Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My family and friends include a lot of athletic people who went on to D1 or D3 sports Some went professional. None of them are or were bullies. They didn’t have time for that and why would they bully? Who would find pleasure in making someone else feel bad? If anything the frustrated weaker guys playing sports who weren’t gonna make it would take it out on others.

Because as usual sweeping generalizations are often very wrong. There are definitely great athletes who are bullies alongside those who barely made the team or are resentful. It comes down to the individual not the "type".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid, who is also super sarcastic and a bit of a moody loner, is stereotyped by other children as the likely next school shooter. Kids joke about it. They reported him to the counselors, etc.

He is a bit non-conformist and verbally mean. Other kids that think they are sweet, and wonderful, and caring have actually been sabotaging little jerks.

He is usually cheerful at home and we have no risk factors. He hated middle school but high school is much better because there is finally lots of tracking for the brighter and harder working students.

So I'm aware that people feel that my kid is the mean kid but I know for sure that it's not all his personality.

I used to tell people just to leave him alone. No counseling, no jollying, no calling on, no rearranging seats. Just let the bear rest in his cage (school) and there will be no verbal paw swipes.

It's been funny to me to see the outcomes of the "nice
kids" who caused my son problems. They have lost popularity in high school. And one came to realize he falsely overstated my son's issues and caused him real problems. That kid expressed guilt. Good.

oh wow

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My family and friends include a lot of athletic people who went on to D1 or D3 sports Some went professional. None of them are or were bullies. They didn’t have time for that and why would they bully? Who would find pleasure in making someone else feel bad? If anything the frustrated weaker guys playing sports who weren’t gonna make it would take it out on others.

Because as usual sweeping generalizations are often very wrong. There are definitely great athletes who are bullies alongside those who barely made the team or are resentful. It comes down to the individual not the "type".

Anonymous wrote:
My family and friends include a lot of athletic people who went on to D1 or D3 sports Some went professional. None of them are or were bullies. They didn’t have time for that and why would they bully? Who would find pleasure in making someone else feel bad? If anything the frustrated weaker guys playing sports who weren’t gonna make it would take it out on others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oldest 2 boys are probably mean. They exclude other boys and hold weak ones in semi-open disdain. We didn’t teach them to be this way but it came to them naturally.

They’re not cruel, though. The funny thing is they’re rewarded for their behavior by the other boys and girls.

And you know you have to rein it in, instead of writing that out as if you were proud of them?

Disagree. They’re not cruel and it helps them socially. They were raised to be strong, so not sure why I’d try to teach them something different after all these years.

I am proud of their strength, and I should be. DH and I made choices to raise good men, and we got what we wanted.

How does it show strength when they are disdainful of weaker children??? I see plenty of strong young men around my children's school and they have nothing to prove to anyone, no need to show off by bullying others. I see kids like your sons and they don't look strong, they look ridiculous. And if you're not sure why you'd teach your sons to be something other than "mean" (your words, in your first post), then you're probably beyond help.

Good question. As DH explains it, boys need hierarchy. Our two oldest exclude those who try to buck it. I should have been more clear.

This forum has a feminine take on protecting the weak. However, because my boys are strong, I don’t always agree with that reflex. Moms I know with strong sons think the way I do.

Do you mean physically strong? Tall and big? Socially adept? Good looking? I sincerely don’t even know what in the actual hell you are talking about.

“As DH explains it, boys need hierarchy” made me lol though. Glad your husband is around to explain these things.

I have

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

So, you met DH and decided “screw all of the humanitarian values I formerly held. Let’s do a complete 180, go full social Darwin and raise a couple of Andrew Tates”.

I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you were not, in fact, a huge Democrat.

Proudly voted for John Kerry in 2004. Thought W was a war criminal. Still think he’s an idiot. Don’t love Trump either but Harris was nothing but fake credentials.

That’s not how it worked. I had and have my same values. DH simply pointed out that many of those policies don’t work. For instance, I used to think we should spend more on schools for kids. DH would point out that funding has increased a lot since before we were born and kids are not getting smarter. It was like this on all sorts of topics where my values and policy effectiveness didn’t always mesh.

