Being a nice parent doesn’t mean you’re a good parent. I teach high schoolers and the difference between the kids who have involved parents who hold their kids accountable for a high standard of character and the kids whose parents just say “they’re kids” or let everything slide is vast.

Anonymous wrote:You have no idea what we’ve gone through with one of our kids and what we have done. We don’t need some random parent telling us things we know. So we have basically avoided all social events in the community because we don’t need your judgement. Our other kid is a nice rule following kid so we must do something right….

Do us a favor and don’t feel the need to say hi if you don’t want to be sincere and if you just want to gossip about the struggles we have with our one teen.

I hope you recognize the struggles that other kids must go through because of yours and you have as much compassion for them as you demand from other people.

Anonymous wrote:The parents really aren’t that nice behind closed doors. Kids who are truly a-holes learn that at home first.

Only one way for you to “know” this.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen some super-nice parents that were basically too nice and didn’t discipline their kids and ended up with little terrors. It definitely happens.

+1. Permissive parenting where the kids become tyrants and/or manipulative, jerks.

Taking a step back: how do you know these things, OP? If you personally have observed this behavior from the kid, then the parents know because the kid does not have an "adult filter." They are either dealing with it (and stressed) or not, but a social event at school is not going to be a place where it comes up, and they are not likely to discuss it with you.

Or, you heard it from kid gossip, which means it may or may not be true.

The latter is far more common than you may think. Two parents I know from two different schools have kids (not in my kid's year) who are huge gossips, make stuff up all the time, and feed their mothers' need for drama. They always believe the kid and file frequent complaints about all kinds of kids and adults (falsely accusing kids of drug use, cheating, etc. Serious stuff). They also are the ones who orchestrate ways to exclude kids from activities in a really intentional and toxic way. After years of this, the kids end up having a hard time keeping friends, which the moms then call bullying. But really, it's their kid.

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Anonymous wrote:And the parents truly don’t seem to know.

It makes it really awkward when the parents come up to chit chat at a school concert or whatever and seem completely oblivious to the fact that their kid torments your kid or that their kid drinks a lot and cheats on tests.

We know more than one family like this where the parents could not be any nicer. It is so bizarre.

These nice people are fine with other adults socially. But they are much more likely than not completely given-up, rotten parents who don’t say no and don’t give a damn what they’re raising. They think they love their kids more than others who set limits and say no. It’s a pattern established when their kids were still in toddlerhood.

That’s your narrative and you’re sticking to it!

I know, it’s so hard! It’s the world’s fault you’re a sh!tty mom 😢

That’s all you. You get to take full credit for your narrative since it isn’t based on reality at all. Congrats!

Only some failure mom who has f’ed up forever would be as flinty as you are. Good luck, babe - your kid is a mess and you know it. 😘

More baseless fiction. So delusional and needlessly nasty. Your kids are probably the a-holes who bullied my kid.

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Anonymous wrote:Don’t hang out with them. Say hello and keep walking.

This is so horrible. I went through a period where I was struggling with my DC. Know what made it even more hellish? Being iced out and avoided by the entire community. It was a really traumatic time in my life (kids ended up having multiple disabilities) and the community basically blaming me for the way my kid was wired put it over the edge. You can engage with the parents without involving their children, especially at this age.

Ah, you got your kids a bunch of labels to excuse your bad parenting. I've seen this too. Find parents who did the same. You'll have company. But don't go to the good parents whose kids are really struggling with those labels and don't mistreat others - they might ice you too. Well, actually, they might be hanging out with me.

No. You say that to make yourself feel superior. Who knows, that may be the case for some families, but not ours. I’m a seasoned educator with an excellent track record for classroom management. This type of judgement is just so hateful.

The PP clearly has some labels herself. Unfortunately for the rest of us, they aren't well managed.

Perfect illustration of the reception your labeled child is going to recieve once they leave home.

Seems deserved if they are acting like an a-hole to others as the PP is.

