Anonymous
01/19/2025 02:52
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have lots of thoughts and they may not work for you but I’ve always worked full-time, as has my husband, and our twins are 10 so I haven’t been doing this forever but it’s been a while.
- Your husband needs to help with this responsibility. There is no reason he can’t be equally in charge of food. If his work schedule doesn’t allow him to actually cook at dinner time, he can still come up with meals, place a pick up grocery order, prep stuff, etc.
- Your kids need to also take responsibility for this if they are old enough to talk. They should each come up with a dinner once a week. It is not your job to feed multiple people with no input or help. You have a job. You have other things you do. This shouldn’t be all on you.
- You don’t need to have a perfectly balanced dinner all the time. Pizza is fine. Cereal is fine. Don’t strive for perfection, it’ll drive you crazy. It may seem weird to have a banana on the side of a pasta dish but if you don’t have time to steam broccoli, it’s ok. And, gasp, if you serve a dinner that doesn’t have produce on the side, that’s also ok. No one is going to get scurvy because they didn’t have a fruit or vegetable that night.
- Make easier food. Get a rotisserie chicken instead of making one from scratch, for example. Buy pre-chopped vegetables. Do what you can to make the steps easier sometimes.
- Make dinners that allow for customization. We eat a lot of Mexican food, so every week we grill a big batch of chicken, cook peppers and onions, make guacamole, do a huge pot of rice, and make black beans (from a can, I’m not soaking them for hours or anything). From that we get multiple meals that people can customize. Burritos, fajitas, nachos, quesadillas, bowls, salads, etc. I do similar with Asian dishes - sauté vegetables, cook some chicken and often beef, buy some frozen potstickers. Then we can have stir fry, fried rice, potstickers, meatballs, noodles, etc. Depending on the sauce you want to put on, you can make it Korean, Chinese, Thai, etc. That way everyone gets the flavors (I like spicy, my husband prefers salty) and consistency (one kid likes rice, the other prefers noodles) they want.
Cereal is not a fine dinner. WTF.
Oh stop, a bowl of cereal for dinner once in a while is absolutely fine. The PP didn't suggest cereal for dinner every night. Show a little grace to others and assume good intent.
Breakfast for dinner once a month should be on everyone rotation it’s fun and builds memories.
Breakfast for dinner means eggs and bacon, or pancakes. Not a bowl of Trix. Disgusting.
Anonymous
01/19/2025 02:28
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
Re: variety- I married into an Asian family and came from a boiled vegetable + meat + minute rice family. My family in Asia eats a ton of variety and pretty complex meals. However, this is accomplished by living in a country with high levels of wealth and very low cost imported domestic labor, plus readily available takeout and partly prepared foods and a culture of not cooking your entire meal at home.
So for my relatives in HK, they might have a noodle dish with a complex sauce, meat or tofu that goes with it, and 1-2 vegetables plus fruit. But the fruit is easy to get on their street as are the vegetables and the noodles are prepped around the corner and the meat is from the place downstairs. It’s more like living in NYC and having relatively cheap takeout everywhere but supplementing it with healthy food. Many people in HK of all incomes still have habits from when you didn’t cook much at home and might barely have a kitchen.
And my richer HK relatives (they would be UMC here) all have multiple “helpers” who are cooking all sorts of things depending on where they’re from and who they worked for last. Right now my cousin has 3 helpers, 2 who are from the Philippines but they cook a lot of Thai and SE Asian food.
On the other hand, my friends’ moms in Korea and Japan seem to just be cooking nonstop and there’s a lot of pressure to have variety not just day to day but within every meal.
So for my relatives in HK, they might have a noodle dish with a complex sauce, meat or tofu that goes with it, and 1-2 vegetables plus fruit. But the fruit is easy to get on their street as are the vegetables and the noodles are prepped around the corner and the meat is from the place downstairs. It’s more like living in NYC and having relatively cheap takeout everywhere but supplementing it with healthy food. Many people in HK of all incomes still have habits from when you didn’t cook much at home and might barely have a kitchen.
And my richer HK relatives (they would be UMC here) all have multiple “helpers” who are cooking all sorts of things depending on where they’re from and who they worked for last. Right now my cousin has 3 helpers, 2 who are from the Philippines but they cook a lot of Thai and SE Asian food.
On the other hand, my friends’ moms in Korea and Japan seem to just be cooking nonstop and there’s a lot of pressure to have variety not just day to day but within every meal.
Anonymous
01/19/2025 00:47
Subject: Re:Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
This made me ponder my boomer working class childhood in the "meat, potatoes and a vegetable" era. My mom never worked full time but she always had some kind of part time work outside the house and there were 5 kids.
