Anonymous
06/18/2025 15:03
Subject: Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?
I think some is innate in a sense that some kids are adept at reading social norms and cues. I could from a young age - read the room type of thing and adapt to any setting. I suspect my dad was similar growing up. My mom and brother struggle a lot with this. It used to really frustrate/embarrass me but now I better understand their personalities.
I went into a job that lends itself to this particular skill. My kids seem to do well conversing with adults etc we don’t host large parties - ever.
She sounds like a lovely young woman and very grateful for the party given in her honor, can’t ask much more than that from a kid!
I went into a job that lends itself to this particular skill. My kids seem to do well conversing with adults etc we don’t host large parties - ever.
She sounds like a lovely young woman and very grateful for the party given in her honor, can’t ask much more than that from a kid!
Anonymous
06/18/2025 04:42
Subject: Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?
It’s innate!! I have 3 kids that I’ve taught the same manners and they are so completely different in social situations. My youngest has always had an easy time talking to adults. When she was 7 my elderly neighbor was blown away bc she asked her how her weekend with her grandchildren was and if they had fun celebrating a 2nd bday. Also gives strangers (ladies) compliments in grocery lines and starts conversations with them (to my dismay, ha). My oldest two only talk to adults when directly approached.
Anonymous
06/17/2025 09:03
Subject: Re:Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?
Anonymous wrote:Both - mainly taught and somewhat innate. Our kids are like this because they have not only grown up with watching us host, but because they are part of the planning and executing process.
Hosting has nothing to do with a personality trait. It will help a child host if they have to but it’s much more than that. I have met some politicians who have the ability to make you feel like you are the only one in the room. It’s a personality trait that helps certain jobs. It’s definitely a positive trait to have.
Anonymous
06/17/2025 09:00
Subject: Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?
It’s learned and modeled. I assume that she’s been taught since her first birthday with classmates, to go personally say bye to her classmates and thank them for coming. It probably continued and grew from there. Also, I assume that this is not the first time her parents throw a party like this, so while it may seem like large party for you, my guess it’s something they’ve had before so the whole thanking adults etc is not new to the child. Practice, practice, practice…..
Anonymous
06/17/2025 08:55
Subject: Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Gathering last weekend for a colleague’s daughter. Normal looking and her mom has told me over the years she’s just a regular, average student and sort of shy, not terribly popular — not a boisterous type-A overachieving homecoming queen Elle Woods or anything.
Apparently she can turn it “on” for large gatherings because we were blown away how she worked the crowd of 300+ people coming and going, and when we left, she ran out to our car to personally thank us. Charming, warm, eye contact, quick little stories and then gracefully moved on.
I told her mom this week how lovely her daughter was and how she ran out to say bye and thank you to us. She said everyone was saying the same and that she made sure to personally do that for all 300+ guests!
I’m asking because I’m jealous. Our daughter is a great student and outgoing but absolutely nothing like that. Do parents actually teach their teens to behave this way and turn it “on” in a large gathering?
Catholic school? Catholic school kids seem to have above average self-confidence, social skills and comfort in their own skin.
My hunch as well, both from the size of the event for a kid and Catholic school kids and families tend to be gregarious.
Especially Irish Catholics. The gift of gab.
Anonymous
06/17/2025 08:34
Subject: Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?
Meyers Briggs - check it out, different personalities. It’s mostly innate, some guidance can help too
Anonymous
06/17/2025 08:18
Subject: Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?
Anonymous wrote:Husband’s theory: Her outgoing parents hosted a lot of adult gatherings while their daughter was growing up. Kind of like Malcolm Gladwell’s book, the 10,000 hours of practice one. The somewhat shy daughter was getting those reps in, steeping in large gatherings makes you comfortable and you pick up social intelligence and get better and better at it. While our more outgoing daughter, and most teens in general, are rattled in such a setting. Outside of holidays once every few years, we never host large crowds at our home.
The book was called Outliers.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Outliers_(book)
Anonymous
06/14/2025 15:14
Subject: Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:300 guests?
+1 The most guests we've had in our house were 50 and it was a squeeze and once every 5 years type of thing. When parents entertain a lot, I find that kids do develop more polish and more "hosting" abilities.
Unless you have a gigantic mansion you get a vendor to put a big party tent and port-a-potties in your backyard.
What? Absolutely not.
50-100 people can easily fit into our house because we spread it out in the huge yard, full large basement and entire ground floor. Our entire house is set up to entertain. And we can basically handle the crowd with just two bathrooms and 1 powder room. Each room is set up for people to sit, and we have servers and day-of helpers. I do the cooking and it takes me around 2 days to make all the food. I am set up to entertain from cooking pots and pans, huge stoves, freezers, and serveware etc.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 15:09
Subject: Re:Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?
Both - mainly taught and somewhat innate. Our kids are like this because they have not only grown up with watching us host, but because they are part of the planning and executing process.
Anonymous
06/14/2025 14:53
Subject: Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?
Sounds like my kid! Definitely a learned behavior. My introverted kid comes alive with adults and we always get compliments on how polite funny appreciative and personable. We started when he was two (I know, super early but it worked) teaching him to be kind and super appreciative of waiters, sanitation workers, bag handlers, cashiers etc. and tip everyone while looking them in the eye and saying thank you. Now he works in the service industry part time while in high school and truly gets it. But he still struggles with the social nature of teen friends at times. But I think that will go away in time.
Anonymous
06/13/2025 14:07
Subject: Stunned by a teen girl. How is this cordial behavior learned or is it innate?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:300 guests?
+1 The most guests we've had in our house were 50 and it was a squeeze and once every 5 years type of thing. When parents entertain a lot, I find that kids do develop more polish and more "hosting" abilities.
Unless you have a gigantic mansion you get a vendor to put a big party tent and port-a-potties in your backyard.