Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This afternoon my husband tells me he is so embarrassed of me as I create chaos everywhere I go and i cannot let things go.

If you are Asian, let me, as an older Asian immigrant married to a social register family, say, most Americans are not as blunt as Asians are.
Members of my natal Chinese family have been described as conflict prone, scrappy and rude. These are descriptions from their friends.
And yes, members of my natal family seem to create chaos and cannot let things go. Behavior that seem the norm and acceptable in Asia are not always applicable here. You are in the US and married to an American, get with the program.

I recommend that you take some thoughtful breaths before your next rebuttal to comments. And consider how you make others feel with your actions and words. In this case, consider how it feels to prepare a nice meal and have your guest be distractedly checking her phone constantly. Table manners is a thing in Western society.

Look at you talking down to OP.

She's trying to help. You're probably the Pro-phone PP who takes a phone with her everywhere and doesn't understand why others find it obnoxious.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This afternoon my husband tells me he is so embarrassed of me as I create chaos everywhere I go and i cannot let things go.

If you are Asian, let me, as an older Asian immigrant married to a social register family, say, most Americans are not as blunt as Asians are.
Members of my natal Chinese family have been described as conflict prone, scrappy and rude. These are descriptions from their friends.
And yes, members of my natal family seem to create chaos and cannot let things go. Behavior that seem the norm and acceptable in Asia are not always applicable here. You are in the US and married to an American, get with the program.

I recommend that you take some thoughtful breaths before your next rebuttal to comments. And consider how you make others feel with your actions and words. In this case, consider how it feels to prepare a nice meal and have your guest be distractedly checking her phone constantly. Table manners is a thing in Western society.

Look at you talking down to OP.

Anonymous wrote:Focusing back on the original topic, OP’s MIL and H are both bullies who pushed the nuclear button over an issue that could have been easily resolved, on NYE no less. It’s always interesting how people respond when you try to set boundaries. If their answer is to blow the entire thing up then you know they are never going to respect your boundaries. OP this may be the case for both your H and your mother-in-law.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!

Bringing your phone to the table at all is rude.

Ruder than my MIL and husband's horrible treatment of me? My husband watched his mother give me a dressing down. And when I told her to stop he decided to blame ME for abandon me on NYE.

Anonymous wrote:Focusing back on the original topic, OP’s MIL and H are both bullies who pushed the nuclear button over an issue that could have been easily resolved, on NYE no less. It’s always interesting how people respond when you try to set boundaries. If their answer is to blow the entire thing up then you know they are never going to respect your boundaries. OP this may be the case for both your H and your mother-in-law.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how you wrote this with lots of extraneous details to try to make yourself look good and garner sympathy.

I can distill it down for everyone TLDR - DIL attends a holiday dinner at MIL’s house and tackily brings phone to the table and proceeds to check it. Then proceeds to get offended that MIL is offended.

You are sooo the problem.

Yeah, did you catch the part about how MIL “snapped” at sick FIL about the broccoli thing? Bad MIL, saintly OP - Lol!

OP here. I know you want to bully me but MIL is always yelling and snapping at FIL as his rapid decline scares and frustrates her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were wrong to check your phone at the table. You should have ignored her instead of responding. Did you really think any good would have come out of responding? And couldn’t you see the impact responding would cause?

And you’ve got to give her a break given your FIL’s condition. She’s got to be sad and scared.

This.
AND - If you are Asian, I have noticed a lot of Asians spend WAY too much time staring at their device. Even when walking down the street. I've watched whole families sit at restaurants staring at their phones and not talking thru the meal.
I speak as an Asian immigrant.

And yes, it is rude to check your phone at the table unless we are talking about an emergency.

oh please. I see all kinds of families staring at their phones in restaurants. I saw a white dad with his 2 little kids who just looked at his phone the entire time, while the kids just sat there. They had no phones. Or when I was at the park with my kids, and a white dad was on his phone the entire time, and I found his little kid by the car on the street wanting to go home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!

Bringing your phone to the table at all is rude.

Ruder than my MIL and husband's horrible treatment of me? My husband watched his mother give me a dressing down. And when I told her to stop he decided to blame ME for abandon me on NYE.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!

Bringing your phone to the table at all is rude.

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I do not believe taking a quick glance at your phone during a major holiday while having dinner in your in laws kitchen merits the pointed dressing down my mother in law gave me. It is incredibly rude and disrespectful. A normal person would have ignored it especially as I was NOT sitting there with my face in my phone the entire time. As she was focusing on berating her husband for being unable to cut his meat, I took a look at my family group chat. That was all.

I felt embarrassed at how she talked down to me. I could tell she was in a mood and wanted to pick on me. She has a habit of routinely picking on her kids or me when she is in a mood. I do not like to be disrespected and told her so, calmly and politely. She decided to escalate, compounded by my husband.

I do not appreciate that both she and my husband are intend on bullying me for "upsetting" her when she started it to begin with! I do not appreciate my husband making ME the problem instead of telling his mom to back off!