There was no thinking/planning required other than to remember to take meat out of the freezer. We always had a 50 lb burlap bag of potatoes in the basement, from age 7 or so it was my job to peel them. Boiled or mashed. Sometimes baked or fried. Leftover mashed potatoes became potato patties. Cook meat--burger patties or round steak usually or fried chicken, and my mom always made gravy. Open a can of peas, beans, carrots, or corn.
There was some variety like spaghetti some nights, or waffles, or fish (my brothers caught panfish a lot in the summer) something. But I just realized that routine approach had to have made the mental effort a lot easier, and no worries about ingredients on hand or not.
Some news thing I watched or read described an Italian family which has eaten the SAME MEAL (a stew of beans and vegetables and some meat) every night for decades and how healthy and long lived they all are.
How much of the expectation of variety a cultural or SES thing? Do families in Europe or Asia have to figure out what to make every damned day?
There was no thinking/planning required other than to remember to take meat out of the freezer. We always had a 50 lb burlap bag of potatoes in the basement, from age 7 or so it was my job to peel them. Boiled or mashed. Sometimes baked or fried. Leftover mashed potatoes became potato patties. Cook meat--burger patties or round steak usually or fried chicken, and my mom always made gravy. Open a can of peas, beans, carrots, or corn.
There was some variety like spaghetti some nights, or waffles, or fish (my brothers caught panfish a lot in the summer) something. But I just realized that routine approach had to have made the mental effort a lot easier, and no worries about ingredients on hand or not.
Some news thing I watched or read described an Italian family which has eaten the SAME MEAL (a stew of beans and vegetables and some meat) every night for decades and how healthy and long lived they all are.
How much of the expectation of variety a cultural or SES thing? Do families in Europe or Asia have to figure out what to make every damned day?
Anonymous
01/19/2025 00:04
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
I got so mad at DC and DH looking at me like hungry little birds multiple times a day and then pouting at dinnertime that I had a screaming breakdown and said “I’m not doing this alone anymore, we all eat, we can all plan.”
We sit down every Sunday and DC writes down every meal that week from Sunday dinner through Friday dinner. Then DC checks the school lunch calendar and writes those meals. Her and DH are responsible for looking at school lunches and figuring out what dinners complement them and the amount of time we have each night. I go through ingredients and recipes and they check the cupboards and fridge for what we are missing and DC writes the grocery list as they go. Our trash pickup is Monday so we also sort through old produce, moldy bread, etc. then.
I do 95% of the cooking, and DH finally felt enough embarrassment at these Sunday planning sessions (when that fact become obvious) to agree to do the big Sunday grocery run and most night’s worth of whatever dishes I haven’t done while cooking. DC no longer whines about boring or repetitive dinners and has actually come up with good ideas along the way.
We sit down every Sunday and DC writes down every meal that week from Sunday dinner through Friday dinner. Then DC checks the school lunch calendar and writes those meals. Her and DH are responsible for looking at school lunches and figuring out what dinners complement them and the amount of time we have each night. I go through ingredients and recipes and they check the cupboards and fridge for what we are missing and DC writes the grocery list as they go. Our trash pickup is Monday so we also sort through old produce, moldy bread, etc. then.
I do 95% of the cooking, and DH finally felt enough embarrassment at these Sunday planning sessions (when that fact become obvious) to agree to do the big Sunday grocery run and most night’s worth of whatever dishes I haven’t done while cooking. DC no longer whines about boring or repetitive dinners and has actually come up with good ideas along the way.
Anonymous
01/18/2025 23:03
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
And there is no reason that your kids can’t handle dinner one day a week, once they are 12 or 14. Your husband could do one night and you can eat out or order out another.
Anonymous
01/18/2025 23:01
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
It is not for the rest of your life.
Your children will be up and out of your house, more quickly than you realize. And you will miss these days..,
Your children will be up and out of your house, more quickly than you realize. And you will miss these days..,
Anonymous
01/18/2025 22:52
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
Anonymous wrote:I have lots of thoughts and they may not work for you but I’ve always worked full-time, as has my husband, and our twins are 10 so I haven’t been doing this forever but it’s been a while.
- Your husband needs to help with this responsibility. There is no reason he can’t be equally in charge of food. If his work schedule doesn’t allow him to actually cook at dinner time, he can still come up with meals, place a pick up grocery order, prep stuff, etc.
- Your kids need to also take responsibility for this if they are old enough to talk. They should each come up with a dinner once a week. It is not your job to feed multiple people with no input or help. You have a job. You have other things you do. This shouldn’t be all on you.
- You don’t need to have a perfectly balanced dinner all the time. Pizza is fine. Cereal is fine. Don’t strive for perfection, it’ll drive you crazy. It may seem weird to have a banana on the side of a pasta dish but if you don’t have time to steam broccoli, it’s ok. And, gasp, if you serve a dinner that doesn’t have produce on the side, that’s also ok. No one is going to get scurvy because they didn’t have a fruit or vegetable that night.
