Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon they will have their own kids and want to create their own traditions and holidays. Have you over to their house. Older women, don't stubbornly stay in-charge of the holidays - it's not your place, any longer.
np here.

Who wants to be in charge of hosting large gatherings in your late 50s/60s? I'd happily travel to my kids once they have partners and a home. And relax and enjoy the festivities (and help out as needed/requested)

Answer: BOOMERS

They are the ones with the large houses in the prime locations. We ain't hosting anything in our small rowhouse filled with kid crap.

Sincerely,
Millennial

I'm not holding on to my big house in the burbs because I want to host parties. I'm doing so because the interest rate is low, I still have to live somewhere, and don't want to buy an expensive condo/TH or a rundown condo/TH.

-signed older Gen xer married to a boomer

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before we retired we sold our single family home in the city and bought 2 condos, one at the beach and one in the city. Makes it very easy to close the door and walk away. HOA takes care of everything, packages, gardens, pool, security, maintenance.

Our life is so streamlined now, we don't really need a car as we can walk everywhere. One of our kids returned after college and we have plenty of room. We may just lend them $ to purchase something, we made plenty of money sending our house and downsizing.

Do you like condo living? This sounds appealing on many ways but I’m leery of condos - the condo board politics, close quarters with neighbors, noise issues from other units…I know it might all be fine but I wonder if there would be aggravation.

Where are your condos - DC and OC - or a different beach?

I had a beach condo for awhile and loved so many things about it. But some point the Board changed the bylaws and revised the payment system for major maintenance resulting in a large special assessment (>$50,000) for certain sections. Before doing this, the Bard had all of the major maintenance done on sections that benefited them. And there is a certain section where there are structural issues that the Board isn’t making decisions to move forward to ameliorate those structural issues which makes it impossible to sell. This experience makes me wary of condos.

I wish the people in their 60s and 70s in my neighborhood would downsize so that we could buy one of their big houses. We bought a small house 10 years ago in a lovely neighborhood. Now with a preschooler, an elementary schooler, and both parents WFH we would love more room, but no one is selling. I don't know why the elderly want their 4000 sq. foot houses now that their kids are long gone, but that it seems they don't want to leave them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon they will have their own kids and want to create their own traditions and holidays. Have you over to their house. Older women, don't stubbornly stay in-charge of the holidays - it's not your place, any longer.
np here.

Who wants to be in charge of hosting large gatherings in your late 50s/60s? I'd happily travel to my kids once they have partners and a home. And relax and enjoy the festivities (and help out as needed/requested)

Well, my mom is still doing this at age 85. Though I do all the cooking she insists on hosting.

We will happily help our kids host, at their homes. Or rent a large place if they come to us. But right now one lives 2K miles away and the other is in college, with only a 50% chance they come "home" Not keeping a huge house for the 2-3 weeks each year they might be "home".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon they will have their own kids and want to create their own traditions and holidays. Have you over to their house. Older women, don't stubbornly stay in-charge of the holidays - it's not your place, any longer.
np here.

Who wants to be in charge of hosting large gatherings in your late 50s/60s? I'd happily travel to my kids once they have partners and a home. And relax and enjoy the festivities (and help out as needed/requested)

Answer: BOOMERS

They are the ones with the large houses in the prime locations. We ain't hosting anything in our small rowhouse filled with kid crap.

Sincerely,
Millennial

I'm 45 and many of my peers now have large houses and host gatherings. It's not boomer specific.

This is a helpful thread. Dh and I are in a small apartment with two kids. We love our place and we're happy here, but on the heels of holiday break were discussing how hard it will be to host our kids and their SOs etc as they get older (they're still in elementary now so this is a ways away). It's a great idea to plan to rent a larger space for the handful of times we'd want the extra square footage. We're in the middle of a big city and it seems likely that one of our kids may want to live here when they're older.

Anonymous wrote:IME, "big expense" parents have a very hard time taking a step back. They don't sell the big house; they rationalize that they need to keep the space to house everyone over the holidays. They build a big expensive 2nd home in retirement. They pay for big weddings. They contribute to down payments for first homes.

