/economic swings can take the wind out of career braggadocios, illness/hardship will soften the edges of "superior" people, etc... Life is long, people can change.
Parents are key - if you generally like them, and really love your boyfriend, I wouldn't think so drastically about this.
Your ability to discuss things (gently, with utmost respect for his relationships with his family and the fact that you really haven't known them that long) will be FAR more important to your relationship strength (or not) that your simple opinions of his family.
I'm in my 50's. You sound like me in my 20's.
Life tempers all things quite a lot.
Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.
Anonymous wrote:You sound jealous.
Anonymous wrote:You sound jealous.