- Make easier food. Get a rotisserie chicken instead of making one from scratch, for example. Buy pre-chopped vegetables. Do what you can to make the steps easier sometimes.
- Make dinners that allow for customization. We eat a lot of Mexican food, so every week we grill a big batch of chicken, cook peppers and onions, make guacamole, do a huge pot of rice, and make black beans (from a can, I’m not soaking them for hours or anything). From that we get multiple meals that people can customize. Burritos, fajitas, nachos, quesadillas, bowls, salads, etc. I do similar with Asian dishes - sauté vegetables, cook some chicken and often beef, buy some frozen potstickers. Then we can have stir fry, fried rice, potstickers, meatballs, noodles, etc. Depending on the sauce you want to put on, you can make it Korean, Chinese, Thai, etc. That way everyone gets the flavors (I like spicy, my husband prefers salty) and consistency (one kid likes rice, the other prefers noodles) they want.
+1
We have 3 teens and also do a lot of Mexican/Tex Mex and Asian food, and for the same reasons. It works really well. Not only is it easy for everyone to customize their food, it all reheats well and tastes good reheated (important for us on weeknights as with everyone’s activities, some of the family might eat earlier or later). We vary the proteins and accompaniments by the week so we don’t get bored. Also accommodates different dietary habits- for example my DH eats lower carb so does taco salads, with meat/veg stir fries he skips the rice or buys frozen bags of steamable cauliflower rice etc.
We also do very boring/uninspiring meals at times, and I don’t feel guilty about it all. For example buy a rotisserie chicken, do some plain baked potatoes, set out bagged salad. Boring and unappealing. Everyone is welcome to customize their food or make it more appealing with toppings or whatever (and usually does)- but I’m not doing it. I’ve kind of accepted that on some nights, food is just fuel, and not every meal needs to be tasty or interesting.
Anonymous
01/18/2025 22:39
Subject: Re:Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
I only make dinner from scratch once a week. Every other night is something like bagged stir fry or frozen lasagna or breakfast for dinner.
Anonymous
01/18/2025 22:25
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
Anonymous wrote:This is why I use meal kit services. I get 3 dinners per week in a box. I don't have to shop for ingredients or plan anything. I just click on pictures of 3 meals that look good, and a week later a box arrives with all the ingredients. It's too difficult to plan meals every night in addition to working. I use a clothing rental service for my work wardrobe for the same reason- reduce decision fatigue and outsource the care and maintenance of a wardrobe.
I tried this, but I found the portions small, and the amount of packaging waste horrific.
Anonymous
01/18/2025 22:05
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have lots of thoughts and they may not work for you but I’ve always worked full-time, as has my husband, and our twins are 10 so I haven’t been doing this forever but it’s been a while.
- Your husband needs to help with this responsibility. There is no reason he can’t be equally in charge of food. If his work schedule doesn’t allow him to actually cook at dinner time, he can still come up with meals, place a pick up grocery order, prep stuff, etc.
- Your kids need to also take responsibility for this if they are old enough to talk. They should each come up with a dinner once a week. It is not your job to feed multiple people with no input or help. You have a job. You have other things you do. This shouldn’t be all on you.
- You don’t need to have a perfectly balanced dinner all the time. Pizza is fine. Cereal is fine. Don’t strive for perfection, it’ll drive you crazy. It may seem weird to have a banana on the side of a pasta dish but if you don’t have time to steam broccoli, it’s ok. And, gasp, if you serve a dinner that doesn’t have produce on the side, that’s also ok. No one is going to get scurvy because they didn’t have a fruit or vegetable that night.
- Make easier food. Get a rotisserie chicken instead of making one from scratch, for example. Buy pre-chopped vegetables. Do what you can to make the steps easier sometimes.
- Make dinners that allow for customization. We eat a lot of Mexican food, so every week we grill a big batch of chicken, cook peppers and onions, make guacamole, do a huge pot of rice, and make black beans (from a can, I’m not soaking them for hours or anything). From that we get multiple meals that people can customize. Burritos, fajitas, nachos, quesadillas, bowls, salads, etc. I do similar with Asian dishes - sauté vegetables, cook some chicken and often beef, buy some frozen potstickers. Then we can have stir fry, fried rice, potstickers, meatballs, noodles, etc. Depending on the sauce you want to put on, you can make it Korean, Chinese, Thai, etc. That way everyone gets the flavors (I like spicy, my husband prefers salty) and consistency (one kid likes rice, the other prefers noodles) they want.
Cereal is not a fine dinner. WTF.
Is cereal fine for breakfast? What the hell’s the difference?