Very few "big expense" families take a step back. It's not in their nature.

The "big expense" families that don't step back, very likely have a lot more $$$$$ than you think. So yes, they don't need to step back. They can afford to life an expensive lifestyle, help kids with weddings and college and first cars and first homes, and barely make a dent in their "total net worth"

We are still in the same 1900 sqft home we bought 20 years ago despite our income increasing 5-fold.

I love beautiful houses, but for us housing is more a social need than an investment. So we stayed out and we are retiring in place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon they will have their own kids and want to create their own traditions and holidays. Have you over to their house. Older women, don't stubbornly stay in-charge of the holidays - it's not your place, any longer.
np here.

Who wants to be in charge of hosting large gatherings in your late 50s/60s? I'd happily travel to my kids once they have partners and a home. And relax and enjoy the festivities (and help out as needed/requested)

Answer: BOOMERS

They are the ones with the large houses in the prime locations. We ain't hosting anything in our small rowhouse filled with kid crap.

Sincerely,
Millennial

Many do not. I only know of one family in our circle who does. We are happy to pay for hotels and pay the tab at the restaurant for our nearest and dearest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents kept their house bc we all go there at Christmas. It’s great, but honestly a bit silly - we could all meet up literally anywhere, so it doesn’t make sense to keep a house for 52 weeks because it comes in handy for 1.

I have already told my kids this. I am 47 and they are 10 and 13. I told them I am not maintaining a large house in my late 50s or beyond in case they come home for Christmas. I will be getting a townhouse. If it is not big enough, we can rent a large house for a week for Christmas and in the summer.

This^^^

It's also cheaper to "help your kid with rent" if they come home to start their career and you live in a VHCOLA. Giving them $X per month to help with rent is much cheaper and easier than maintaining a huge home so they have a bedroom

We implemented this and it works great. Just had both kids home (one from college, one who is flown but came home for 2 weeks and worked from here). When possible we rent the guest suite in our condo bldg. If not, one sleeps on the couch and we have our morning coffee in our bedroom so they can keep sleeping and husband goes to office instead of working from home. As they get SO/grandkids, we will just rent a place nearby for everyone or within a few blocks for anyone who needs it. So easy to do, no need to have a huge place just for 2-4 weeks per year.

Under 2500sf, keep it
Over 3000sf, sell it.
In the middle, up to you. Maybe keep if you have a super low rate mortgage

55 with youngest headed to college next year (wow, hard to say that). Our house is in the 2400 square foot range and almost paid off. Our plan is to age in place, as monthly taxes plus insurance are still reasonable. I doubt our kids will own a house anytime soon (condos yes, house no). So they may want to use our house for kids birthday parties etc (see the neighbors doing this).

Love to travel but considering a second place (condo) somewhere. Just not sure where

Your kids are going to be expensive anywhere living the UMC lifestyle.

Just figure out what savings number you need to hit to retire and work towards that. Then you can relocate somewhere more fun and retire comfortably when you're empty nesters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon they will have their own kids and want to create their own traditions and holidays. Have you over to their house. Older women, don't stubbornly stay in-charge of the holidays - it's not your place, any longer.
np here.

Who wants to be in charge of hosting large gatherings in your late 50s/60s? I'd happily travel to my kids once they have partners and a home. And relax and enjoy the festivities (and help out as needed/requested)

Answer: BOOMERS

They are the ones with the large houses in the prime locations. We ain't hosting anything in our small rowhouse filled with kid crap.

Sincerely,
Millennial

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon they will have their own kids and want to create their own traditions and holidays. Have you over to their house. Older women, don't stubbornly stay in-charge of the holidays - it's not your place, any longer.
np here.

Who wants to be in charge of hosting large gatherings in your late 50s/60s? I'd happily travel to my kids once they have partners and a home. And relax and enjoy the festivities (and help out as needed/requested)

Well, my mom is still doing this at age 85. Though I do all the cooking she insists on hosting.