Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an empty nester and divorced when my friends visit me they are visibly upset at calm, clean, and relaxing my house is.

I love visiting homes of child free or empty nest people. I live in chaos with two high need kids. All I want is a room, a lazy boy chair, a bed and a big window with a view. I will sit, read, snack, nap, dance, talk to myself and after a few weeks of this I think my nervous system might finally reset.

We also go to each other's work conferences and spend time together in the evening.

Anonymous wrote:My best friend lives alone in a 2 bedroom apartment abroad. Every few months, me, her sister, or other assorted married with children friends stay with her for a week. She goes to her office and leaves her guest 1-2 specific tasks and an idea for an interesting walk. I like to organize her pantry and clean her bathroom. Sometimes I walk stuff to the charity donation place.

For dinner, we eat takeout that my kids wouldn’t like in front of the tv on a fancy couch because we are adults and don’t spill everything everywhere. Every couple of days I the walk to the fancy bakery. In the evening we watch the local news, and then read quietly or retreat for an early bedtime. She puts up guests in a perfect tiny bedroom with a twin bed and a window under a beautiful tree with just enough of a view that you can watch pedestrians, but not so much that you feel apart from things or inspired to go be busy.

Sounds dreamy.

My best friend lives alone in a 2 bedroom apartment abroad. Every few months, me, her sister, or other assorted married with children friends stay with her for a week. She goes to her office and leaves her guest 1-2 specific tasks and an idea for an interesting walk. I like to organize her pantry and clean her bathroom. Sometimes I walk stuff to the charity donation place.

For dinner, we eat takeout that my kids wouldn’t like in front of the tv on a fancy couch because we are adults and don’t spill everything everywhere. Every couple of days I the walk to the fancy bakery. In the evening we watch the local news, and then read quietly or retreat for an early bedtime. She puts up guests in a perfect tiny bedroom with a twin bed and a window under a beautiful tree with just enough of a view that you can watch pedestrians, but not so much that you feel apart from things or inspired to go be busy.

No! I have pretty severe anxiety and would be miserable living alone. My husband and son have ADHD/HFA and sometimes are hard to live with, but I'd rather live with them and my daughter (plus a multitude of pets), than live by myself.

Anonymous wrote:Do I, a married tax attorney in my early 60s with four adult children, ever fantasize about living alone in my house (with just my dogs)? No.

Do I ever fantasize about being a single (never married), more affluent, much better-looking version of myself living in a penthouse apartment in Tysons and dating like mad? Yes, I do.

I would still date women my age (plus or minus five years) in my swinging bachelor pad. However, I would take them to fun places (I love Aruba) and do fun things (I love trying new restaurants). I would only worry about my workout schedule and restocking the wine cellar.

Precisely, I would model my life after a young partner at my firm who is in his late 30s, divorced, with one child (who he sees once a week and every other weekend.)

He is quite handsome, played football in college, and almost every woman in my firm (and outside of it) swoons when he walks in the room. When I walk in with him, women ask me how much it will take to settle with the IRS and hope I get out of the way quickly so they can look at him.

So, I know a guy who fits your description to a T. Right down to taking women on exotic vacations and barely seeing his kid. He was gorgeous and looked like a cross between Johnny Depp and Keanu Reeves.

Things were great until he hit middle age. Even being handsome can’t hide the baldness and growing gut once you approach 50. Women his age weren’t interested because they saw him as the Peter Pan he was, and younger women just saw him as old and gross despite his money and adventurous lifestyle.

He tried to form a relationship with his now-adult son, but his son rightfully wanted nothing to do with him. Told him flat out dad was never there when he needed him as a kid, so why should he be there for his dad now that the fun lifestyle is over?

About twice a year he ends up reaching out to me in the middle of a breakdown about how his child hates him, no woman gives a crap about him they’ve only ever cared about the looks and money, he’s never going to meet his grandkids, and he’s going to die alone. Which is probably true, no woman is going to take him on unless they can get their hands on his money.

Women who swoon over your looks and money bail as soon as they’re gone. A wife and your children are the ones who will be there by your deathbed, as long as you aren’t a total POS.

The grass is never greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.

No. I lived completely alone for one year while I was dating my now husband and I loved it. I was a bit sad to move in together, actually. I loved having a space I decorated that was totally me. I loved that if there were dirty dishes in the sink, they were my mess and my mess alone to clean up. I loved the solitude and my apartment. But I think part of why I loved it I was due to the time and place of my life at that point.

I have three young kids now and while I think about getting older and not having as much time for myself and my personal goals, and get stressed by our messy home, I would be sad to live alone and not have my family. My family is my first goal in life.