It’s sad you think boys like mine are “Andrew Tate.” There are lots of types of men other than Tate and Democratic husbands. My boys will make great husbands one day just like their father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

So, you met DH and decided “screw all of the humanitarian values I formerly held. Let’s do a complete 180, go full social Darwin and raise a couple of Andrew Tates”.

I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you were not, in fact, a huge Democrat.

Proudly voted for John Kerry in 2004. Thought W was a war criminal. Still think he’s an idiot. Don’t love Trump either but Harris was nothing but fake credentials.

That’s not how it worked. I had and have my same values. DH simply pointed out that many of those policies don’t work. For instance, I used to think we should spend more on schools for kids. DH would point out that funding has increased a lot since before we were born and kids are not getting smarter. It was like this on all sorts of topics where my values and policy effectiveness didn’t always mesh.

It’s sad you think boys like mine are “Andrew Tate.” There are lots of types of men other than Tate and Democratic husbands. My boys will make great husbands one day just like their father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

So, you met DH and decided “screw all of the humanitarian values I formerly held. Let’s do a complete 180, go full social Darwin and raise a couple of Andrew Tates”.

I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you were not, in fact, a huge Democrat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

So, you met DH and decided “screw all of the humanitarian values I formerly held. Let’s do a complete 180, go full social Darwin and raise a couple of Andrew Tates”.

I’m gonna go ahead and guess that you were not, in fact, a huge Democrat.

Anonymous wrote:My kid, who is also super sarcastic and a bit of a moody loner, is stereotyped by other children as the likely next school shooter. Kids joke about it. They reported him to the counselors, etc.

He is a bit non-conformist and verbally mean. Other kids that think they are sweet, and wonderful, and caring have actually been sabotaging little jerks.

He is usually cheerful at home and we have no risk factors. He hated middle school but high school is much better because there is finally lots of tracking for the brighter and harder working students.

So I'm aware that people feel that my kid is the mean kid but I know for sure that it's not all his personality.

I used to tell people just to leave him alone. No counseling, no jollying, no calling on, no rearranging seats. Just let the bear rest in his cage (school) and there will be no verbal paw swipes.

It's been funny to me to see the outcomes of the "nice
kids" who caused my son problems. They have lost popularity in high school. And one came to realize he falsely overstated my son's issues and caused him real problems. That kid expressed guilt. Good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

Empathy is not the problem. Stupidity is. We could use more open-hearted empathy paired with some critical thinking. But both are in very short supply these days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The strongest kids are the ones who buck the hierarchy and look out for the vulnerable. The weakest are afraid to disrupt the status quo.

I am concerned that the "strong Mom" who says her husband tells her boys need hierarchy may not be uncommon.
As the parent of girls, whom I guess need protecting because of my feminist slant (eye roll), I would hope I have raised my kids to steer far, far away from these kids

Any hints on how to do that other than to raise them to respect themselves and be kind to others?

Fellow girl mom here - the boys like PP describes aren't maybe so bad because if they hold other kids in semi-open disdain, they are easy to spot. The problem gets to be (like Brock Turner mentioned above) when people are in a vulnerable position around these boys/men. AFAIK the only solution to that is to steer far away and travel in packs in vulnerable situations.

The guys who are even more scary are the ones who are able to conceal the disdain - the type people call narcissists these days, though I think that word is horrifically overused.

PP here. Your daughters will have no problem avoiding boys like mine because they are openly MAGA. You may be surprised that your daughter may change her behavior to win their favor because they are quite popular with the girls. It probably won’t surprise anyone that they are lax bros.

I was talking with a mom of a high-achieving girl (headed to an high Ivy purely on academics), who confessed her daughter hides her views so as to not offend similar boys at a different school. Thought it was interesting because I was a huge Democrat before meeting DH. It’s not always bad to change the way you see politics.

Also, it seems like there is an obsession with empathy. Too much empathy isn’t good either.

My kids care much more about their religion than their politics. As they should, given our religion says it's primary and politics is only good in it's place.

But we don't like the empathy obsession either. Feeling along with people doesn't you help them the way sympathy (feeling FOR them) does.

And you've misread our politics by the way. You can consider my politics, and my principals, to basically be The Dispatchp. And for now at least my girls agree.