My sister and I both have three kids. I am married to a high earner who works long hours and travels frequently and have stayed part time and flexibile in my work to cover everything kid related. I don’t think DH has ever made it to a parent-teacher conference or an orthodontist appointment for example, and I carry the mental load (bills, financial planning, trip planning, camps, etc). When he’s home he pitches in with cooking, school projects, driving kids, etc, but there are lots of times when I’m solo parenting. My sister and her husband on the other hand both make the same amount and both work 40hrs a week. They are home together in the evenings and on weekends and take turns with covering school holidays, kid appointments and sick days etc. While I’m envious of that shared parenting load, allowing one person to lean in at work has ultimately given our family over triple the income and at the end of the day having three kids is really expensive. Not feeling stressed about camps, braces, travel, extracurriculars, college etc, is worth the trade off from what I can see.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Are they jealous? DH is a high earner and is an amazing husband and dad. Sounds like despite being a high earner he makes time for you now and is a good bf. DH hasn't changed in the 17 years we've been together. Has always been great.

I don’t think they are jealous. Some of these women are older ladies who tell me how bad it is to be in charge of kids and the house and all the husband does is make a paycheck. They warned me that this will be my life is I choose a man who works too much.

They are jealous.

And whether or not a man shares his burden in housework and kid raising is not necessarily related to how much he earns. Plenty of slacker husbands out there who don't earn that much or a ton and still make the woman do most of the work.

DP here. I'm not jealous of the money since we have plenty. And I love my DH's personality and the attention he gives us when he can. I wouldn't trade him.

But yes I am a little envious of a husband who can make a lot of money and not have to work evenings and weekends with at least some regularity. WFH/technology has made parts of that better and parts of it worse.

If a spouse makes a lot, does not have to be responsive on nights/weekends, AND is a loving, involved family man, that is really wonderful for his family.

Anonymous wrote:How about, do not marry a man if you think men suck.

Obviously, the answer is that she should marry this guy, have kids, and then divorce. The ex-husband can fund your lifestyle. You can then marry a more nurturing, less ego-drive man, who will not work long hours. You'll have the resources and the connection. It's a win-win.