I think if you're prone to jealousy you're going to feel it. Not everyone does.

People please. This is so fake. Besides as many have pointed out that mostly only private ED acceptances know where they are going, most of the state flagships have not announced yet.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel this way, and I feel badly about feeling this way. It's based in a few things. First, there's an ugly ego element. I hate that I feel this way, but you just know that people look at kids differently who get into top tier schools. That's the part I wish I didn't feel because my kid is great and smart and kind and is a wonderful person and I shouldn't care if someone judges him based on where he will go to school. But the second part is practical. I want him to have access to the best networking opportunities and best professors, etc.

I think this is less of a thing than we think it is. Certainly it is not as striking as we tend to think. Sometimes it's not even a positive difference, rather judgemental instead. Sure, impressed they got in. Good for them. My kid doesn't even WANT to go there. And I want my kid to want to be at the school we're paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for.

And think about it: it is not possible that all of the best professors are located in a handful of schools. And not EVERY professor at those schools is the best teacher or mentor. Some community college professors are better teachers than some professors at 4-year universities. Just like one high school does not have all the best teachers and there are fabulous teachers at "lesser" high schools.

Anonymous wrote:Yep, being a bad mom, sore loser. In our circle all the kids did exceptional but mine, of course we have ADD going for us. I don't show it to my son but it's eating me up alive.

I have two kids. Neither of them are lemmings. They don't care where - or if - anyone else goes to college. One didn't even initially want to go to college, though they are there now pursuing the one thing that clearly makes them happy. They still don't care about the level of prestige of the school or that others have gone to more elite ones. The other cares about only ONE college because it checks the boxes and has a high level program for an activity they do.

As a parent, there is always that feeling and those thoughts whenever friends taut their kids' successes and more prestigious schools. But I know my kids are pursuing what they WANT, what serves THEIR goals, and more importantly that THEY are not bothered in the least by where other kids are applying, being admitted, or attending. I am PROUD of MY kids for being INDEPENDENTLY minded and CONFIDENT about THEMSELVES, about what they are doing, and about where they are doing it.

20 years from now, those kids' coworkers will ask "where'd you go to school" and be momentarily impressed when they say Harvard or whatever. Then they don't give it another thought and continue on. With less debt.

Anonymous wrote:In a year kids will be talking about who dropped out, burnt out, pwho transferred, who got a summer job…it’s not the golden ticket you think it is and will be a mostly hollow victory in four years. All that really matters is their major, internships, and hustle.

+1 DD has two best friends and DD went to a much lower ranked school than the other two (she also has ADHD). By end of first year, one friend had dropped out of college and figuring out a new path. The other was equally as happy as DD at their school but DD had a better, major-related summer job due to hustle and alumni connection.

I hear you and share that feeling. But, I know that every single kid I know at a top 15 school is there because of a sport or legacy. My kids aren’t that sporty and didn’t have any interest in our alma maters. So here we are.

Just go to a school one year and transfer. It is not that long if your option is that horrible. President Obama transferred from Occidental to Columbia and things worked out okay for him. He went on to Harvard law so no one cared he transferred. People need to calm down.

Anonymous wrote:Yep, being a bad mom, sore loser. In our circle all the kids did exceptional but mine, of course we have ADD going for us. I don't show it to my son but it's eating me up alive.

GROW UP

OP, I feel this way, and I feel badly about feeling this way. It's based in a few things. First, there's an ugly ego element. I hate that I feel this way, but you just know that people look at kids differently who get into top tier schools. That's the part I wish I didn't feel because my kid is great and smart and kind and is a wonderful person and I shouldn't care if someone judges him based on where he will go to school. But the second part is practical. I want him to have access to the best networking opportunities and best professors, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Blame DH and move on.

Hahaha. Ohmygosh, I love this!

What is a top college? You should stop being competitive and go with the best fit.

You need to focus on the real goal: graduating college. Tons of kids go to great schools but drop out. Did you not go to college, OP? I don’t understand why parents feel any ownership on where their kid goes to college, unless you did all their high school assignments?

Believe in your son OP, life is a journey … you never know where their path will take them. I’ve been in your shoes and can tell you that they will learn valuable things at their school that will help shape and take them in directions you never imagined. My son, also with ADD also bombed HS - and at an expensive private at that - but he crushed his time at his in-state university in every way and had a ball doing it. He's super successful now, engaged to a wonderful woman he met there, and living the dream in NYC. He’s a lawyer - and I’ll leave you with a fun anecdote- both he and a HS classmate that went to Harvard ended up at the same Law School …and both are doing equally well and got the jobs and clerkships they wanted. You are not fully baked at age 18 OP. Give him time , encourage him that anything is possible - it really is!

In a year kids will be talking about who dropped out, burnt out, pwho transferred, who got a summer job…it’s not the golden ticket you think it is and will be a mostly hollow victory in four years. All that really matters is their major, internships, and hustle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, being a bad mom, sore loser. In our circle all the kids did exceptional but mine, of course we have ADD going for us. I don't show it to my son but it's eating me up alive.

You are also human. OP, it will hurt. But try your darndest best now to show it to your son. Believe me, the moment graduation happens, summer starts, where the kid is going to college stops mattering less day by day. Focus on making your son strong for the place he is headed to.

Your jealousy is temporary but if you let your son feel it, he will remember it for ever.

Go for runs. Look up successful people who went to less than top colleges and are doing so well.

Both my husband and I went to third tier schools. Our college friends (their jobs, lifestyles, etc) are indistinguishable from our DC friends who went to HYP and similar. Life is very, very long and where you go to college does not determine your ultimate professional destiny.