PP again. Of course I realize now I never told her how much I loved those rare occasions!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents put me in aftercare and before care, same as your schedule. It was fine at the time bc it's all I knew. But I always longed for spending more time with them. Basically that experience is what made me never want to work FT as a mom though I did have to work part-time and she was I childcare ~6hrs/day until starting school.

putting you in after/before care wasn’t the problem if you feel this way. It was the time they neglected you between aftercare and before care and then on the weekends, that has led to your trauma.

I’m not the poster you’re replying to but I felt similarly to her. You don’t realize that the limited time my parents had between aftercare and before care and on the weekends was necessary for them to do the myriad of other things they had to do to take care of us (grocery shop, clean the house, cook, run errands etc). And they also needed a little time to themselves which they rarely took, since they were exhausted all the time. They were not neglecting me— they just had no flexibility to live less frazzled lives and definitely did not make enough to pay for help. I hated coming home to an empty house and would have loved knowing my mom was home, even if she was in a home office mostly, because it just felt so much less lonely when a parent was home even if I didn’t interact much with them as a sullen teen/ preteen. I loved the days when she got off work early or had a holiday and was home before me— there was always a candle lit and a small snack waiting and maybe some old timey music on the cd player.

Anonymous wrote:My parents put me in aftercare and before care, same as your schedule. It was fine at the time bc it's all I knew. But I always longed for spending more time with them. Basically that experience is what made me never want to work FT as a mom though I did have to work part-time and she was I childcare ~6hrs/day until starting school.

putting you in after/before care wasn’t the problem if you feel this way. It was the time they neglected you between aftercare and before care and then on the weekends, that has led to your trauma.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate that and have avoided doing that to my child through conscious choices. Some things that have worked for us included hiring a nanny when the child was young and reducing hours to work part time. Of course that was all done in a thoughtful manner with lots of planning. Times are suddenly tough now that the meanest of the bullies are in charge and no one has been given the courtesy of time to make alternative plans. It's not easy to hire a good nanny with less than a week's notice to work in the office fulltime with NO flexibility to telework. Sadly it is families and children who are being effected the most. Every family has to do what they have to do to survive.

I agree with you that what Trump is doing is a new horror everyday... but if all these WFH parents didn't already have childcare set up, they're part of the problem. You can't fully work from home after the kids get off the bus. I thought it was a requirement to prove you had childcare.

I kept my nanny even after my youngest went to kindergarten. She really didn't work that much on a daily basis, but it was invaluable to have her to get the kids off the bus, cover days off, and be there for summer break.

Flexibility with telework does not mean that the parent is neglecting work to care for their child. Telework allows a parent to pick their child up from school (off the clock) and allows them to work from home before the child is awake in the morning, or after dinner when another parent is home, or on the weekend. Or maybe it's an older child who doesn't need constant support, but just likes someone in the home with them for safety and comfort.

But come on, anyone who has kids at home understands the reality of the situation. Just because you write it doesn’t mean it is.

Anonymous wrote:I hate that and have avoided doing that to my child through conscious choices. Some things that have worked for us included hiring a nanny when the child was young and reducing hours to work part time. Of course that was all done in a thoughtful manner with lots of planning. Times are suddenly tough now that the meanest of the bullies are in charge and no one has been given the courtesy of time to make alternative plans. It's not easy to hire a good nanny with less than a week's notice to work in the office fulltime with NO flexibility to telework. Sadly it is families and children who are being effected the most. Every family has to do what they have to do to survive.

Are you saying one on one time with a nanny is preferable to learning and playing with a group of peer and caregivers? If yes, please explain how it is definitively better?

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s sad, though. However, my neighbors had their kid in daycare or camp 12 hours a day every day year round. Even sadder.

how is that sad??? Sitting at home all day with you could be considered sad, based on what we see in your response.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hate that and have avoided doing that to my child through conscious choices. Some things that have worked for us included hiring a nanny when the child was young and reducing hours to work part time. Of course that was all done in a thoughtful manner with lots of planning. Times are suddenly tough now that the meanest of the bullies are in charge and no one has been given the courtesy of time to make alternative plans. It's not easy to hire a good nanny with less than a week's notice to work in the office fulltime with NO flexibility to telework. Sadly it is families and children who are being effected the most. Every family has to do what they have to do to survive.[/quote]

I agree with you that what Trump is doing is a new horror everyday... but if all these WFH parents didn't already have childcare set up, they're part of the problem. You can't fully work from home after the kids get off the bus. I thought it was a requirement to prove you had childcare.

