Anonymous
05/18/2025 17:59
Subject: Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Does he want a 4 year degree? If so what schools does he like? You can frame the discussion in “better grades and scores = more choices.” Further, if you’re not going to work hard we rent wasting $30k+ until you’re ready.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 17:55
Subject: Re:Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Bs and Cs in his standard classes
He can go to a 4 year college. He just can't with your blessing. If he applies and he gets in, imo he has earned the right to go.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 17:37
Subject: Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
After the SAT, my husband and I had a hard but necessary conversation with him. We’ve decided to give him one more shot this summer. He’ll be enrolled in a structured, expensive SAT prep program, and our expectations are clear: he needs to put in real effort, at least 2 hours a day of studying, 5 days a week, and complete weekly practice tests after the course ends. If we see meaningful effort and improvement, we’ll continue supporting a 4-year college path. If not, we’ll be redirecting him toward community college.
This just sounds like a recipe for making someone who is miserable more miserable. Why are you forcing him into something you want, not him? You say you're "giving him one more shot," but at what? He doesn't want this.
Recently I had a plumbing emergency at my house and it took me all day on the phone, calling 10 different companies before finding someone available to come out to my house at 7pm. That guy made $600. That experience taught me that if I knew a teenager in this town I'd be telling him to become a plumber as they are clearly in shortage. There are many pathways in life that don't involve high SATs and a 4 year college.
We have positioned trades as an option. Again with the lack of effort, he won't be successful at anything. We're upset that the only effort he puts forth is into his social life and that he is disillusioned that this type of effort will fly at a 4 year or life in general. He's interested in engineering and we essentially told him that unless he steers the ship around, he's got no shot at being successful in an engineering program because that requires he seeks out tutoring, advocates for himself and puts in the extra time and really focuses. [/
I would tell him him this
1, HS gpa must be a 3 .0 for me to pay for a four year school
2. Must enroll in local community college if not and have a part time job while attending if gpa is below 3.0
I do not help with college apps unless they as for help same with the above. Time to be responsible
Never ever say can not be an engineer or anything else that’s wrong period .
Instead you say what is your plan to become an engineer? Would you like help starting the search into what it takes and which type of engineer would you be interested in. Then show them low reach schools curriculum and community college avenues as well, he probably has no idea what types of engineers there are.
If he doesn’t want to do that then you say ok what’s your plan for when you turn 18 please look up rent and where you are moving. No screaming match talk calmly
Yes it takes hard work, plenty of kids go to community college and become engineers. Plenty of kids figure this out late. It’s hard for parents to watch and live through but kids do surprise you.
3. If a trade school if interested he find all the proper info and sign up I write the check.
He gets one shot to make that work
4. If none of the above is of interest moves out after hs on his own I pay nothing
Plenty of kids go to college from HS goad that are below a 3.0 schools like Frostburg exist for that reason and plenty of kids graduate and do well in life, some take six years to graduate. You revalueate every semester but you don’t give up on them.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 17:28
Subject: Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
There are plenty of colleges that will take him.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 17:25
Subject: Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Forget the SATs. Why are his grades low? Forgetting to hand in work? Poor test scores?
All of it. Again, zero effort has been put forth. We've been working with him closely since 9th grade on grades, executive functioning etc. And as far as TO goes, with a 3.1 or 3.0, schools like GM, York college, Robert Morris or Marshall are not safety's. Even if he gets in to those, he'll do poorly or give up with his drive. Whether its academics or athletics, he thinks he can just show up and be successful. He doesn't practice and doesn't even conceptually understand what hard work and dedicated practice is despite our multiple attempts at showing him a path and providing him with examples. We've had the neuropsych test, we've done the extensive tutoring, we've pushed therapy and meds. We've let him get a job, play football. We've restricted the job, and football. We've tried it all at this point and it's not clicking.
Then he needs to graduate and get a FT job. After a year if he decides he wants to try college he can take a course or two at CC. You’ve done more than enough. But don’t make life easy for him by letting him live at home for free. He needs to contribute and see how $$$ life actually is.
I think he should get a job now, start saving money, see what work is like. He may have some untapped talent in the workforce. Many fast food places offer a lot of opportunity for advancement and potentially scholarships if he becomes ready for college.
+1 he’s not ready right now so he needs to start working and seeing what that looks like. It’s up to him.
