We had allowed them to drink starting at 16 at home with us only for special occasions. DH is from Europe where they are obviously not as strict about drinking at home.

At 17 we let them drink a bit more but only at home. We wanted them to learn their limit while at home. We have had discussions about drinking responsibly.

We do NOT ever provide drinks to other teens, nor would want other parents to provide drinks to our teens without us there.

We have one kid in college, and they did drink the first year. DC said they did get sick once or twice. Second year, they don't drink as much.

Much like everything else, teach your kids about drinking before they go to college. They are going to drink no matter what. My kid is a straight A student from MS to college, a total academic nerd, but still drank. So, don't think your nerdy kid won't drink in college.

Anonymous wrote:Speaking of Uber, do you just let them use your account (picking up as parent name) or do you add UberTeen? I prefer to use Black b/c those are professional drivers, but it doesn't seem to be an option for the Teen account.

They have their own accounts. I dont see it - I could look at their credit card bill, but I only glance. Uber Teen ends at 18

I work on a college campus and drinking today is very different than in 1992.

In my day, drinking 3-4 nights a week was not uncommon. Drinking to drunk was the MO of maybe 20% of the campus, every single weekend. (It's surprising to go to a reunion and see how many of us quit drinking entirely).

There was also a fair amount of coke.

Today (and this is not a big southern party school but a T20 northeast school), fake IDs are plentiful - everyone has one - but I bet 1/3rd of the kids never drink or have less than 2 drinks a month. Most are weekend only drinkers and that's 2-4 drinks a night (not drink to drunkness). And a very slim get really drunk regularly.. Maybe 5%.

IOW, in my day, most kids got drunk almost most weekends. Now I'd say most kids get drunk 3-4 times a year.

Weed and edibles very common, but again, we dont have kids passed out in the yard like we used to.

I think providing alcohol to a bunch of kids just out of high school is nuts. You don’t know these kids. You don’t know their families or their genetic susceptibility to alcohol use disorder, which is highly correlated to age of first use. None of these kids have tolerance or much experience with alcohol and how it affects them. And the liability risk is enormous - enough to destroy the finances of most families if there’s a car crash or injury.

But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to let your own kid have beer or wine at a family dinner, just so they know what it is and what it does. Too often an unaware freshman in college will down an enormous amount of vodka and suffer all the consequences bc they didn’t know better. Parents do need to educate their children about alcohol especially since it remains so prevalent in society.

I have two boys in college. One doesn’t drink at all bc he’s a serious athlete and hates the impact of alcohol on his body. And the other might have a couple of beers when he’s out on the weekends, but will never overdo it bc he too hates the recovery and feeling like he’s poisoned himself. Compared to my generation, most college students are much more sensible about alcohol. And there really isn’t much pressure to drink yourself silly these days, at least not at the top 20 schools my kids go to. Getting wasted and being hungover is not the norm anymore.

But weed use is way up and parents need to address the risks of that too, especially how it pertains to brain development among adolescents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two random thoughts. First, friend’s kid got a fake and I was astonished at the quality, hologram and all. Parent found it and got rid of it. Second, in some ways kids today seem more health focused, although vaping has been a horrific add after making so much progress on cigarettes. I do wonder if social anxiety and less maturity on that front due to Covid makes drinking more appealing now?

The kids can get very good fake ids online. Some of them even pass the scanners that some bouncers have.
You can confiscate your kids id and they will just go out and get another.

With their $500/ month allowance

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious for everyone keeping their kids dry....what exactly do you expect will happen when they are exposed to unlimited alcohol during the first few nights they are at college and for the entire freshman and sophomore years before they turn legal?

The research is clear: The younger kids are when they start drinking, the higher their risk will be for developing alcohol use disorder.

I haven't read the research, but I believe this. I did a gap year abroad and drank quite a bit at 18-19. And except for my pregnancy, never really stopped. I have to be pretty vigilant not to over-do it.

My HS senior is very anti-alcohol for now, and I'm delighted. The longer she waits, the better it'll be for her.

Speaking of Uber, do you just let them use your account (picking up as parent name) or do you add UberTeen? I prefer to use Black b/c those are professional drivers, but it doesn't seem to be an option for the Teen account.

I don't mind my older teen drinking but I'd rather that she drinks the stuff from our home or the ones we've purchased (not drinks supplied at random HS parties). You just never know these days. She's not a big drinker anyway. Will literally just take little sips of a beer and be okay with it. The biggest rule is absolutely no drinking and driving; or getting in a person's car who has been drinking. She can call me anytime no questions asked. She and all her friends also have Uber apps. She has friends with fake ids and will go to the bars (and have gotten in). That's one thing I won't allow. It's a misdemeanor in MD and why would anyone risk having it go on their record at a time when college applications/acceptances are happening?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious for everyone keeping their kids dry....what exactly do you expect will happen when they are exposed to unlimited alcohol during the first few nights they are at college and for the entire freshman and sophomore years before they turn legal?