Anonymous
01/18/2025 21:53
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
This is why I use meal kit services. I get 3 dinners per week in a box. I don't have to shop for ingredients or plan anything. I just click on pictures of 3 meals that look good, and a week later a box arrives with all the ingredients. It's too difficult to plan meals every night in addition to working. I use a clothing rental service for my work wardrobe for the same reason- reduce decision fatigue and outsource the care and maintenance of a wardrobe.
Anonymous
01/18/2025 21:19
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
We have fend for yourself dinner a lot. Kids are teens.
Anonymous
01/18/2025 20:51
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
An easier way to think of this is to ensure that you have staples in your pantry and a handful of memorized, forgiving recipes.
1) Pasta + sauce. Endless variations - spaghetti with marinara; frozen tortellini or penne with pesto (buy from Costco); linguine with frozen shrimp, lemon, and olive oil; spaghetti with fried egg and parm, etc., etc.
2) Rice + protein + veggie. If you're pressed for time, you can get frozen rice from TJs. Protein could be chicken, beef, tofu.
3) Indian simmer sauces + protein + rice or naan.
4) Burritos - use leftover rice, add beans, guac, cheese, and salsa.
5) Big salads. Look up "dense bean salad" and make a giant bowl, serve with baguette. Serve with baguette (I buy from Costco, cut up into sections, and freeze.)
6) Chili with or without meat. This freezes and heats up beautifully. You can actually serve chili with pasta (Cincinnati style) or with rice (Hawaiian style) or over a baked potato.
1) Pasta + sauce. Endless variations - spaghetti with marinara; frozen tortellini or penne with pesto (buy from Costco); linguine with frozen shrimp, lemon, and olive oil; spaghetti with fried egg and parm, etc., etc.
2) Rice + protein + veggie. If you're pressed for time, you can get frozen rice from TJs. Protein could be chicken, beef, tofu.
3) Indian simmer sauces + protein + rice or naan.
4) Burritos - use leftover rice, add beans, guac, cheese, and salsa.
5) Big salads. Look up "dense bean salad" and make a giant bowl, serve with baguette. Serve with baguette (I buy from Costco, cut up into sections, and freeze.)
6) Chili with or without meat. This freezes and heats up beautifully. You can actually serve chili with pasta (Cincinnati style) or with rice (Hawaiian style) or over a baked potato.
Anonymous
01/18/2025 13:02
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
I plan my meals ahead of time. If the kids have activities after school, I may do a pasta dish that is easy to make. I do a lot of one-pot and sheet pan meals. I also give myself permission to order out if things go awry!
Anonymous
01/18/2025 12:22
Subject: Dealing with family dinner every day for the rest of your life!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have lots of thoughts and they may not work for you but I’ve always worked full-time, as has my husband, and our twins are 10 so I haven’t been doing this forever but it’s been a while.
- Your husband needs to help with this responsibility. There is no reason he can’t be equally in charge of food. If his work schedule doesn’t allow him to actually cook at dinner time, he can still come up with meals, place a pick up grocery order, prep stuff, etc.
- Your kids need to also take responsibility for this if they are old enough to talk. They should each come up with a dinner once a week. It is not your job to feed multiple people with no input or help. You have a job. You have other things you do. This shouldn’t be all on you.
- You don’t need to have a perfectly balanced dinner all the time. Pizza is fine. Cereal is fine. Don’t strive for perfection, it’ll drive you crazy. It may seem weird to have a banana on the side of a pasta dish but if you don’t have time to steam broccoli, it’s ok. And, gasp, if you serve a dinner that doesn’t have produce on the side, that’s also ok. No one is going to get scurvy because they didn’t have a fruit or vegetable that night.
- Make easier food. Get a rotisserie chicken instead of making one from scratch, for example. Buy pre-chopped vegetables. Do what you can to make the steps easier sometimes.
- Make dinners that allow for customization. We eat a lot of Mexican food, so every week we grill a big batch of chicken, cook peppers and onions, make guacamole, do a huge pot of rice, and make black beans (from a can, I’m not soaking them for hours or anything). From that we get multiple meals that people can customize. Burritos, fajitas, nachos, quesadillas, bowls, salads, etc. I do similar with Asian dishes - sauté vegetables, cook some chicken and often beef, buy some frozen potstickers. Then we can have stir fry, fried rice, potstickers, meatballs, noodles, etc. Depending on the sauce you want to put on, you can make it Korean, Chinese, Thai, etc. That way everyone gets the flavors (I like spicy, my husband prefers salty) and consistency (one kid likes rice, the other prefers noodles) they want.
Cereal is not a fine dinner. WTF.
Oh stop, a bowl of cereal for dinner once in a while is absolutely fine. The PP didn't suggest cereal for dinner every night. Show a little grace to others and assume good intent.
Breakfast for dinner once a month should be on everyone rotation it’s fun and builds memories.