Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I’d run a background check not only on her but also the child’s father. If she has issues with him, he will have issues with your son too. You hope that he’s not dangerous.

And also just wanted to say sorry, OP. This sounds like a tough situation. I would be extremely unhappy too given your description of her. Don’t do anything rash though, you don’t want to push her away and make them feel like it’s them vs. the world.

I am very tempted to do that. I get a bad vibe from the whole situation. I just don't trust her, I don't see what, other than good sex, has prompted my son to be attracted to her.

Of course you don't. You only see what you want to see. Is your son handsome and charming or mediocre? He probably feels like he hit the jackpot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I’d run a background check not only on her but also the child’s father. If she has issues with him, he will have issues with your son too. You hope that he’s not dangerous.

And also just wanted to say sorry, OP. This sounds like a tough situation. I would be extremely unhappy too given your description of her. Don’t do anything rash though, you don’t want to push her away and make them feel like it’s them vs. the world.

I am very tempted to do that. I get a bad vibe from the whole situation. I just don't trust her, I don't see what, other than good sex, has prompted my son to be attracted to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she a hot mess? Actually, it doesn't matter. Stop meddling and leave them alone.

No education. No stable job. She lives with her parents. Problems with the child's father.

I can't leave it alone. He wants me to accept her like I accepted all of his ex-gfs.

Er, how many ex-gf has this 23 year old had?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


He does but he will ruin his life if he pursues a more serious relationship with her. A 29 yo who doesn't know what to do with her life. Who relies on others to support her child. Who can't even support herself. That's not a life, that's freeloading.


The more you come back to post, the worse you sound. Just FYI.

Disagree. I do not think OP is awful at all. I would feel the exact same way. But he is an adult, and there is nothing OP can really do directly. In addition to the suggestions I made above about getting another family female (preferably his generation) to talk to him, another way is to ask questions about who really looks after the child now. Is it the GF or has she ceded all those parental responsibilities to her parents since she is living at home? A 29 yo without education, job and living at home with parents is indeed a freeloader.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is she a hot mess? Actually, it doesn't matter. Stop meddling and leave them alone.

No education. No stable job. She lives with her parents. Problems with the child's father.

I can't leave it alone. He wants me to accept her like I accepted all of his ex-gfs.

Anonymous wrote:

The ONLY concern I would express is to point out to your DS that he needs to do the right thing by the child, and the right thing is to slow walk the relationship. The child already has chaos if there is drama with the biodad. Little kids get bonded and if the relationship flounders they will feel abandoned again. This isn't about liking or not liking the GF, it is about recognizing that unlike it being just two 20 somethings dating there is a little person in the mix and their dating actions could have a huge impact on a child.

This is the most important point.

+1
If biodad is not in the picture, that little boy is going to latch onto a "daddy." And if the relationship ends, it may not only be tough for the child, but for the son. Little kids can be very loveable, especially when they are hungry for affection.

Anonymous wrote:


He does but he will ruin his life if he pursues a more serious relationship with her. A 29 yo who doesn't know what to do with her life. Who relies on others to support her child. Who can't even support herself. That's not a life, that's freeloading.


The more you come back to post, the worse you sound. Just FYI.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do share back once you meet her.

We've met her. None of us are impressed.

Clearly your son is impressed. Does he have a say in his life?

He does but he will ruin his life if he pursues a more serious relationship with her. A 29 yo who doesn't know what to do with her life. Who relies on others to support her child. Who can't even support herself. That's not a life, that's freeloading.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do share back once you meet her.

We've met her. None of us are impressed.

Clearly your son is impressed. Does he have a say in his life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do share back once you meet her.

We've met her. None of us are impressed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Condoms. Condoms. Condoms. Lord. You need to be nice to her. He will dig in if you don’t. And condoms.

If a woman really wants to get pregnant, there is nothing he can do to prevent that from happening, even with condoms.

Anonymous wrote:Condoms. Condoms. Condoms. Lord. You need to be nice to her. He will dig in if you don’t. And condoms.

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I’d run a background check not only on her but also the child’s father. If she has issues with him, he will have issues with your son too. You hope that he’s not dangerous.

And also just wanted to say sorry, OP. This sounds like a tough situation. I would be extremely unhappy too given your description of her. Don’t do anything rash though, you don’t want to push her away and make them feel like it’s them vs. the world.

The ONLY concern I would express is to point out to your DS that he needs to do the right thing by the child, and the right thing is to slow walk the relationship. The child already has chaos if there is drama with the biodad. Little kids get bonded and if the relationship flounders they will feel abandoned again. This isn't about liking or not liking the GF, it is about recognizing that unlike it being just two 20 somethings dating there is a little person in the mix and their dating actions could have a huge impact on a child.