Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are immigrants of South Asian origin and most of my friends don't give kid option to go into lower paying fields and I feel like they came out ahead in long term even if there was friction for some years. We let our kids decide what they wanted and just supported that.

Struggling with this now with one DC.

They want to major in something that isn't going to pay well. That would be fine except for the fact they like their comfortable lifestyle and to shop, a lot. I keep telling them that this job doesn't pay well, but they keep saying that they know. But, I don't think they really know.

I tried to explain to them the cost of rent, food, insurance, etc.. and then they would tell me that I'm discouraging. I tell them I'm trying to get them to be realistic, but they keep fighting me.

I don't want them to be in a situation where it become much more difficult to pivot and to struggle.

I grew up lower income, to immigrant parents who don't speak English. I struggled a lot. I have shared with them how difficult it was to be poor and not have any guidance. So, I'm trying to give them as much information as possible because I don't want them to end up struggling like I did.

It all falls on deaf ears.

So yes, the choice to major in something that typically means "lower pay" needs to go along with "you must choose a lifestyle that you can support yourself". So if you want to be a social worker, then you probably shouldn't plan to drive a $75K luxury SUV or take 2-3 week long luxury vacations yearly (unless you marry someone who can help provide that). You can do whatever you want in life as a major and career, but you have to be realistic about what it can support because we are not supporting you

Please be careful with that narrative. Low-earning women who marry high-earning men often have family money.

That's the secret that so many LC/LMC women don't understand when they look at their female friends from wealthy families who go into the somewhat prestigious but low-paying fields. The LC/LMC women follow suit, thinking now they're fitting into the wealthy circles. Then they hit their 30's and their colleagues from wealthy families have high-earning spouses, nice houses, and nannies private schools for the kids - all with help from the wife's family.

What's to "be careful about"? Just pointing out that you must live a lifestyle your income can support. But that income can include a spouse/partner. It's simply about if you only make $50K/year, you have to live within your means. So choose your career to support your lifestyle and a job you can be happy at. But if you want to be a social worker, you likely won't be driving a $75K car or taking $20K vacations yearly on that salary.

Because it's unlikely that the $50K salary social worker without the trust fund will end up marrying someone with enough enough to provide the $$$ lifestyle.

Anonymous wrote:We are immigrants of South Asian origin and most of my friends don't give kid option to go into lower paying fields and I feel like they came out ahead in long term even if there was friction for some years. We let our kids decide what they wanted and just supported that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are doing well in their chosen fields but financially not able to maintain lifestyle they are accustomed to. We are trying to subsidize but regret not pushing them hard and forcing our decisions like many of our friends did and now their kuds are very well off.

People say that a lot. Why do you think they all want to maintain your chosen lifestyle? They should choose their own lifestyle which might not duplicate their childhood. I agree that subsidizing adult kids is a good idea if you can afford it but they shouldn’t be pushed into a high paying career that they hate. That’s just miserable

DP here. Meh. OP kinda describes me and I think what happened is that I did not realize how expensive life is. My parents had enough that I did not have to stress through college or early adulthood. They could give me down payment for my apartment etc. I made enough to support myself in my twenties, but not enough to save much. Then you get to be thirty and you are like, damn, I need more money than this if I want to have money for retirement and have kids. Some kids raised in relative affluence just don't get it until they are well in their way to adulthood. It could be a good idea for parents to say, "Look, do what you want, but just know that it takes a high paying job to have the lifestyle you are accustomed to, and unfortunately we won't be able to leave you enough to supplement that lifestyle."

Anonymous wrote:I don’t regret it but as someone who grew up poor I wish I’d had more knowledge. I didn’t even know a profession like consulting existed until I was an undergraduate student. Turns out there are lots of lucrative careers beyond just doctors and lawyers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are immigrants of South Asian origin and most of my friends don't give kid option to go into lower paying fields and I feel like they came out ahead in long term even if there was friction for some years. We let our kids decide what they wanted and just supported that.

Struggling with this now with one DC.

They want to major in something that isn't going to pay well. That would be fine except for the fact they like their comfortable lifestyle and to shop, a lot. I keep telling them that this job doesn't pay well, but they keep saying that they know. But, I don't think they really know.