Not every kid can be shaped into the UMC ideal. Mine sure can’t. I offer advice but I’m just not going to find him forever. He knows that.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 17:16
Subject: Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Anonymous wrote:If in VA, look at Longwood. They have a lot of resources for students who need a little hand holding. It's looked down upon on this board but for my kid, it was just what he needed. he would not have been independent staying at home and going to CC. It is far enough where he has to fend for himself but we have seen a lot of maturity since he has been there.
This. He needs to go to a more rural college without distractions and a smaller college where he can get help.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 17:14
Subject: Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Anonymous wrote:If in VA, look at Longwood. They have a lot of resources for students who need a little hand holding. It's looked down upon on this board but for my kid, it was just what he needed. he would not have been independent staying at home and going to CC. It is far enough where he has to fend for himself but we have seen a lot of maturity since he has been there.
+1 to this. I think its good for some of these kids to go to a 4 year college because college is a good place to learn independence and transition to adulthood. My ADHD kid that I thought for years maybe wouldn't want to go to college is doing terrific in a small LAC college -- lives on campus, goes to class and does well, has a part time job. Learned to live with other people and manage his own time. Has support of professors and small classes help too. Its a good transition if your kid is interested.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 17:04
Subject: Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
If in VA, look at Longwood. They have a lot of resources for students who need a little hand holding. It's looked down upon on this board but for my kid, it was just what he needed. he would not have been independent staying at home and going to CC. It is far enough where he has to fend for himself but we have seen a lot of maturity since he has been there.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 16:43
Subject: Re:Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My kid got something like a 1130 and just applied TO everywhere. I think his gpa when he applied to college was a 3.1. He got in everywhere with merit aid. Apply smartly and your kid will do fine.
What colleges?
Drexel, UMBC, Seton Hall, Loyola MD, St Joe’s, Manhattan, Duquesne, LaSalle, St Mary’s, Scranton.
With a 3.1 and an 1130 he got merit aid at these schools? No way.
DP: I believe it. Some of these were my DC's rolling safeties, and with a 3.3UW (and lots of AP courses) he was getting close to full ride offers (he did submit a high SAT score though).
Anonymous
05/18/2025 16:39
Subject: Re:Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My kid was in a similar situation and it turned out to be ADHD with depression and anxiety. Meds and therapy have helped a lot.
Get your kid tested OP.
He's been tested, he definitely has ADHD. Depression screen was negative, but we think that's because he's not honest with himself etc. I should add that the other condition of us funding college is that he try's therapy again and considers meds. Up until this point he was not a willing participant and it was just wasted time.
Remember that the ADHD brain can be as much as 2 year behind in maturity, I would seriously consider a gap year if medication hasn't given the relief needed to let him improve his executive function skills.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 16:37
Subject: Re:Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My kid got something like a 1130 and just applied TO everywhere. I think his gpa when he applied to college was a 3.1. He got in everywhere with merit aid. Apply smartly and your kid will do fine.
Where the hell did a kid like that get into with merit aid? Seriously. That’s ridiculous. Where is this “everywhere?”
Yes, everywhere. He applied smartly to 10 schools. People need to do their homework. There are thousands of schools in this country.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 16:36
Subject: Re:Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My kid got something like a 1130 and just applied TO everywhere. I think his gpa when he applied to college was a 3.1. He got in everywhere with merit aid. Apply smartly and your kid will do fine.
What colleges?
Drexel, UMBC, Seton Hall, Loyola MD, St Joe’s, Manhattan, Duquesne, LaSalle, St Mary’s, Scranton.
With a 3.1 and an 1130 he got merit aid at these schools? No way.
He didn’t submit his scores. He got merit aid everywhere with a 3.1. Make students are the minority at most of these schools. I think the most merit aid was from Loyola. He got $25k there. Most of the others gave him between $20k-24k.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 16:33
Subject: Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
its unclear if he truly wants to go to college or if that is the path that you and your partner have envisioned. Getting a college counselor if he is truly invested is probably the best path so your son can hear it from someone who isn't you
Anonymous
05/18/2025 16:31
Subject: Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Does he have a job? That seems like the best way to spend this summer.
Anonymous
05/18/2025 16:27
Subject: Re:Struggling junior & SAT wake-up call
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My kid got something like a 1130 and just applied TO everywhere. I think his gpa when he applied to college was a 3.1. He got in everywhere with merit aid. Apply smartly and your kid will do fine.
What colleges?
Drexel, UMBC, Seton Hall, Loyola MD, St Joe’s, Manhattan, Duquesne, LaSalle, St Mary’s, Scranton.
With a 3.1 and an 1130 he got merit aid at these schools? No way.