Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he say why he wants a divorce? Did he meet someone else, or is he just generally unhappy in the marriage? If it is the former, get out now. If it is the latter, perhaps he is having a mid-life or existential crisis that is not wholly about the marriage. In that case, you need to decide if it worth the effort to convince him to go to counseling, etc.

As if “I’m unhappy, I deserve more,” is an actual reason when you have a spouse, kids and a house.

He’s hiding the real reason. You’ll know eventually, but not now.

Unfortunately, a lot of divorces are for just that reason. Some people are selfish and will always but their own happiness first.

That’s a false facade “reason”.

The real reason is they don’t want to do the work to be a good life partner or spouse or parent so just drudge along, dump all the work into their partner, get ignored back…..

Then one day they run into their friend Jimmy who is divorced and thinks it’s easy and great! For him. Fun weekends and trips with the kids!

And so he threatens divorce and wants to hit the Reset button solo or with a new woman, instead of patch things up with his wife and mother of his kids. It’s easier that way. For him.

On the way out he claims they fell out of love, he has no idea how, he’ll be happy, no pesky roommates demanding things of him.

PP was describing women. It’s women who are selfish and act this way. Women initiate most divorces.

Women initiate most divorces because they are basically single parents who are married. When you are doing all the work, there is no reason to stay married to a man not pulling his weight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Did he say why he wants one? It's unusual for the man to be the one to leave, as 80% or more of divorces are initiated by the woman.

Yeah and in the 20% where the man initiates it's ALWAYS because he has a side piece. Women don't need a side piece to leave crappy marriages. They just do it.

If the man is not cheating, and not being overly physically abusive, then why would the marriage be crappy?

People seem to divorce over every little thing these days, rather than being adults and sticking it out and learning to live with someone. Is why divorce rates are sky high now, going from 5% in the 1940s to over 65% now.

Wait, you think only physical abuse makes for a crappy marriage?

+1. Here are some things: emotional abuse, financial abuse, unilaterally making life decisions about where to live, marital rape, not doing any childcare at all, no sex for years, no partnership at all, etc. Many reasons for a crappy marriage.

NO ONE I know who divorced did it over a "little thing." People divorce now because women can have a career. Duh.

Anonymous wrote:I stopped threatening divorce as a means to resolve a conflict that had been going on for 8 years and was a severe issue but not divorce-worthy when my spouse took me seriously and moved out and asked for counseling. I didn't want a divorce, but I felt hopeless about resolving the issue. The issue will never be resolved but will mostly disappear when our kids become adults. I only threatened divorce because I was feeling hopeless.

Threatening divorce is abusive. I divorced my ex-husband for that eventually. He had plenty of warnings to stop doing it.

If you want proof of an AP (IF there is one), your lawyer will have a PI recommendation. in my case i found what i was looking for in the phone records and then was able to catch them on a weekend away. It’s not really going to matter for my proceedings, but it does help me when he gaslights me with BS about how it’s all my fault. It’s not going to matter in court, but it might matter with our families. And so it’s just nice to have so he can’t pretend like I made it up.

You will get through this OP, and you will start to feel less like crap in time. I swear. It’s been over a year now for me and all that’s really left is relief for myself. Some fears about finances and concerns about how it will affect the kids, but, on a personal level, feel 1000 pounds lighter.

Stop with the "lawyer up" advice. That is the worst advice.

If your husband wants a divorce, you try to do it amicably if you have kids. You also don't fight. No reason to. 50/50 of marital assets, 50/50 custody and call it a day.

Lawyering up takes your money, makes it hostile and chances are, you still are getting 50/50 no matter what. Don't lawyer up to pay to get an agreement you can do yourself.

Once someone says they want a divorce, they have already decided (and usually they have been thinking about it for years).

Get an agreement and that is it. Go to a mediator who is also an attorney to draft it. Have your own lawyer review it. You can pay hourly for that.

DO NOT get friends and family involved. That makes it worse.

DO NOT tell kids until you have a PLAN of how they will live after a divorce and a schedule.

I’m sorry OP. I would start the divorce process. Who wants to be with someone who doesn’t want them? Kids or not, you have only one life to live.

