Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The advice I’ve given is to wait until you’ve achieved your educational goals before starting any relationship, that a partner should Support and encourage your goals, and should always make you feel safe and comfortable.
For maintaining a good relationship, communication and respect and honesty. And remember, you can only control yourself. Your partner may flake, no matter what.

Then this morphs into, “Wait until you have some financial stability,” and the goalposts keep moving. Then you end up spending $100,000 on IVF and still can’t get pregnant. There’s a reason that no women until the last 60 years of recorded history waited until their 30s to get in a relationship and start a family, and it’s not just the patriarchy.

This tbh. Don't overinvest in education and career so much that you aren't dating to marry until your 30s or 40s. You just need something to fall back on if worst comes to worst, not making it your whole lifestyle... If you do, men of value will just pick the young college grad with no fertility concerns / debt / therapy baggage, and there will be no getting those misspent years of your youth back. Those years of your life are priceless - invest them well.

Have your education wrapped up by 24 at the latest, but preferably sooner. That gives you just a few years to find a really good man before your options are limited to the bums already warned about ITT.

Anonymous wrote:The advice I’ve given is to wait until you’ve achieved your educational goals before starting any relationship, that a partner should Support and encourage your goals, and should always make you feel safe and comfortable.
For maintaining a good relationship, communication and respect and honesty. And remember, you can only control yourself. Your partner may flake, no matter what.

Then this morphs into, “Wait until you have some financial stability,” and the goalposts keep moving. Then you end up spending $100,000 on IVF and still can’t get pregnant. There’s a reason that no women until the last 60 years of recorded history waited until their 30s to get in a relationship and start a family, and it’s not just the patriarchy.

Marry a nerd

Anonymous wrote:Find someone like your father. He’s as good a role model you could ever hope for.

Unless he is a narcissistic POS, psychopath, rapist, beater, drunk, druggie, absent, you know?

Very simple one. Marry a man who loves you much more than you love him.

I watch television with my daughter (Gilmore Girls, Never Have I ever, etc), and we talk about what we do and don’t like about the protagonists various boyfriends, what makes them compatible or not, what behavior is creepy vs romantic, etc.
It’s a good way to talk about that stuff without it feeling super personal or like meddling.

Don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys. Because they'll never stay home and they're always alone, even with someone they love.

Emotional maturity is by far the most important. Far too many men struggle in this area IMHO. Especially with bad temper/frustration tolerance.

And I agree with nearly everything else posted as well.

Have your own career/income. Always

Same thing my parents taught us.

The man is not a plan.

I don't tell my adult kids what to do but if I did I'd tell both my son and my daughter to make sure you are sexually compatible before you marry someone and under no circumstances marry a Trump voter.

Luckily they both already knew both.

Live with them for a year, go together through bill payments, cleaning, travel, infections, family gatherings, friend meet ups, company party, pet throwing up, etc to really understand if you two can handle life together or not. I know statistics say otherwise but cohabitation in today's world is a must.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom told me to only marry a man whose job I could understand. My dad is a PhD scientist.

There was a kernel of wisdom in that.

Eh, I don’t understand my husband’s job and I’vebeen married for two decades now.

I doubt advice is about material engineers marrying only material engineers and astronauts only marry astronauts but being intellectually compatible to understand and support each other's struggles.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reality is you are signing a lifelong legal contract with someone and you need to evaluate them separate from the love and more as a business partner who you are legally bound to.

Get a pre-nup. If you can’t have difficult talks about finances, domestic work, and expectations, it’s not the person to marry.

You can always come home and mom will take care of you. I don’t care how old, with how many kids, or how badly you messed up, my door is always open and I will help fix it.

If you are coming in to a marriage with no assets and he has them, isn’t a prenup not in your favor?

Prenups are great for all parties because you have discussions about finances and expectations, and have a contract so if you do divorce, there's no fighting in court.

You can also have a pre-nup that specifies you get pre-marital assets, which is worth negotiating for.

Also a great indicator of a man's character. If his attitude is "the money is all mine and I want things in my favor", you know he's not a great partner. If his attitude is that he wants to make sure you're protected (especially if you'll be staying home with kids), that's good character.

Again, it's like a business. If 2 people started a business and one had more finances to invest while the other had other assets to invest (such as time, expertise, etc) you'd have multiple in-depth discussions and signed contracts about your roles, dividing profits, what happens if you dissolve the business, etc. Marriage is no different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Know mental disorder symptoms and check for them.

Physical disabilities, too? They can be hard to spot sometimes.

I don’t think so. I’ve never had someone struggle in a marriage due to physical disabilities brought into the union. Obviously things can happen as life goes on. But mental illness has absolutely wrecked some marriages I’ve known. It’s just not the same thing to experience in a relationship with someone.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get a tattoo if you want a good man to marry you.

Not true, only good for big, visible or ugly tattoos unless you are Amish.