I sahm, and don't regret that but I do regret many many other things, including not taking advantage of deep desires because I was swayed by outside popular opinions. I took back my choices around a year ago and am much more satisfied. People try to nay say everything, if it calls you, listen. Take all this advice lightly, you know all the details of your own situation better than internet strangers, better than your friends and family. I always regretted not going with my initial instincts but at least I learned my lesson, even if it had to be the hard way.

That said, I personally would never leave 400k to sahm, unless spouse made a secure minimum of 1m AND I was burning out. It's easy to choose sahm when your earning potential is lower than a significant portion of the hhi. If I had 400k, I couldn't give up those financial benefits for my kids and I, even knowing how nice we have it now, I'd give this up (barring a toxic workplace or other hardship)

I ask the same questions of myself. My youngest is 2 but I have 2 older children too.

I enjoy and like my work. Make 165k. It’s very hard to walk away. If I knew I could get back in easier it wouldn’t be a hard decision. Financially we could make it work on dhs 165k salary and we don’t have a mortgage.

Kids benefit from seeing a role model mommy work, too. It’s important to see Mom fulfilled and financially capable. They know that a career can be rewarding and satisfying.

Anonymous wrote:Your kids will never forget that they felt loved by a SAHM.

Or feel smothered! I wish my mom would have worked instead of focusing only on me.

Your kids will never forget that they felt loved by a SAHM.

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Anonymous wrote:There’s no way I would quit under your circumstances. Only if one of the kids has special needs.

They all have needs.

You clearly don’t have a special needs child, pp. I have one with mild needs and one with severe needs. The amount of work the high needs child requires is amazing. You truly have no idea.

Nothing meant to take away from the unrelenting demands of special needs. The point that NT kids need their parents too.

And the needs of 2 neurotypical children can easily be met when both parents work.

False

+1 Many people lack the executive functioning skills to manage children, work and household responsibilities!

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Anonymous wrote:There’s no way I would quit under your circumstances. Only if one of the kids has special needs.

They all have needs.

You clearly don’t have a special needs child, pp. I have one with mild needs and one with severe needs. The amount of work the high needs child requires is amazing. You truly have no idea.

Nothing meant to take away from the unrelenting demands of special needs. The point that NT kids need their parents too.

And the needs of 2 neurotypical children can easily be met when both parents work.

False

Anonymous wrote:As a long-time SAHM of high schoolers, I freely admit that I am not very fulfilled. I was much happier when the kids were around more and I had more to do to take care of them. Now I am basically just a chauffer, cook and therapist. I think (hope) they appreciate me, but I was much more fulfilled when they were younger. Also, I have always been a SAHM and my salary was low when I quit, so the financial aspect was not a big deal for us.

Not to pile on you, but the financial aspect IS a big deal for anyone who quits. Your salary might have been low then but it would have grown over time and you haven't paid into social security or any kind of retirement. It's a lot of lost wealth.

Too many people do not look at big picture when quitting work and just look at current cash flow.

Anonymous wrote:On the flip side, now I hear from two friends in their 50s who were SHMs and they can’t get back into the workforce. They’ve forgotten a lot, didn’t keep up with changes, etc. They are regretting that they left the workforce.

And they see their peers (and younger women) who have stuck or are sticking it out and get the titles and jobs for which the SAHMs could’ve been on track. But they can never catch up. If you’re ok with that OP, and you can make the numbers work, do it.

But plenty of people do it all without the same level of support you have (less money, single parents, less outsourcing, etc.). Also, you WFH two days a week. That’s huge.

If you can give up 400K/year and not really notice it, that’s a huge level of privilege.

As a long-time SAHM of high schoolers, I freely admit that I am not very fulfilled. I was much happier when the kids were around more and I had more to do to take care of them. Now I am basically just a chauffer, cook and therapist. I think (hope) they appreciate me, but I was much more fulfilled when they were younger. Also, I have always been a SAHM and my salary was low when I quit, so the financial aspect was not a big deal for us.

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Anonymous wrote:Why not find help for the things that stress you out (still can find solutions for dinner and household chores) so you can maximize time with your kids?

I'd only quit as a last resort. The years go SO fast. I feel like I definitely had your thoughts from time to time when my kids were younger but I stayed in the workforce and now that they are in MS and HS, I am SO glad!!

But you have to trust you gut. good luck.

The years going by so fast is, for me, both an argument to leave work (they’re little for such a short period!) and to stay (why tank my career for such a short season).

OP, good luck. Mine are not quite as old as yours, but I’ve been considering some consulting work instead of FT work. As they grow, it seems we get busier instead of less busy.

+1 my DH is consider leaving his job for the same reasons as you (though he makes a little less and has much less flexibility). If you can make it work financially for your HH, I don't think you will regret it.

No question you can "make it work" at that salary (so can we) but a question of stress, time with kids, just feeling harried all the time etc. it's tradeoffs no matter what.

I think the years your kids are little go by so fast and you can never get that time back. if you want to enjoy your kids while they’re still kids, quit your job. You can always go back to work later (even if it’s not at the same level/isn’t easy) but you can never get that time back w your kids. It’s too precious to give up that time w them unless your family really needs your income to get by which it sounds like you don’t.

Don't do it now.

Economy is uncertain.

- SAH just after Great Recession and the uncertainty wasn't great

Anonymous wrote:Nobody regrets being a SAHM.

Disagree entirely. I made it five months and I missed work, adult contact and the paycheck. My daughter missed her friends and routine from pre-school. We both were much happier when I went back to the office.

I did limit the commute as much as possible, have hard end times to focus on family, and had my husband help with pick ups a few times per month.

What time do you get home from work on those 3 days?

What do kids do after school?