I kept my nanny even after my youngest went to kindergarten. She really didn't work that much on a daily basis, but it was invaluable to have her to get the kids off the bus, cover days off, and be there for summer break. [/quote]

8 hours 5 days is normal wage. Covering double commutes plus increases traffic is 9-11 hours at 5 days is 5-15 hour overtime.
And you can work from home with kids if needed for an hour. Depends on ages and set up. If I start working at 6 and take my kid to school from 800-830, work 830-230 and then they come home that 8 hours or say the spouse drops off and WAH does 6-230. Or both parents WAH and shift their hours earlier and later.
If childcare is a requirement then no one should be required to respond on off hours..you want a call at 7pm sorry I don't have childcare. No one expects childcare on a snow day but still wants work done, somehow The work gets done during a snow day without a full day of care. The flexibility goes both ways.
Also COVID decimated childcare providers and a lot didn't go back or reopen. It's just not the same landscape for hours, coverage, or cost.

This is exactly why we've stayed in our city neighborhood despite concerns about school quality or crime. Ultimately we had to pick our poison, and we've prioritized short commutes that let us see our kids more. Our offices are each within 10 min of our kids' school and it means we can drop them off at 8:30 and pick up by 5:15 most days, and sometimes earlier, and we can also pop over to the school easily for middle of the day events, etc.

Really not saying this as a brag, just adding in my two cents on how some families avoid those kinds of hours. I'm sure many (most?) would think we're making the wrong choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate that and have avoided doing that to my child through conscious choices. Some things that have worked for us included hiring a nanny when the child was young and reducing hours to work part time. Of course that was all done in a thoughtful manner with lots of planning. Times are suddenly tough now that the meanest of the bullies are in charge and no one has been given the courtesy of time to make alternative plans. It's not easy to hire a good nanny with less than a week's notice to work in the office fulltime with NO flexibility to telework. Sadly it is families and children who are being effected the most. Every family has to do what they have to do to survive.

I agree with you that what Trump is doing is a new horror everyday... but if all these WFH parents didn't already have childcare set up, they're part of the problem. You can't fully work from home after the kids get off the bus. I thought it was a requirement to prove you had childcare.

I kept my nanny even after my youngest went to kindergarten. She really didn't work that much on a daily basis, but it was invaluable to have her to get the kids off the bus, cover days off, and be there for summer break.

Flexibility with telework does not mean that the parent is neglecting work to care for their child. Telework allows a parent to pick their child up from school (off the clock) and allows them to work from home before the child is awake in the morning, or after dinner when another parent is home, or on the weekend. Or maybe it's an older child who doesn't need constant support, but just likes someone in the home with them for safety and comfort.

Anonymous wrote:I hate that and have avoided doing that to my child through conscious choices. Some things that have worked for us included hiring a nanny when the child was young and reducing hours to work part time. Of course that was all done in a thoughtful manner with lots of planning. Times are suddenly tough now that the meanest of the bullies are in charge and no one has been given the courtesy of time to make alternative plans. It's not easy to hire a good nanny with less than a week's notice to work in the office fulltime with NO flexibility to telework. Sadly it is families and children who are being effected the most. Every family has to do what they have to do to survive.

I agree with you that what Trump is doing is a new horror everyday... but if all these WFH parents didn't already have childcare set up, they're part of the problem. You can't fully work from home after the kids get off the bus. I thought it was a requirement to prove you had childcare.

I kept my nanny even after my youngest went to kindergarten. She really didn't work that much on a daily basis, but it was invaluable to have her to get the kids off the bus, cover days off, and be there for summer break.

I hate that and have avoided doing that to my child through conscious choices. Some things that have worked for us included hiring a nanny when the child was young and reducing hours to work part time. Of course that was all done in a thoughtful manner with lots of planning. Times are suddenly tough now that the meanest of the bullies are in charge and no one has been given the courtesy of time to make alternative plans. It's not easy to hire a good nanny with less than a week's notice to work in the office fulltime with NO flexibility to telework. Sadly it is families and children who are being effected the most. Every family has to do what they have to do to survive.

My parents put me in aftercare and before care, same as your schedule. It was fine at the time bc it's all I knew. But I always longed for spending more time with them. Basically that experience is what made me never want to work FT as a mom though I did have to work part-time and she was I childcare ~6hrs/day until starting school.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's sad that a kiss life anymore is school, childcare, homework, extracurriculars rinse and repeat. No time for much else, when I was a kid/teen I was out of the house alot, but it was more than likely playing/hanging out with friends in an unorganized way.

My kids' time at aftercare IS playing with friends in an unorganized way. They just have a big playground, library, and a lot of games and craft materials on hand. A couple hours every day with their best friends. I work at home once a week and they can come home directly those days if they want to but sometimes opt to stay and play.

8 hours is normal and nothing to be concerned about. 11 hours is not common though. Most families with two working parents have one go in early and the other late so they only need before or after care not both.

OP you said your kids are at school for 11 hours! That’s very different from 8 hours.