Anonymous wrote:The parents really aren’t that nice behind closed doors. Kids who are truly a-holes learn that at home first.

Yes. I was an ahole kid who learned from my agile Dad. My Mom was the sweetest thing and it truly made her sad that I made her an outcast and nobody ever invited me to play dates or birthday parties. I refuse to allow my daughters to be like me and they are not.

Anonymous wrote:My brother was a major a-hole- my parents were nice, tried everything at home —my mom was even a nurse at the HS so there was a direct line to her. He was the middle child between me and my sister. It was not the parents. You should have seen the battles behind closed doors. He was born that way..lol

As an adult, he’s nothing like that. He’s a teacher- great friend, etc…can still be a dk to me and my sister at times- but now gets along great with my mom and they literally hated each other HS/college

+1

We have been friendly with a certain family for a long time (2 of their 3 kids are in our own kids’ grades)- and 2 of their 3 teens are sooo nice. One is just about the nicest kid I have ever met. But one of the kids? So so mean, and has always been that way. The parents are nice so maybe he too will grow out of it?

Also I think some otherwise decent kids go through mean phases, especially around the middle school years. I was bullied so terribly by 2 girls in middle school that I wanted to be homeschooled, but in HS they were nice to me (and to everyone else too). I even became friendly with one of the girls later in HS. One of my DS was bullied in middle school but (now in HS) the boy and his group leave my DS alone (and don’t bully anyone as far as I know- other than one boy who is still jerky, and was apparently cast out of the group). And in all cases above this was definitely targeted bullying over an extended period.

My brother was a major a-hole- my parents were nice, tried everything at home —my mom was even a nurse at the HS so there was a direct line to her. He was the middle child between me and my sister. It was not the parents. You should have seen the battles behind closed doors. He was born that way..lol

As an adult, he’s nothing like that. He’s a teacher- great friend, etc…can still be a dk to me and my sister at times- but now gets along great with my mom and they literally hated each other HS/college

Don’t confuse charm with kindness and respect.

Anonymous wrote:The parents really aren’t that nice behind closed doors. Kids who are truly a-holes learn that at home first.

+1000

Amazing that teen parents don’t think a lot of HS students don’t cheat and drink.
Agree bullying is a problem but in some cases, the bully was bullied themselves in ES. Coming from a K-12 situation you see this fairly often.

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Anonymous wrote:Don’t hang out with them. Say hello and keep walking.

This is so horrible. I went through a period where I was struggling with my DC. Know what made it even more hellish? Being iced out and avoided by the entire community. It was a really traumatic time in my life (kids ended up having multiple disabilities) and the community basically blaming me for the way my kid was wired put it over the edge. You can engage with the parents without involving their children, especially at this age.

Ah, you got your kids a bunch of labels to excuse your bad parenting. I've seen this too. Find parents who did the same. You'll have company. But don't go to the good parents whose kids are really struggling with those labels and don't mistreat others - they might ice you too. Well, actually, they might be hanging out with me.

No. You say that to make yourself feel superior. Who knows, that may be the case for some families, but not ours. I’m a seasoned educator with an excellent track record for classroom management. This type of judgement is just so hateful.

The PP clearly has some labels herself. Unfortunately for the rest of us, they aren't well managed.

Perfect illustration of the reception your labeled child is going to recieve once they leave home.

I think a lot of the moms would be appalled at their son’s behavior if you told them what they did to your daughter. As a mother, I think it’s your responsibility to tell them. I’d want to know if my daughter was bullying someone. Trust me, she’d hear no end of it at home until she completely repented and apologized to the other kid, and she’d be losing privileges for a long time.

I’ve actually distanced myself from mom friends because their daughters were absolute horrors to my kids. And I told them we could be friends, but their daughters could not hang out with mine. It was awkward but in hindsight I should have done it much sooner. The moms are not really aware of how badly behaved their kids are.