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Get out without spending a ton of money on a lawyer

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Did he say why he wants one? It's unusual for the man to be the one to leave, as 80% or more of divorces are initiated by the woman.

Yeah and in the 20% where the man initiates it's ALWAYS because he has a side piece. Women don't need a side piece to leave crappy marriages. They just do it.

If the man is not cheating, and not being overly physically abusive, then why would the marriage be crappy?

People seem to divorce over every little thing these days, rather than being adults and sticking it out and learning to live with someone. Is why divorce rates are sky high now, going from 5% in the 1940s to over 65% now.

Oh... he wasn't being OVERLY physically abusive. He just slaps her around a little bit. Nothing to divorce over!

/s

Men don't want therapy, they want a loving wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t divorce if you have kids. You owe to your kids to remain married. Just separate and regulatly meet for dinners and spend time together with the kids. Be good coparents. Oh and be sure to meet for booty calls weekly or whatever works for both of you. While this is not conventional, it is still better than divorce.

How do you stay married to someone against their will?

drag out the divorce

Anonymous wrote:Get a lawyer and file first.

Why? That seems really immature.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Did he say why he wants one? It's unusual for the man to be the one to leave, as 80% or more of divorces are initiated by the woman.

Yeah and in the 20% where the man initiates it's ALWAYS because he has a side piece. Women don't need a side piece to leave crappy marriages. They just do it.

If the man is not cheating, and not being overly physically abusive, then why would the marriage be crappy?

People seem to divorce over every little thing these days, rather than being adults and sticking it out and learning to live with someone. Is why divorce rates are sky high now, going from 5% in the 1940s to over 65% now.

Wait, you think only physical abuse makes for a crappy marriage?

Define "crappy marriage" that doesn't involve physical abuse, that you cannot fix by being an adult and working on the relationship. Heck, even physical abuse can be overcome and stopped.

Umm... you've obviously never been married to someone with mental health issues who refuses to treat them.

It is not possible to do couples therapy under some circumstances. I tried with five therapists.

Sometimes things end no matter how much effort you put into them. I used to think like you, but life has taught me otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Did he say why he wants one? It's unusual for the man to be the one to leave, as 80% or more of divorces are initiated by the woman.

Yeah and in the 20% where the man initiates it's ALWAYS because he has a side piece. Women don't need a side piece to leave crappy marriages. They just do it.

If the man is not cheating, and not being overly physically abusive, then why would the marriage be crappy?

People seem to divorce over every little thing these days, rather than being adults and sticking it out and learning to live with someone. Is why divorce rates are sky high now, going from 5% in the 1940s to over 65% now.

Wait, you think only physical abuse makes for a crappy marriage?

Define "crappy marriage" that doesn't involve physical abuse, that you cannot fix by being an adult and working on the relationship. Heck, even physical abuse can be overcome and stopped.

I can't argue with simpletons.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Did he say why he wants one? It's unusual for the man to be the one to leave, as 80% or more of divorces are initiated by the woman.

Yeah and in the 20% where the man initiates it's ALWAYS because he has a side piece. Women don't need a side piece to leave crappy marriages. They just do it.

If the man is not cheating, and not being overly physically abusive, then why would the marriage be crappy?

People seem to divorce over every little thing these days, rather than being adults and sticking it out and learning to live with someone. Is why divorce rates are sky high now, going from 5% in the 1940s to over 65% now.

Wait, you think only physical abuse makes for a crappy marriage?

Define "crappy marriage" that doesn't involve physical abuse, that you cannot fix by being an adult and working on the relationship. Heck, even physical abuse can be overcome and stopped.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been having a meltdown since he told me and I can’t sleep. Does anyone have any good marriage advice in addition to going to therapy ?

Did he say why he wants one? It's unusual for the man to be the one to leave, as 80% or more of divorces are initiated by the woman.

Yeah and in the 20% where the man initiates it's ALWAYS because he has a side piece. Women don't need a side piece to leave crappy marriages. They just do it.

If the man is not cheating, and not being overly physically abusive, then why would the marriage be crappy?

People seem to divorce over every little thing these days, rather than being adults and sticking it out and learning to live with someone. Is why divorce rates are sky high now, going from 5% in the 1940s to over 65% now.

Wait, you think only physical abuse makes for a crappy marriage?