Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of convincing her about her height, I'd emphasize what a waste of time it is to wish things were different about something we can not change. Like wishing for a different eye color, or smaller feet. You can't stop the thought, but you shouldn't focus on entertaining it. You focus on accepting it and spending your time on more productive things. Does she want to waste her life wishing she was shorter? It will not change.

So. Help her start to focus on becoming who she wants, without changing her height. It is very hard. Teenage years are rough when you don't physically fit in. But life is long and the sooner she makes her peace with her height, the happier her long life will be.

This. I would be more matter of fact about this and avoid indulging much hand wringing about it. She's tall and there's nothing that can be done about it. What's more, being tall is not a disability, so she may not like it, but her tallness doesn't merit much sympathy. So she can spend her time whining about something silly that she can't change, or she can spend her time doing something more productive. And I would put it just about that plainly to her.

In my experience, spending a lot of time talking about these things, trying to convince a kid that they are wrong, just makes them obsess more.

Jesus. Start mentally preparing for your adult kids to go no contact someday.

My kids are 23 and 27 and I have good relationships with both. ~shrug~

Parents like you have a rude awakening when their kids start their own families.

You'll probably get an earful then.

You can say all the sympathetic things when the issue arises. Make gentle suggestions. Continue to be complimentary. But if a kid is stuck obsessing about something, helping them focus on that obsession is ill advised. You can't help her be shorter or convince her she's wrong. So after months of her obsessing about her height, it's time to drop the rope. "Ugh, I'm too tall, I look terrible!" Me: "yep, you're still tall! And you look lovely. What would you like for dinner?"

One of my kids has struggled with anxiety and obsessive thoughts, so I do view this through that lens. There are standard CBT techniques for dealing with these types of thoughts. OPs DD is so obsessed/anxious about this that she doesn't like standing next to a shorter boy. That's beyond a normal level of insecurity IMO. What CBT teaches is that entertaining obsessive thoughts gives them power. It's hard to figure out sometimes where the line is between sympathy and giving bad thoughts power, but it's worth working on.

Do you want to know what makes me sad about this thread? It’s that your teenager is in some weird algorithm that is anti-tall women. I don’t get that on sm and neither do my kids. Your daughter seems to be bombarded with that negativity and for that I’m sorry.

I’m an 80s 90s kid and teenager and growing up tall was desirable. I was short and what is now nicely called “curvy” and so “undesirable”. But luckily I didn’t have social media constantly bombarding that message. It was just something that I observed, but lived a happy life.

I think you have some good advice on this thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a psychologist, but I’d wager that she’s into kawaii almost as compensation for her height. It sounds like a very insecure thing - well I’m tall, but at least I can dress young/cute. I hope she grows out of that too.

I was tall growing up, but I feel like kids are getting taller and taller these days. I like the idea of using tall women/models around her own age. Gigi and Kendall are good ones, and make sure she sees them wearing heels too. Maybe you can look at some (appropriate) copy cat outfits, something that will show off her long legs or something.

Unless your teen weighs about 115 - 120 lbs at 5’11” and her limbs have the right proportions you shouldn’t compare them to your daughter. No one should compare their child to some celebrity.

Well they are closer than I am
- 5'5"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of convincing her about her height, I'd emphasize what a waste of time it is to wish things were different about something we can not change. Like wishing for a different eye color, or smaller feet. You can't stop the thought, but you shouldn't focus on entertaining it. You focus on accepting it and spending your time on more productive things. Does she want to waste her life wishing she was shorter? It will not change.

So. Help her start to focus on becoming who she wants, without changing her height. It is very hard. Teenage years are rough when you don't physically fit in. But life is long and the sooner she makes her peace with her height, the happier her long life will be.

This. I would be more matter of fact about this and avoid indulging much hand wringing about it. She's tall and there's nothing that can be done about it. What's more, being tall is not a disability, so she may not like it, but her tallness doesn't merit much sympathy. So she can spend her time whining about something silly that she can't change, or she can spend her time doing something more productive. And I would put it just about that plainly to her.

In my experience, spending a lot of time talking about these things, trying to convince a kid that they are wrong, just makes them obsess more.

Jesus. Start mentally preparing for your adult kids to go no contact someday.

My kids are 23 and 27 and I have good relationships with both. ~shrug~

Parents like you have a rude awakening when their kids start their own families.

You'll probably get an earful then.

My grandmother was tall, fun, elegant and she loved her heels. Her even taller husband used to laugh when she claimed to be 5’14” in her favorite pair. Because back in the day, a lady simply couldn’t be over 6’ tall.

They had style and charisma. Own the height!! People are attracted to people who are happy with themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In high school I (tall female) remember complaining to my (short female) friend that I wish I was shorter/cute like her. Her response: it may look cute to be short now but middle age short women are not cute. Tall is where it’s at! She really cared about my self esteem and this always stuck with me when I felt self-conscious about my height. I know this seems like it pits tall women against short women, but since it was said to me by a friend, I’ve thought back on it from time to time!

I'm tall and my mother said some equivalent of this to me without explicitly bagging on short women. She would say you'll be grateful when you're older.

She was right. Most women 5-4 and under look pretty dumpy by middle age. Yes, there are exceptions.

Tall women look pretty dumpy too if they don’t take care of themselves. Looking like Julia Childs if you’re not careful.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a psychologist, but I’d wager that she’s into kawaii almost as compensation for her height. It sounds like a very insecure thing - well I’m tall, but at least I can dress young/cute. I hope she grows out of that too.

I was tall growing up, but I feel like kids are getting taller and taller these days. I like the idea of using tall women/models around her own age. Gigi and Kendall are good ones, and make sure she sees them wearing heels too. Maybe you can look at some (appropriate) copy cat outfits, something that will show off her long legs or something.

Unless your teen weighs about 115 - 120 lbs at 5’11” and her limbs have the right proportions you shouldn’t compare them to your daughter. No one should compare their child to some celebrity.

I’m 5’10” in my mid 40s and my height has literally never been an issue. I have a 6 ft friend who gets the “you must play basketball” comments in the grocery store which is annoying but also not the end of the world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Following. I have a 5’9” 14 year old who just got her period. My sister in law is a little over six feet. I think it’s very hard for dating but also very fashionable. That’s a positive thing about the present regime: they appreciate tall women.

I feel like it’s the opposite , the 90s- early 2000s loved tall woman . Nowadays men like short petite woman or short curvy woman .

I mean the folks running the country.

Those men are foul, divorced at least once with bad taste in women. They also like big cheap fake hair, plastic surgery faces and fake boobs from the late 80s. Who cares

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for being the spelling police but it’s advice (with a C) not advise.

To advise is the verb

Advice is the noun.

People don’t always check the accuracy on forums. Sometimes it changes to the wrong word and you don’t notice. Just fyi

Get her off of social media for one thing, idiot.

Where do you live? I'd push college in the midwest or South where the men are taller than in the NE. Maybe Macalaster in Minneapolis, Northwestern, an upper midwest big ten school. More tall men, more dating opportunities. Stay away from colleges with high Catholic or Jewish populations (Italians and Irish are often short as are Jewish people).

Signed, Tall woman who has moved around a lot. Avoid NYC, DC, Boston.

Maybe Colorado would be ok? Not sure