I tried to explain to them the cost of rent, food, insurance, etc.. and then they would tell me that I'm discouraging. I tell them I'm trying to get them to be realistic, but they keep fighting me.

I don't want them to be in a situation where it become much more difficult to pivot and to struggle.

I grew up lower income, to immigrant parents who don't speak English. I struggled a lot. I have shared with them how difficult it was to be poor and not have any guidance. So, I'm trying to give them as much information as possible because I don't want them to end up struggling like I did.

It all falls on deaf ears.

So yes, the choice to major in something that typically means "lower pay" needs to go along with "you must choose a lifestyle that you can support yourself". So if you want to be a social worker, then you probably shouldn't plan to drive a $75K luxury SUV or take 2-3 week long luxury vacations yearly (unless you marry someone who can help provide that). You can do whatever you want in life as a major and career, but you have to be realistic about what it can support because we are not supporting you

Please be careful with that narrative. Low-earning women who marry high-earning men often have family money.

That's the secret that so many LC/LMC women don't understand when they look at their female friends from wealthy families who go into the somewhat prestigious but low-paying fields. The LC/LMC women follow suit, thinking now they're fitting into the wealthy circles. Then they hit their 30's and their colleagues from wealthy families have high-earning spouses, nice houses, and nannies private schools for the kids - all with help from the wife's family.

What's to "be careful about"? Just pointing out that you must live a lifestyle your income can support. But that income can include a spouse/partner. It's simply about if you only make $50K/year, you have to live within your means. So choose your career to support your lifestyle and a job you can be happy at. But if you want to be a social worker, you likely won't be driving a $75K car or taking $20K vacations yearly on that salary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an engineer.

I regret not becoming a child psychologist. My friend gets paid $350/hr. She works part time and makes 2x what I make. Oh well.

Your friend had to do a lot more to become a child psychologist (masters, residency, etc..) for her to reach that level.

Also, you have to really like dealing with children.

My niece is a therapist, so less schooling than a psychologist, but she still had to go through a residency. She worked with a troubled youth program. Yikes, she told me some seriously crazy stories about her time there.

Grass is not always greener on the other side. I, for one, would not want to deal with people and their craziness. I have a hard enough time dealing with my kids', DH's and my own issues.

Anonymous wrote:For me, life is too short to work for years in a career I hated. For people who love the STEM fields, that’s great. But in my experience so many people in those fields are introverts and I would have been miserable.

Anonymous wrote:I am an engineer.

I regret not becoming a child psychologist. My friend gets paid $350/hr. She works part time and makes 2x what I make. Oh well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are immigrants of South Asian origin and most of my friends don't give kid option to go into lower paying fields and I feel like they came out ahead in long term even if there was friction for some years. We let our kids decide what they wanted and just supported that.

Struggling with this now with one DC.

They want to major in something that isn't going to pay well. That would be fine except for the fact they like their comfortable lifestyle and to shop, a lot. I keep telling them that this job doesn't pay well, but they keep saying that they know. But, I don't think they really know.

I tried to explain to them the cost of rent, food, insurance, etc.. and then they would tell me that I'm discouraging. I tell them I'm trying to get them to be realistic, but they keep fighting me.

I don't want them to be in a situation where it become much more difficult to pivot and to struggle.

I grew up lower income, to immigrant parents who don't speak English. I struggled a lot. I have shared with them how difficult it was to be poor and not have any guidance. So, I'm trying to give them as much information as possible because I don't want them to end up struggling like I did.

It all falls on deaf ears.

So yes, the choice to major in something that typically means "lower pay" needs to go along with "you must choose a lifestyle that you can support yourself". So if you want to be a social worker, then you probably shouldn't plan to drive a $75K luxury SUV or take 2-3 week long luxury vacations yearly (unless you marry someone who can help provide that). You can do whatever you want in life as a major and career, but you have to be realistic about what it can support because we are not supporting you

Please be careful with that narrative. Low-earning women who marry high-earning men often have family money.

