Anonymous
Post 01/08/2025 17:51     Subject: Re:Vacation disagreement on where to go
Why can't you do both trips? Ask him what he had planned for the anniversary trip and try to work it in later in the year. Then discuss vacation planning going forward.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2025 15:28     Subject: Vacation disagreement on where to go
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Of course you don't make him go on your trip. You pick a trip with him, or you go on the bucket list trip. And then vice versa with the other one next year.

But I think it is weird that you are married to this person and didn't figure this out before?


OP here. I guess I didn't think there was anything to "figure out". I've been talking about the trip forever. He never said he wouldn't want to go, so I assumed he would.


Have you been married before? Don’t assume anything
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2025 14:55     Subject: Vacation disagreement on where to go
You got married when you didn't have to
You have a much bigger problem than this trip
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2025 14:50     Subject: Vacation disagreement on where to go
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Of course you don't make him go on your trip. You pick a trip with him, or you go on the bucket list trip. And then vice versa with the other one next year.

But I think it is weird that you are married to this person and didn't figure this out before?


OP here. I guess I didn't think there was anything to "figure out". I've been talking about the trip forever. He never said he wouldn't want to go, so I assumed he would.


And how has he treated your daughter since you got married? He sounds like he wants you (and your time and money) all to himself. This can't be the first time he's acted like this...
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2025 14:49     Subject: Vacation disagreement on where to go
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Welcome to marriage.

Either he compromises or you do. But the fact that you are planning this huge bucket list trip, and that it’s been in the works for quite a while, and you had to ask him “you’re coming on this right?” Tells me you already have some problems communicating.

With this extended family trip fall on what is going to be your anniversary? Is that why he’s wanting to focus on an anniversary trip? Or is he just saying that if you take a trip this year it should be an anniversary trip? Because those are very different circumstances.


OP here. The trip would not fall on our anniversary. He just wants to spend the time and money on trips for the 2 of us only.


Why did you marry this guy? Your daughter existed before your marriage. I highly doubt she likes him much.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2025 12:23     Subject: Vacation disagreement on where to go
You need to go on your bucket list trip with your kid and your family this year. It's planned, everyone knew you were doing it, carry on. It's perfectly reasonable for your husband to not want to join that trip - for a million reasons. In many ways, he is making it easier for you - you can focus on your kid and your family and what YOU most want to do on the bucket list trip. Take that win and run with it!

If money or time mean that the anniversary trip he wants to take is not possible or delayed, then you work through that together.

Anonymous
Post 01/08/2025 11:53     Subject: Vacation disagreement on where to go
Anonymous wrote:For the past 12 years I have taken a large vacation every other year (10 days, foreign countries) with family members. It's my vacation with my daughter and I provide all the info to extended family members to join us if they want.
This year I am planning a major bucket list vacation that I have been looking forward to for as long as I can remember.

Wrinkle: I recently got married. I am about to start booking airline tickets, so I confirmed with DH last night "You are going to "great place" with us, right? He said, "I don't really want to, as I'd rather focus on an anniversary trip for us." He's known about this dream of mine forever!! I'm so disappointed and sad. Yes, other family members were going to join. I know that if he decides to come along it will be constant complaining about everything, and don't let something "go wrong" with the trip, I'll never hear the end of it. At the same time, I don't want to go without him due to cost and amount of days.

Do I cancel the trip and allow him to plan an anniversary trip with the agreement that we go on my bucket list trip next year? I hate canceling with family as we were all looking forward to it. Unfortunately, this will push my vacation plans off schedule. I plan a large trip every other year and this pushes everything back.

Trying to wrap my head around this disappointment that I feel is hard.


This^ right here is the reason to not remarry.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2025 11:09     Subject: Vacation disagreement on where to go
Anonymous wrote:No. You go on your planned bucket list vacation. Anniversary trip waits till the following year. Or it's a weekend trip.


This.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2025 07:44     Subject: Vacation disagreement on where to go
Anonymous wrote:Welcome to marriage.

Either he compromises or you do. But the fact that you are planning this huge bucket list trip, and that it’s been in the works for quite a while, and you had to ask him “you’re coming on this right?” Tells me you already have some problems communicating.

With this extended family trip fall on what is going to be your anniversary? Is that why he’s wanting to focus on an anniversary trip? Or is he just saying that if you take a trip this year it should be an anniversary trip? Because those are very different circumstances.


This. DH and I talk about vacation planning from the early stages - when, where, how long, cost, etc. It's not one of us inviting the other along at the end! So that part seems very odd.

That said, you should go without him and enjoy with the other family who's coming.