I'm 45, divorced with 2 kids and 50/50 custody. Life is perfect this way. 70/30 would actually be more ideal, but I pick my kids up from school everyday, so I see them just about everyday, even if it's not my parenting night.

Anonymous wrote:I used to (and maybe will again), but after watching my 75 year old mother putter around her very clean and beautiful condo for the past 20 months following my dad’s death, I now think it will be really lonely.

My mom has no plans most days. Her fridge is almost all condiments and random soups. She doesn’t cook or entertain and has no hobbies except spying on the other people in her condo development. 😬 She has some friends but they all still have spouses or kids nearby, so she only sees them for a few hours every week total. I asked her how she spends her days. She said she wakes up at 6AM and the reads in her sunroom for several hours. At 4:30PM she moves to the living room and watches British TV until she gets tired at around 9. She’s a wealthy widow and will live in comfort but she’s clearly very lonely. I just visited her for 5 days and she never stopped talking—she was so happy to have company again. One of my siblings lives in her town and invites her to holiday gatherings and takes care of her if she needs help but they have their own family, busy jobs, etc.

I will say that I was jealous that her house was spotless despite not having been cleaned in 4 weeks (she was recovering from surgery and couldn’t clean)!

This has nothing to do with living alone and everything to do with being 75.

At that age, if I’m unpartnered, I will move to some kind of community and live like it’s college again. My 90 year old friend whose husband just died always has friends to go to lunch and dinner with. She goes to the theater, to movies, on outings… all organized by the community.

I am in my mid 40s and divorced, so alone in my home half the week. I’m only without plans if I choose to be (which is glorious, and sometimes I do because I need the downtime). Otherwise I am really busy with friends, hobbies, work, and other side projects or weekend getaways. I need to turn down invitations to hang out because I have so much going on. I haven’t even started dating in earnest again yet. I never did any of this stuff when I was married with kids and honestly my life feels a lot more full and balanced now.

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get my wrong…I love my family more than anything. But I just often feel so frustrated that I am responsible for all these people all the time.

I am the default parent. I do everything. I dont know exactly how it got this way but overtime it has and it just feels overwhelming.

All the meals-I fantasize about having simple meals that I don’t have to prepare or think about just for myself. I think about not having to clean up after anyone but myself.

I’m sure i’d be lonely at some point but honestly I fantasize about this a lot. I’m just so tired.

no, I had my fill of it in my single days. I like living with people.

I do but my fantasy also includes periodic male companionship that leaves me exhausted.

Anonymous wrote:When my children were young, I used to fantasize about doing this a lot.

Life w/multiple kids can be very chaotic + stressful at best no matter how much love you have for them. ❤️

Now that my children have all grown - I now live alone & I love it very much.
I feel as if I have earned this privilege >> after years of paying my dues.
Lol.

It’s so nice to come home each day to a quiet and clean home.
I no longer have to worry about what anyone other than me has to eat.
I clean minimally and only have my own laundry to wash.

On my weekends off, I enjoy complete privacy to read, watch TV and/or lounge around in pajamas w/out caring one iota if anyone thinks I am lazy.

What are weekends off? Are you a divorced dad?

We bought the small house next to us so my husband could have a workshop and we could have space for guests, but my secret plan is that this will be my house.

I used to and I got it. It happened faster than I thought along with plenty of money to never work again.

Anonymous wrote:I’m an empty nester and divorced when my friends visit me they are visibly upset at calm, clean, and relaxing my house is.

I love visiting homes of child free or empty nest people. I live in chaos with two high need kids. All I want is a room, a lazy boy chair, a bed and a big window with a view. I will sit, read, snack, nap, dance, talk to myself and after a few weeks of this I think my nervous system might finally reset.

Anonymous wrote:Do I, a married tax attorney in my early 60s with four adult children, ever fantasize about living alone in my house (with just my dogs)? No.

Do I ever fantasize about being a single (never married), more affluent, much better-looking version of myself living in a penthouse apartment in Tysons and dating like mad? Yes, I do.

I would still date women my age (plus or minus five years) in my swinging bachelor pad. However, I would take them to fun places (I love Aruba) and do fun things (I love trying new restaurants). I would only worry about my workout schedule and restocking the wine cellar.

Precisely, I would model my life after a young partner at my firm who is in his late 30s, divorced, with one child (who he sees once a week and every other weekend.)

He is quite handsome, played football in college, and almost every woman in my firm (and outside of it) swoons when he walks in the room. When I walk in with him, women ask me how much it will take to settle with the IRS and hope I get out of the way quickly so they can look at him.

I enjoyed reading this.