That's the secret that so many LC/LMC women don't understand when they look at their female friends from wealthy families who go into the somewhat prestigious but low-paying fields. The LC/LMC women follow suit, thinking now they're fitting into the wealthy circles. Then they hit their 30's and their colleagues from wealthy families have high-earning spouses, nice houses, and nannies private schools for the kids - all with help from the wife's family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are immigrants of South Asian origin and most of my friends don't give kid option to go into lower paying fields and I feel like they came out ahead in long term even if there was friction for some years. We let our kids decide what they wanted and just supported that.

Struggling with this now with one DC.

They want to major in something that isn't going to pay well. That would be fine except for the fact they like their comfortable lifestyle and to shop, a lot. I keep telling them that this job doesn't pay well, but they keep saying that they know. But, I don't think they really know.

I tried to explain to them the cost of rent, food, insurance, etc.. and then they would tell me that I'm discouraging. I tell them I'm trying to get them to be realistic, but they keep fighting me.

I don't want them to be in a situation where it become much more difficult to pivot and to struggle.

I grew up lower income, to immigrant parents who don't speak English. I struggled a lot. I have shared with them how difficult it was to be poor and not have any guidance. So, I'm trying to give them as much information as possible because I don't want them to end up struggling like I did.

It all falls on deaf ears.

What is it do you think won't pay well?

Plenty of cool-sounding but ultimately misleading and pointless master's programs and career tracks that are interesting when you're in your early 20s but don't pan out unless you make the very top 1%. Things like museum studies or any kind of social services work.

I did a master's in city planning and it was entirely due to one conversation I had in senior year in college when I mentioned to a professor I liked architecture but was more interested in seeing how spaces come together than individual buildings and he suggested planning. Since I didn't know what else to do I went ahead, with some misguided belief that it could be the beginning of a career in RE development. Actual outcome, despite a fancy professional school, was an entry level county planning job, just like most of my peers from the program. Now that we're 20 years out I'd say the top 10% of grads have done fine, typically in the 100-150k job brackets as senior planning administrators or equivalents, a director or two. Bottom 90% are just plodding along having lots of meetings and writing policy reports no one really looks at and attending nighttime community meetings and making 50-80k.

As a PP commented, jobs requiring the same aptitude and workload can have hugely different salaries. I figured this out quickly and after a few years as a planner lucked into a corporate gig and now easily make at least double what I'd have made had I remained in the field and interviewed my way up to a supervisor level role. It means a very different lifestyle. I know my output and effect on the world is meaningless, but it's also true for almost all planners too. Our day to day work is not dissimilar, it's lots of team meetings and preparing reports (them) or strategies (me) but I make double. The people like me who left the planning field for more lucrative roles have all had the same experience and with no regrets.

Following your "heart" when you're 21 in most cases doesn't deliver the outcome you think it will.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are immigrants of South Asian origin and most of my friends don't give kid option to go into lower paying fields and I feel like they came out ahead in long term even if there was friction for some years. We let our kids decide what they wanted and just supported that.

Struggling with this now with one DC.

They want to major in something that isn't going to pay well. That would be fine except for the fact they like their comfortable lifestyle and to shop, a lot. I keep telling them that this job doesn't pay well, but they keep saying that they know. But, I don't think they really know.

I tried to explain to them the cost of rent, food, insurance, etc.. and then they would tell me that I'm discouraging. I tell them I'm trying to get them to be realistic, but they keep fighting me.

I don't want them to be in a situation where it become much more difficult to pivot and to struggle.

I grew up lower income, to immigrant parents who don't speak English. I struggled a lot. I have shared with them how difficult it was to be poor and not have any guidance. So, I'm trying to give them as much information as possible because I don't want them to end up struggling like I did.

It all falls on deaf ears.

So yes, the choice to major in something that typically means "lower pay" needs to go along with "you must choose a lifestyle that you can support yourself". So if you want to be a social worker, then you probably shouldn't plan to drive a $75K luxury SUV or take 2-3 week long luxury vacations yearly (unless you marry someone who can help provide that). You can do whatever you want in life as a major and career, but you have to be realistic about what it can support because we are not supporting you