Gee, maybe… continue not to drink illegally? Worked for me & all my siblings. And my now-DH.

Who are you people? I don’t know any parents like this. Literally none. Is it socioeconomic? Private school parents generally do not have this “absolutely no alcohol until legal” mentally.

We’re at a boarding school, but mine is a day study. Plenty of both, don’t think it’s socioeconomic.

Anonymous wrote:Two random thoughts. First, friend’s kid got a fake and I was astonished at the quality, hologram and all. Parent found it and got rid of it. Second, in some ways kids today seem more health focused, although vaping has been a horrific add after making so much progress on cigarettes. I do wonder if social anxiety and less maturity on that front due to Covid makes drinking more appealing now?

The kids can get very good fake ids online. Some of them even pass the scanners that some bouncers have.
You can confiscate your kids id and they will just go out and get another.

Two random thoughts. First, friend’s kid got a fake and I was astonished at the quality, hologram and all. Parent found it and got rid of it. Second, in some ways kids today seem more health focused, although vaping has been a horrific add after making so much progress on cigarettes. I do wonder if social anxiety and less maturity on that front due to Covid makes drinking more appealing now?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our state, people under 21 may legally drink alcohol if they are in a private residence and under the supervision of their parents/guardians. We have included DC in drinking wine with us at meals from time to time; we would never give him drinks before a party.

Possibly true someplace. Definitely not true in VA.

Parents in VA who allowed alcohol to under-21s sometimes are prosecuted - and in at least some cases jail time has resulted.

Does anyone know if the parents who served alcohol to high school students in Arlington before the horrible crash that took the life of a promising young man were charged?

Which time?

One was McLean parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious for everyone keeping their kids dry....what exactly do you expect will happen when they are exposed to unlimited alcohol during the first few nights they are at college and for the entire freshman and sophomore years before they turn legal?

The research is clear: The younger kids are when they start drinking, the higher their risk will be for developing alcohol use disorder.

+100

My husband’s father died from alcohol-induced cirrhosis. Life-long alcoholic. There is definitely alcohol use disorder tendency.

We never let our kids/teens taste alcohol or give it to them to “prepare them or see how they will react”. We live a block or so from a bar district and my kids grew up watching 20/30 year olds stumble drunk and fall passed out in lawns, saw drunk driving arrests/crashes into signs, etc, As kids they thought it was ridiculous- not glamorous.

I have a college freshmen who is an athlete and doesn’t drink, never has, never wanted to. He’s seen kids in his grade die in drunk driving crashes. He’s very into health and what he puts in his body. He has a thriving social life and a great group of friends.

I also have a rising HS senior, we teach that weed before 21 is highly correlated to developing irreversible psychosis- it’s not 1980s weed. We teach not getting in a car ever with somebody that’s been drinking. So far he’s very into his sport and doesn’t go to parties.

Husband and I were huge drinkers in college/20s/early 30s. I drink a lot less now. Husband could stand to cut back.

The parents worried about their kid’s popularity or “coolness” are the worst. Anyone who gives teens alcohol at a party is a complete idiot. Anyone that knowingly hosts alcohol parties for teens is deserving of jail time when something goes wrong—kids get into accidents, etc

I could repeat a lot of what was said here. DC is also an athlete and cares about their body. They think drunk adults or the drunk teens that stumble down or street out of the house of the "cool" parents are idiots. And, no, DC isn't a nerd. You don't *have* to drink and, luckily, some kids are getting that message.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never served alcohol.

We knew they had fake ids and we didn’t confiscate them.

We knew they drank at other people’s houses so we provided unlimited Uber.

We discussed what to do in certain dangerous situations… cops arriving, someone is throwing up, etc. don’t drink and swim.

I’d say if you have a kid that won’t drink lean into that but don’t put your head in the sand.

Don’t forget about drugs… kids think they can get high and drive, educate them.

This is us too and most of our friends and kids’ friends’ parents

Why are you ok with fake IDs?

Not okay just a realist.

Not okay with sex at 16 either but I’m not stopping it.

For many parents who don't approve of underage alcohol use (like me), kids still drink when they are out with friends. I know there is experimentation and curiosity. I don't turn a blind eye, and I don't keep my head in the sand. I talk with them every time they go out, about making smart choices. We talk about short and long teem affects of alcohol. Kids don't drink bc they like/aquire the taste. They drink bc they think its cool, to get buzzed, to have fun, to have something to do when they feel self conscious in a social situation. Many grown ups are the same. Its good to be self aware and to coach self awareness. At home, We talk about the 'why' behind drinking and reinforcing the notion that needing alcohol or any substance to have fun/relax is an unhealthy (and often dangerous) crutch.